is it ok to refuse entry of my abusive mother when she knocks on my door?

Question

my mother has mentally and physically tortured me all my life, she gets joy out of my misery, she is extremely critical and jealous, I've tried to keep a superficial relationship with her in the past but she constant put me down, such as ''you are ugly'' or ''you deserve to be beaten when you were small'', she even said things like ''the only reason your boyfriend loves you is because he is sick, otherwise he would never date you''. after all the verbal put down, 7 months ago i decided to cut her off completely, i've changed my phone number and stopped calling her or visiting her, last night she knocks on my door un-announced. i told my boyfriend to answer the door and let her know that she is not welcome at my home, she was very shocked and went home, is what i am doing ok?

Answer 1

Of course its ok. You deserve to be happy and shes a neg. in your life. She doesnt deserve to be around you. Legally you have every right to send her away from your door and not let her in. Except I believe she will be back again and again until you open up and actually explain to her why you dont want her in your life. Having your boyfriend tell her to go home wont work again. If she's mentally ill she may find a way to hurt him thinking that he's the reason you wont see her. Next time she shows up at your door block the door and step out forcing her to move back a couple steps and close the door behind you. Explain what you said here and tell her you dont want her negative ways in your life. And if she shows up knocking at your door again. You need to either move or get a restraining order to protect you and your home.

Answer 2

Yep, now follow it up with an extensive letter. In your letter express to her how it felt to be put down when she came over and try to visit? This is your opportunity to really dig deep into your heart and express your disappointment in her attitudee and how it affected you.

Let her know if she wants a relationship, she must change her attitud toward you, because you've plan to live your life without her, including her future grandkids. You refuse to be torture by her constant behavior, and you'll no longer going to have to find the joy out of your misery.

Express from your heart how this had really made you sad though out your life! If she wants a relationship you're going to laid down some rules she going to have to accept. Buy her a Bible and have it mail to her with your extensive letter.

Now you know what type of mother, and wife Not to be when you have your own family! You will be the most loving and caring mother to your kids, because meanness is Not in your blood. This is not the way to treat your kids. This is not the way you treat people. Keep the word of God on the tongue of your family.

God Bless

Answer 3

I think your were absolutely right for turning her away. Maybe consider writing her a letter explaining why you turned her away, and how she made you feel all those times when when she treated you the way that she did. Even if she doen't respond in kind to your letter, at least you will have spoken your word and a burdan will have been lifted off you. I am so sorry that you own mother treats you this way. That is just sick! I rally hope that you are able to find peace dispite waht has happened in your life. No ones deserves to be treated like you were. Just trust in GOD and he will lead you safely trough.

Answer 4

If she is abusive to you, you are doing the right thing by ending the relationship until she gets help and changes...this may never happen though. You are doing the right thing. I ended my relationship with my dad and step-mom for the ame reasons...long story....basically dad abandoned family while my sister and I were young, abused drugs and alcohol,stopped paying child support and put us in harms way all the time. As an adult, he and my stepmom constanly verbally abused me. He allowed my step mom to be incredibly rude to me all the time. I finally said NO MORE and refused to speak to them. It was a little easier for me because I was in a different state from them. I would not answer calls from them and when they would come to my state to visit family...I made myself unavailable. A few years ago, my dad died and I felt guilty for the last words that came from my mouth for the longest time......I now feel what I did was right. Stand up for yourself.

Answer 5

You are 100% correct in not allowing her in your place. If you want to, you could possibly make it more "official" by getting a restraining order against her. Or, at least an anti-harrassment order. Please speak with an attorney on this matter. Otherwise, you did just fine. Keep it up. I wish you the best. You did not deserve any of the way she treated you so badly when you were growing up. Take care. By the way, maybe you might want to consider getting counseling for yourself about all of this? Just a thought.

Answer 6

i would call her and tell her exactly how you feel a/b the treatment you received your entire life and then make sure that you seek professional help w/ a therapist to help heal your wounds b/c you are obviously still hurting,maybe even try family therapy if your mom is willing to go as well. but before you do anything give yourself time to calm down and make sure you write down what you want to say so that you don't let your emotions rule the tongue. it's always important to try to keep some type of relationship w/your mother but only on the terms you're comfortable with. i hope it all works itself out and you become the beautiful and healthy person you can be. you will never be able heal properly if you don't fix this.take care.

Answer 7

Of course, it's okay! Four and a half years ago I moved and didn't tell my family where I moved. Not once have I had any regrets, just relief. They haven't seen me or heard from me this whole time. When you have a bad family, you have every right to part ties. Sometimes it's vital for our physical, mental and emotional well-being. Remember, you didn't choose your family, but you can choose what you do as an adult. I am a lot better off! So it that's what you want to do, then do it.

Answer 8

Above all it is important that you can respect yourself and your own decisions/actions. I support that for I had the same sit. w/my own mom. She got her life straight and now we have a relationship in small doses. It is important to have how she did and does make you feel heard by her. But do it on your own terms. it seems like you need a break to feel good about yourself on your own. when your ready, try to talk with her. if it never gets better at least you know you gave it you best.

Answer 9

If you were abused mentally, emotionally, or physically by a parent, you have every right to separate yourself from that person now that you are living on your own. It's a sad truth but sometimes it's the only way to find peace for yourself.

Answer 10

Absolutely! AND get some help. You need a professional to help you get through what she put you through. You aren't ugly and have never deserved to be beaten.