We have been dating for 2 years.
Prior to our dating, she was married (divorced 3 years now) to a mentally/emotionally/physically/sexually abusive alcoholic. While she has told me what she had been put through, I doubt I know all of it; I’ve never pressed her for details she didn’t want to share.
I have in small ways verbally encouraged her to seek out what she would be interested in sexually so we could discuss them. I also tried to vary our routine to show her it can be fun/enjoyable trying new things. (We’re up to 2 basic positions now.)
Neither have worked, and it now at a point where whenever she (I don’t bother anymore) brings the idea up of “sex”, I think (never say): “Just record it. That way you can enjoy it anytime, just watch the video. I’ll be in the next room staring at the walls it’s more interesting.”
Any ideas/suggestions on how to express my frustration without hurting her feelings and yet encourage her to new possibilities when it comes to sex?
2007-03-21 21:55:29 · 11 answers · asked by ATS 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The only way that you are gonna get anywhere with her is to just tell her how you feel.
There are many ways to spice up your sex life, but if she is not willing to try new things then you might be out of luck.
You should try doing really romantic things for her and let her know how much you love her, tell her how pretty she is and how much you want her, and if that doesnt work then she just might be crazy to not want you.
I wish you good luck !!
2007-03-21 22:03:54 · answer #1 · answered by sillygirlie22 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You sound like a very caring person who likes this woman. You are willing to be frustrated instead of searching for a new girlfriend. She obviously is satisfied with the sex but you are wanting to experiment and try new things.
Before I answer this question, let me say that I believe people should only have sex if they are legally married. And I say this because a bonding spiritually, physically, and emotionally takes place during sexual intercourse. You obviously care very much about this woman and enjoy her company outside of the bedroom or you would have moved on by now. Let me ask you - if she never changes sexually - are you willing to stay with her? Always remember - Sex is just a small part of a relationship, you still have to put up with the person the other 23 hours of the day outside of the bedroom. If you both are having orgasms, then you should be patient with her but good communication is the main key. NEVER discuss sex problems in the bedroom or during sex. Discuss it during a neutral time away from the bedroom. Be as tactful as possible, and if she gets her feelings hurt - she will get over it. You have to have good communication to have a good relationship. Also, if the two of you were married, she might be more willing to experiment (might is the key word, since I do not know her). A woman does not want to be thought of as a whore and if she is a decent/nice person she might have a hang up about experimenting outside of a marital bed.
BUT if she is not even having an orgasm, then she might need to see a professional therapist.
2007-03-21 22:13:31 · answer #2 · answered by Orion777 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Me and my wife are in the same boat but she will only do one position. We don't even have sex she is not open to other things she believes any other position than the missionary position is a sin.
My advice to you you should initiate sex tell her what you want her to do. if she is willing too. Have sex in other places than just the bed. Maybe watch a porno and ask her if she would like to try some of the stuff. Try having sex outside, role play if you make it more exciting maybe she will be into it more.
2007-03-21 22:03:24 · answer #3 · answered by ♫Rock'n'Rob♫ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well If I were you I would move on because honesty we all know that sex is what makes or breaks a relationship. You will get all kinds of answers from other people on here about what to do. I'm being real with you. She's already been married so she isn't going to change. Make yourself happy and find that person that you don't have to teach. Good luck
2007-03-21 22:03:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Work on the relationship and the sex will follow. If she feels pressured she won't be able to relax. If she's relaxed, really relaxed, it will be a whole lot better for both of you. If she really has a problem with sex, maybe she should see a counselor.
2007-03-21 22:00:00 · answer #5 · answered by Ivy 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have you thought of introducing soft porn? You could say that you have heard it is a good way to learn new techniques. I know a doctor that when you go tohim and tell him your problem he would suggest porn because of the voyuer in all of us. Try it but be subtle when introducing it. Try the Emanuelle movies
2007-03-21 22:00:38 · answer #6 · answered by CLEVER 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just come out and tell her sounds like you are miserable anyway, If sex is very important to you and you two cant
get it right, maybe you should break up. If she loves you though she may try some new stuff with you. good luck.
2007-03-21 21:59:09 · answer #7 · answered by beatch38 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Talk to her man, talk to her... tell her your wants, needs and desires and ask for her wants, needs and desires. You sure will come to a common point
2007-03-21 21:58:54 · answer #8 · answered by AdultMale 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
...bring a bottle of wine to the "playing field"... don't get her drunk...just relax'd and after you've kissed her from the tip of her nose to the tip of her toes (and all the places inbetween) I think she'll know what to do...............
2007-03-21 22:04:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
well you should give her this web site www.pureromance.com talk to one of her closes friends and tell them to through one of these partys beleive me most women who go to these partys leave with something fun
2007-03-21 22:00:42 · answer #10 · answered by cindy c 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋