this is what my best friend fiance said after they broke up because of her being insecure (she is seeing a counsellour)
*that he just wants to be friends, doesnt want to see her but still wants to remain friends but by talking on the phone. he let her keep the ring but said dont put it on just keep it in the box to look at and hope for the future that maybe we'll get back together. he also said i love you but am not 'in' love with you. thats he needs a clean slate and would be happy if she moved on. but laast night she asked him she would only be friends if there was hope for them and his answer is theres always hope. is he plying with her feelings and trying to make her feel better? she seems to think there is hope but he wants to find himself again, wants her to get help which she is doing, but my main concern can you fall back in love with someone after being hurt so many times in the past? how long could that take? why break off if you think you can work things out?
2007-03-21 16:15:54 · 8 answers · asked by jenperera 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
he's stringing her along waiting to see if anything better comes his way and once it does - he'll be gone. She just needs to get rid of the loser and if he wants the ring back then give it back, if he doesn't tell her to sell it and go somewhere nice with the oney - don't want to keep looking at it and 'hoping'.
That's not fair to her that he broke it off and is telling her to hope for later.
2007-03-21 16:23:40 · answer #1 · answered by Ashley 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a great example of insecurity.
To me, his words are utter bullshit whether he is being nice and trying to make her feel better or not. What he has done is disrespected her and her feeling for him and in the same process set her up so he can come back later if he wants.
Yes, you can fall in love again or be in love again with the same person after being hurt. If you call that love.
Love is distinguishable with mutual respect of feelings, not obsessive needs and wants. A clear discernment of the 2 is something that your friend needs to understand.
Insecurity will always lead to other people having their way with your will.
My advice would be to forget this guy, for your self respect and work on your issues of insecurity.
he res a tip, the people that surround you have a big part in who you are.
2007-03-21 23:27:52 · answer #2 · answered by Tyson 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's trying to let her down easy but he's going about it all wrong. There is never an easy way. And he's afraid to ask for the ring back so he's letting her keep it. Why he said what he did, I think is cause he didn't know what else to say.
I don't think he's playing with her emotions, he just doesn't know any other way to tell her other than what he did. He loves her, but is not "in love" with her.
He has no intentions of ever going back with this girl. That's why he told her to move on.
She needs to face the hard truth that it's over between them
2007-03-21 23:24:30 · answer #3 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he MIGHT have broke things off as a way of forcing her to seek the help that she needs [or he feels that she needs]
But by staying in touch he is not really giving her a real chance to heal or focus on her therapy IMO..........maybe at this point the girl needs to be a little stronger and step away and find out if HE is actually the person she wants........maybe after a bit of counseling she will see that he has a few or more issues of his own [imo he sounds MORE than a little manipulative]
2007-03-21 23:26:22 · answer #4 · answered by candy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if you are a true friend you will mind your own business. A friend would trust her to find her own solutions while being emotionally supportive. You do not have the experience to offer wise council but you do care about her so listen and let her vent but keep your mouth shut when it comes to telling her what to do. Tell her that you know she will make the right choice for herself. So often in life our friends do the exact opposite of what we would do but it works out well for them. We cannot know what is in the best interest of our friends because we are not inside their skin. So, love and support and faith in your friends ability to find solutions and then the gift of silence. Don't tell her what to do and above all don't discuss the problem with mutual friends. The last thing she needs is for her personal problems to become public knowledge. If someone asks you about it don't respond.
2007-03-21 23:39:14 · answer #5 · answered by QueenBean 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it sounds to me like he has broken up with her and she is struggling to cope. sometimes people say lets be friends to ease the effects of breakup for the other person. she is seeing a counsellor so he may also be wary of affecting her temprement. a break up is difficult especially if you were engaged. your friend is clinging to false hope. do not blame him for stringing her along. your focus should be on being the best friend you can to her and not allowing her to entertain thoughts that they will reconcile. it's sounds like this is the last thing her ex wants and he is just trying to spare her feelings.
2007-03-22 17:59:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my ex said basically the same things with no intentions of getting back togther with me. we where engaged for 2 years! he just strung me along making me think maybe we would. next thing i knew i found out he was dateing a co worker of his that i knew about prier to the breakup the very next day after he left me...
so really he broke off our engagment to sleep with someone else and why he made me think we where going to get back togther? i dunno, maybe to have a fling with me while he was with the other girl..
but the whole time he treated me like crap. ive never seen that side of him.
my best advice is. you cant be freinds with an ex. its impossable. to many feelings are hurt and its just about impossible to fix everything that was done even if you get back together.
i hope your freind doesnt get hurt any more then she already is. just be there for her when ever she needs you for as long as she needs you. distract her but dont get her hopes up..
sorry to hear this happened to her. :(
2007-03-22 00:39:24 · answer #7 · answered by lusciousevil 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think its pretty clear, he said he loved her but is not in love with her, that is not relationship material. She needs to move on right away.
2007-03-21 23:53:25 · answer #8 · answered by alexandria1_1999 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋