what is wrong with me?

Question

long story here ..okay i,m a 39 year old woman have looked after myself well and get told that i look quite fit and good for my age..i am slim and dress well..i am honest,loyal and think quite generous..so why is it everyman that i have met over the recent year happens to lie and cheat on me..am finding it very difficult to understand why they are doing this to me..is it me or are they not ready to be serious with one woman..am in despair as have just spent 5 months with a man only to find out i,m one of a few..well needs to be said am not with him anymore..but why are they doing this i am so hurt and confused by what is going on..
a man,s opinion would be good here but please don,t be horrid to me am fragile enough as it is

Answer 1

theres nothing wrong with you. all men are bastards!

Answer 2

Hey babe! You sound fab, just didn't meet the right man for the moment. I'm sure he exists, but genuine people are difficult to find nowadays. Don't give up hope and never change, perhaps be a little less open with men at the start. take your time to get to know them well. Perhaps some friends can introduce you to a nice guy. And rule number one is to always love yourself first, be independance, afterall a man isn't the final solution to your happiness. Try chatting online, it often works. But be happy. I like and appreciate what other people have said in their comments, except I disagree with one that says you're too old or that some say you give the impression that you're easy. Typical plonkers. There is no age for love, and everyone wants and deserves true love and respect. If only I had a magic wand I'd grant you the perfect man for you immediately. Courage my dear.

Answer 3

Hello. I am sorry to hear that you have been treated in this way, it is no wonder you feel hurt and confused. I think if you ask a man why he is never happy with just one woman, he will say it is in a mans genes. I think there are plenty men who do not lie or cheat, but you have not had the good fortune to meet one (yet). Please don't give up though and just play it cool until you feel that the man can be trusted. I am
positive that you will meet a nice honest guy when you least expect to. Just take romance one step at a time.

Answer 4

With such a wonderful write up, I find it difficult to resist the temptation to send you the train fare so that you can visit me.

Without knowing you, all I can do is make suggestions; please do not be offended if they are irrelevant of not applicable to you.

Unattached women are often predatory, looking for someone to do their jobs, pay their bills and even take responsibility for another chap's children. When encountering such a woman, a man who is unable or unwilling to take on the yoke or responsibility may lie in order to obtain her favours. More generally, the same argument would apply if a man felt that he did not fill you economic or personal requirements. By taking a more laid back approach, you may find you get more honesty from the men that you meet.

My other thought is that you may be choosing men solely for their looks and sexual prowess. Presumably your recent ex was in his forties and I think it is exceptional for a a chap of this age to have 'a few' women at one time. Most men of this age limit themselves to a wife and a girlfriend.

If you are as you describe and are really looking for something long term, try an advertisement in one of the up market magazines such as Country Landowner and Business, I expect you will be inundated.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

Seems to me you may be setting your sights too high from the start. You're going out looking for a stable, long-term relationship, and perhaps even marriage - while the men you're meeting and dating are looking for sex and fun.

There's nothing wrong with either of those goals, but they're obviously not compatible. It's a pity that it results in your being lied to, by men who, presumably, realise that telling you the truth will drive you away - and they don't want to lose you. You may perhaps derive some crumb of comfort from the fact that if they didn't care about you at all, they wouldn't conceal their actions. Cold comfort, admittedly.

I'm afraid that most of the men you're going to meet will, in fact, be looking for sex'n'fun first. A longer-term thing might develop if they grow to love and need you as time goes by, but it's unlikely that you will just bump into a man who is *primarily* looking for a life partner. To be frank, men are aware of women who are plainly looking for 'commitment', and it's not a plus point (cf 'Divorcee'). And it's easily exploited, which seems to be what has happened to you.

(A quote from an old book: "Men are romantic about sex; and realistic about love. Women are realistic about sex, but romantic about love. And both sexes try to pretend it's the other way around!" Make of this what you will, but the reality is certainly as complex and messy as this.)

Is it, I wonder, inconceivable that you too could try going after sex'n'fun as well, at least for a while? Consider: an adult woman like you is probably able to enjoy sex fully for its own sake. You probably know what you want and how to get it. And you would have the benefit of absolute control over the situations - something you might have less of in a permanent relationship. You'd be able to call the shots, and say exactly what happens and what doesn't.

A period of this could boost your ego, and also give you contact with quite a few men. I suspect you might acquire a new poise and confidence in the process - and this, ironically, might well be very attractive and even lead to the long-term relationship you were looking for.

CD

Answer 6

You sound like you are needy. Men recognize this as a weakness and prey on your very soul. You are still young at 39. You say you are good looking, successful, and have virtous qualities. But the men you choose are not. One reason could possibly be that they are intimidated by your beauty and success, and all they can do is try to tear you down. It's a real tragedy that good women are preyed upon by men with an animalistic nature. Keep your head up and trust God. You will win if you maintain and be patient. A good man will come along when you least expect it. But be discerning, and don,t get caught up in your emotional needs. Use discipline. It works!!!!! God Bless You And Keep You. E-Mail me , I will be your friend. Stop being a trick you dig !!!!!!

Answer 7

2 and a half years since my last date Im so disgusted with the whole male race,I wish there was some message of hope that I could convey,but yes they do all cheat,no matter what they say or how they dispute this they either have cheated will cheat or want to cheat.They dont have the same capacity to love.Get yourself a big dog youll always know where he is at night.
*petting my bull mastiff now*
For now though Scratch your butt,watch The Office,Drink from the carton,live on chinese food,and pee with the door open Enjoy your life.
I know you are 39 so your looking for forever.Maybe you should try a religious man.A man who knows god does not approve of ugly may treat you better..Big may there.

Answer 8

I can not answer for anyone but myself. I experienced the exact opposite where every woman I were involved with turned out to lie for no reason even about little things that I could see no reason to lie about. It has led me to believe that all woman lie and I have difficulty trusting a woman even though I would like to. I can only hope that there are someone out there that won't lie and that would be compatible with me.

Answer 9

ic where you coming from. there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. you're great the way you are, and just always remember that. about those guys, i think you're rite. a lot of people in general arent ready for any serious relationship. however, that is life. we are not all like THAT. you just have to wait for the right guy to come around. you might not see or kno him at first, but you'll find out soon enough that he is the one. good luck

Answer 10

I think it might be the kind of men your putting your self around.I dont know how you meet guys but try a different way.Go to different places to meet them.You will find the right guy your only 39 you have plenty of time so dont rush your self youll find him.In the mean time dont give them a chance to cheat on you you do it to them whats good for the goose is good for the gander.So get out there and show them what there missing

Answer 11

OK here is the deal...it sounds like you are going for every guy that comes along. You have low self esteem which doesn't make sense because you have turned the eye of more than one man I assume. Go out and get back in to things you enjoy. That's where you will find the man who will treat you like you deserve.