what can i do if i can't ask for help?

Question

i want to stop cutting for good, and stop thinking about hurting myself and stuff, only i can't ask anyone for help. and i mean i really, really can't do it. cause i get really nervous talking to people and can't do it, especially if they don't talk to me first, and i can't ask for stuff even if i really need to. like this one time when i was like 5 i wet my pants at school because i was afraid to ask the teacher if i could go to the bathroom (and I walked around with a wet skirt for the rest of the day), and in my whole life i've never once asked to go to the bathroom during class. and a few days ago i had a dentist appointment and i didn't want to go cause i was sick, and my mom said i could stay home if i wanted but only if i called to cancel it, so i had to go anyhow cause calling on the phone is worse than having people poke things in my mouth.

so how can i get help for stuff if i can't ever talk to anyone or ask for help?

asking online is different cause no one knows who i am, and plus i can lie about some of the irrelevent details so it's like it's not even me, but if i have to tell someone that i know or that i'm going to know or that i have to say anything outloud then i can't do it.

if i even have to write an email to someone about something not embarassing at all, like if i'm supposed to email a homework assignment to a teacher or stuff, then i can usually make myself do it if i wait a really long time after i write the email and then just close my eyes and send it without thinking about what i'm doing, but i almost always end up cutting myself afterwards, and if it's anything more than there's a really specific thing that someone told me exactly what it has to say then i can't do it at all. even if it's just to write a email to a friend from summer camp i usually can't do it. so writing a note won't work, and it's usually even worse than talking to someone in person.

Answer 1

this is serious.. you should consult a therapist.. i don't mean to insult you. no. im being honest with you.. i don't know ur age.. but you seem young.. if you stay this way you'll never succeed in ur life.. there an old maxim that says "if you don't ask , you don't get".. you're ahuman being and need to interact.. and the simplest form of interacting is asking.. if you don't take a serious action now it will be worse.. you should do something about it and stand up to ur feet.. if you can get away with few words now, remember it's always easy to overcome situations.. no one will find ur asking to go to the toilet absurd.. people call it "nature call"... everbody urinates and it can't be more normal to! .. practice makes perfection so practice my dear. face ur fears.

Answer 2

Hi, you seem to be painfully shy and very nervous, some people are just born that way, and have to work really hard learning that they have as much right as everyone else to say and feel what they want. You made a step by posting your question on yahoo, so it seems to me that putting thoughts and feelings into a written context is your first step towards healthy communication. Why not start a journal, write down all your thoughts for the day, negative and positive, then at the end of every month re-read them and start challenging yourself into changing all your negative thoughts into a positive. Remember your self worth, you are an important person, and there is no need for self cutting. Good luck, please feel free to email me if you would like to talk more, using the written word.

Answer 3

When you feel like cutting, just make sure you are around other people so you can't do it. Or think about other things that you can do instead of cutting... exercise, art, yahoo! answers, knitting, anything you can do to take your mind off of it. If you are using cutting to try to get other peoples' attention, it is clearly not working. You should try something else instead, like joining a club or a sport, writing, or something else. Or you could join an online support group. Find someone else with the same problem and you can email back and forth, or im, or something. You seem to do ok asking for help through writing. Could you write a note to the school psychologist? Maybe you could explain that you can't talk about these things, you can only write about them, and you could write letters back and forth with him/her?

Answer 4

What you need to do is, without asking anyone's help, is realize that you can do it yourself. And also, even if you're not sure if you can do it, do it anyway, especially with things like calling - there is no harm done if you mess up!

It seems to me, you have some self esteem issues - I had the same problem for a long time. Religion helped me greatly with this, but religion is not for everyone. What would help you is some self reflection, at night before you go to bed, in the shower, brushing your teeth, etc, any time you're alone.

Once you know who you are, only then can you build the confidence required not to ask anybody for help.

Best of luck, and I'll pray for you.

Answer 5

You have taken a brave leap by typing your concerns. There are obviously some fear issues that need to be dealt with and the catalyst may have been something as simple as an early childhood incident that may have been mis-perceived. anyway I am not qualified to discuss these matters but there are plenty of people I am sure that will help in your healing journey that may be possible through email...
You have already taken the first step toward a better mental state.

Answer 6

I have this same problem and my life is pretty difficult after 33 years of it. I haven't had a proper job in five years now, and before that worked only part time. I receive government disability to survive and rely on my parents and family for a place to live. Otherwise I would be homeless.

I find it extremely difficult to make any phone calls and would prefer to never call anyone, whether family members or strangers. Essentially I've wasted my life. Nor do I sit around playing video games, watching TV nor eating, but instead I search constantly for some answers, some revelation that will wake me up and fix what's wrong with me.

I write in a journal, search the internet, ask questions here on Yahoo Answers, join online groups for social phobics and adopted persons (My abandonment as an infant is the primary factor in my social phobia aggravated by parents who threatened further abandonment and gave only conditional love.)

I don't know if you have similar causes, but the name for what you describe is social phobia, social anxiety disorder, or avoidant personality disorder. I spent three unsuccessful years in therapy and took every drug in the book from SSRI's like Prozac and Zoloft to anti-psychotics and wasted hours talking about nothing, daily trivia like road rage incidents and people insulting me online, and getting no answers from him, nothing, until I finally quit going. I was too scared to tell him some of the things that were really bothering me anyway. The only way I could arrange therapy was to have my dad call to find a doctor and make the initial appointment.

The book that helped me overcome all my anger and depression and started me on the path to recovery is called Emotional Resilience by David Viscott, MD. By using that book to dig deep within myself I finally realized that my abandonment was the cause of my "weirdness" in the world.

Because of that I don't fit in anywhere, with adoptive family nor with my found birth family, and there's no reason to expect I ever will. I just wish it was common knowledge that adoption causes such confusion so everyone could've just relaxed, not expected and then been offended when I didn't fit in. And I wouldn't have felt so guilty and scared about being so odd. I also stopped taking any psychiatric meds, for 1 1/2 years now, because of that book and my revelations about myself.

But beside feeling better about myself, I'm still struggling with wondering why anyone would ever want to hear anything from me about anything and I don't want to call, be rejected, be humiliated, and risk making any mistake which I will beat myself up about for days afterwards and drive me deeper into isolation.

But I tell myself these things now that help: "No one else can tell you who you are." When I go to the store and wonder what people think of my purchases I think: "This is what I want." And when dealing with others: "Anyone who would care what some stranger says to them is just as insane as a stranger who would make some comment or insult someone else." So I let it go, ignore other people, try to get and do what I want, and live for myself.

I'm thinking of going back to school now and learning a trade, not a doctor or lawyer as my parents always insisted I become, as if there was nothing in between suicide and doctor in life, getting off disability and finding happiness in my success in making money, being honest, and supporting myself.

Answer 7

Who says you can't ask for help? You just have on here. That was your first step in getting help, and making yourself better.

What you need to do is write it all down in a letter, and give it or send it to your Dr, and explain that you have difficulty talking to anyone about this. They will then know whats going on, and be able to offer you the help you need and want.

You've made the first and hardest step by recognizing you need some support to get over this. And you will.

Good luck, God bless.

Answer 8

It sounds like you need to validate your selfworth to yourself. Please know that you are first and formost worthy of feeling better and receiving help for these issues. If you really feel that you can not ask for help face to face then just do some research online for counceling centers or helplines in your local area. Start with baby steps, find some online info that you can look at by yourself, then no matter how uncomfortable it makes you, tell someone that you feel you can trust to give you their opinions on what to do in situations where people cut themselves or are depressed. Make it an impersonal conversation until you feel that you are comfortable enough to tell them some of your experiences. There is no really way to deal with the cutting and the depression and the lack of self esteem unless you ask for help. The fact that you posted this message online shows that you want help and that you do in fact want to talk. It has taken me years to deal with my depression because i never even realized that i was depressed until i lost a child in November. I started to scratch myself until i would bleed so although i never used razors i still concider myself a cutter. Journaling is a good remedy for dealing with the cutting, it makes you feel the exact same way as cutting does but you arent causing any harm to yourself. maybe send your mother or someone that you feel you can talk to an anonymos email to get some advice until you feel comfortable enough to approach them. People cannot always tell that you want to talk or that you have issues that you feel you need help with unless you tell them. I promise that if you go to someone you trust and tell them that you need help with something, then there is a 100 percent chance that they will be supportive and will do whatever they can to help you. You are not alone. There is always someone that you can talk to, but first you need to admit to yourself that you deserve better in life.
if you ever want to talk to someone that will understand you can always email me at [e-mail] chances are whatever your feeling, i have also experienced.

Answer 9

write a note about your concern, perhaps this very same note you wrote as a question and when an urge like this occurs, just give the note to someone. I promise you that once you give someone the note explaining your concern, everything will be okay. I've experienced a trouble like the one you have and did the note thing. You will feel so relieved once you get help and it will be the best feeling in the world, once you get the help. Please seek out the help.

Answer 10

You can see if there are any therapy services available by chat on-line. However your best bet is to try to overcome your social fears and talk to a therapist in person. Therapists by federal law can't share any information about their patients anyways so you can tell anything about yourself to them without feeling embarrassed. However on-line intervention is worth a try if your to afraid to see a therapist. (If I find any on-line therapy sites Ill post some links here.)

Here is a possibility
http://www.openmindcounseling.com/initial_session_request.htm
(However I still have yet to determine their legitimacy)

http://www.etherapistsonline.com/
(This one requires a credit card but offers therapy live chat sessions emails and phone conferences, and when you finally overcome your fear of confronting people it will help you find a walk in therapist in your area.)