Tell me a good joke?

Question

any joke as long it is funny

Answer 1

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative:

He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

Answer 2

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Answer 3

There were two guys in the Army. One day one of the guys gets a letter from his mother and after reading it becomes very sad. His friend (the other guy) asked him what was wrong. The first guy responded by handing him the letter. So the second guy reads that his friends mother had written that the first guy's girlfriend was in bed with arthritus. "Well" The friend said to the first guy... "That's not so bad..." The first guy turns to him and says "Yea, That's what you think. I know those Ritous boys and Art is the worst one!"

Answer 4

Who is the smarter sex?
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad
one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly
neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars,
the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a
woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but
fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that
we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for
the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely."

"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And
look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head
in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the
bottle, immediately puts the cork back
in and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

Answer 5

What’s the difference between a virgin and a woman wants to commit suicide??
That woman is trying to die, but the virgin is dying to try!!!


What’s the difference between a good secretary and an excellent one??
A good secretary says: “Good morning, sir.”
An excellent one says: “It’s morning, sir.”



A beggar walked up to a fat woman: “I haven’t eaten anything in 4 days.” She looked at him and said: “GOD, I wish I have your willpower.”

What are the three fastest ways to communicate??
1. Internet.
2. Telephone.
3. Communication.


Wife: Why are you home so early??
Husband: My boss told me to go to hell!!


Girlfriend: Will you love me when I’m old, fat and ugly??
Boyfriend: Of course I DO!!

Answer 6

teacher: When you come back to school tomorrow you must give me the first four letterz of the alphabet.
(so he went home at hometime and asked his mum)
boy: Mum, whats the first letter of the alphabet?
mum: SHUT-UP! i'M ON THE PHONE!
(So he went to his dad who was watching his favourite game show)
boy: Whats the 2nd letter of the alphabet?
Dad: 180!!
(so he went to his brother who was playing with his toys)
boy: whats the 3rd letter of the alphabet?
brother: In my little brum brum car
(so he went to his sister who was eating a lolipop)
boy: whats the 4th letter of the alphabet?
sister: lolipop, lolipop, lolillolylollypop
(so he went to school the next day and the teacher asked)
teacher: Ok, tell me the first 4 letters of the alphabet.
boy: SHUT-UP, I'M ON THE PHONE!
teacher: I beg your parden, do u know how many detentions you are getting?
boy: 180!
teacher: what do u think you deserve for this?
boy: lolipop, lolipop, loly loly lolypop
teacher: how do u think you'll get away with this??
boy: In my little brum brum car!

Answer 7

Go read my "Questions" in my profile. 99% guaranteed to make you laugh your @ss out!!!

Answer 8

What Do You Do When You See Your TV Floating In The Night?

DROP IT N.I.G.G.E.R!


Lol.

Answer 9

one she-horse asked her boyfriend:
-"how am i?"
he replied: "a night mare"