My soon to be wife has initiated sex twice in the 4 years we've been together. About two months ago I sat down with her and maturely explained how much this affects me and that it is a really important issue for me. We talked about it for three hours and she compared this issue to a lack of romance coming from me. For the first time I really understood the importance of romance to her and ever since I have been REALLY working to be more romantic, writing her love letters, silly poems and sending flowers to her work, sexy phone calls and text messages. I'm even nice to her mother which is like pulling teeth.. NOTHING! I thought she truly understood, and she had made promises to be more active. Nothing has changed, and it seems like she is less interested in sex now more than ever. What gives??? I don't want to marry a block of ice!
2007-03-21 22:24:07 · 15 answers · asked by 65Cobra 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It could be a number of things: I wont beat around the bush in the hope you will want an honest answer!
Women can go through stages of low libido - (not really wanting sex). It might be a good idea to try to convince her to go and see a professional - there are medical reasons for low sex drive - there is also medication that can be used to increase her sex drive - a really good natural one is the 'horny goat weed' which you can buy from the pharmacy over the counter - is works well and has no adverse side effects.
Another reason is she could be feeling pressured by you in regards to the bedroom - does she feel you have high expectations that she cant meet - is she uncomfortable?
She could be shagging someone else - or she may just have lost interest in you - i know that when i get sick of a guy, the first thing that stops is the want for sex - then the relationship deteriorates from there - but I am a *****.
Does she only 'not initiate' - or does she knock you back when you want some? Two very different scenarios.
Good luck - get a good mag and some lubrication for now!!
2007-03-21 22:36:15 · answer #1 · answered by leroy-brown 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just as many cited above, definitely take a look at the relationship on a whole and re-evaluate it.
Props on the discussing this in a conversation. If you want to make this work you need to sit down and talk with her again. She could be feeling completely out of her element trying to initiate sex or all that more apprehensive because she does not know how.
2007-03-21 22:48:08 · answer #2 · answered by Squeak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you are having a second thought about this, the marriage. So you are better make a decision that you will not regret it later. After all, you had been with her for 4 years, you should know that the way she is already. Either you except it or you don't. But to me, love is a compromise. Both party should participate in pleasing each other and make each other happy. Have to go both way.
2007-03-21 22:41:32 · answer #3 · answered by Lilian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes if you're too comfortable with the relationship, you don't feel the urge to work for it anymore. I think this is what's going on with your beau. Turn up the heat then....bring in some competition & it would be a nasty wake-up call for her. You need to show her you're still wanted in the market. But again, set your priority right. You wanna show her that of all the women you could have, YOU CHOSE HER!! Believe me, it works like a charm. That would bring out the sexy beast in her.
2007-03-21 22:35:42 · answer #4 · answered by iszee01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to fuel your fire, We have had that battle for 19 yrs. It started for us after we had our second child. Before marriage and children she was great, we even lived together for a year, that was great. 19 yrs later, nothing has change and like you I have tried it all. Either there is no sexual attraction on her part oryou may have not hit the right buttons yet. My experience is that it will not change even if you did.
2007-03-21 22:37:22 · answer #5 · answered by seaking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say man get some of your homeboys to take you to the strip and buy you a ho you dig. Pay the ho man !!!!! Get the ho to teach you how to get down allright. Next hang out with some older men that will explain to you the birds and the bees. Once you have got all your lessons in, go back to your girl and show her what a real stud you are...... If it don't work out for you, go back to the ho, pay the ho, and keep tryin till you get it right!!!!! PEACE
2007-03-21 22:34:37 · answer #6 · answered by triple o.g. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, well you had the talk with her and she told you what she wanted. You did your part but she didn't do hers. I suggest you have another talk with her and ask her what's up this time. Why isn't she doing what she said she would when you have bent over backwards to do what you said you would. You also need to ask yourself if it's really that important WHO intiates the sex. Is this really even about that or are you beginning to rethink the relationship you have?
2007-03-21 22:29:21 · answer #7 · answered by my_own_frog 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
of recent my girl friend is turning into that same block of ice and whats worse is marriage is all she talks about.for someone like me who is really sexually active,its a scary thought living with someone who doesnt initiate sex or doesnt get a hint or even have any interest either.im not asexual.lol.
i dont beleive in giving up on your partner.slow down to her pace.listne to that which she doesnt tell you.all women have a trigger.find out what hers is and bam!!!!keep shooting son.
2007-03-21 22:33:56 · answer #8 · answered by 9k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, then don't marry the block of ice.
You marry who she is, not who you wish she was. If the past 4 years have shown you that this is not what you want and communication doesn't work...do BOTH of you a favor and run.
2007-03-21 22:28:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
your last sentence narrated the whole story
you wanna get rid of her want some moral justification to leave her you have come here only to seek some answers where you wd be advised according to your wish
well at this stage your blame on her is unrealistic and incorrect
i am sorry you are not fair
2007-03-21 22:35:51 · answer #10 · answered by Caring 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋