How can I love, if I stopped loving once?

Question

5 and a half years ago, I fell madly in love with a woman. I was so sure that she was everything to me. After 5 years, I don't feel anything anymore. I'm really confused as to what to do now! If I leave her, how can I ever trust myself to love again? Won't I just end up, after a few years, hurting someone else? So maybe I should stay with her, because the same would happen if I chose someone else? I'm so confused!

The problem is, I'm not even sure if I want to continue with her, so how can I put forth an honest effort to try to get things going? I'm just so tired of it all.. Sometimes I just wish I could meet someone new, but then again, wouldn't it just be the same after a while? (By the way, as far as I know, there aren't any marriage counselors in my country.)

Answer 1

Sit down and talk to your wife. There IS a reason things have gotten so dull in your marriage.

Figure out what that is and work on it. Spice things up in the bedroom (as long as your wife is comfy with it).

Go out on dates. Catch a sunset or rise together. Think about the reasons you fell in love with your wife. If you guys have sex frequently, take a week or two off and write notes to each other during that time telling how much you can't wait to be one with her again. Be sure to use that off time to snuggle, cuddle, and pet, but go no farther. That will set things on fire for you.

YOU must be willing to do your share as well. Remember it's not going to be a one sided change. You both probably got a bit lazy over those years and let the fun in your marriage slide (most of us are guilty of that).

Answer 2

When you say you fell madly in love w/ a woman, do you mean sexually attracted to her ? Because that can kind of love can be temporary. Your feelings can go away after awhile. If it didnt' last, that means your love was never deeper than the physical level. Your love for a woman have to be deeper than the physical in order to last longer. You have to love her every detail, be jealous when she's with someone else, really know her and love everything about her. You need to find a "best friend" not just a lover to be married to.

Answer 3

I hate to say it....but sometimes people need to gain some
perspective on their relationships, and they need to seperate
for awhile to see how they feel when that person isnt there
with you anymore. If you really end up feeling u love her...then
you both can get back together...and u would have learned
something. If you realize you don't really want to go back...
then, at least you'll know for a fact, and wont keep wondering.
But, whether u 2 come to an agreement..such as...being
faithfull...while u both work on yourselves...and try to come up
with a solution. Or u 2 can agree to see other people....to see
if that's what u really want. It's something u need to talk with
her about....tell her how u feel.....and focus on the solution...
not the problem. Good Luck to ya.....

Answer 4

i've been smiling by reading your text.i never saw someone asking and giving answers to his own question like you did. your problem is that you've been tempted to try to meet some one new as you said but remember that the woman who is sharing your life could have been thinking the same about you,for 5 and a 1/2 year you've been together now where did your love go?you took 5 year to get out of your madness for her,if you threw it in the bin nowaday lots of thing get recycle.who tell you that if you broke this relation you will find someone to get this patience to live with those hidden bad habits you have! you want to try a new kind of relation called butterfly...if you married don't try to break it .

Answer 5

hmmh... a really serious issue.

there is somthing wrong somewhere. you kinda get choked with love once in a while. you just wanna be alone n all.

check yourself. something is wrong somewhere. you still love that person but something bigger is clouding your love for her. dont let her go just yet... remember you dont know the value of what you have till you lose it.

but search youerself and put things right with you first. then approach your love. you are right that with a new person, things will become the same sooner or later.

Answer 6

Tolerance is what u need and understanding. Try new stuff with your lady. and again search deep inside you. yr childhood or something that yr woman does that turns u off and work things out. Nothing and completely nothing cant be resolved.

And don't try out a new r/ship bse u will be carrying yr old Babbage into a new r/ship and trust me u will ruin it pretty fast.

Answer 7

My advice is to get a dog. They don't seem to discriminate no matter how ugly you are. My new neighbours accross the street have a dog... fax me and I'll hook you up. No thanks necessary.