Almost a year ago my father passed away and my mom has been living alone. She is very depressed. I have tried to help, I have let her come stay with me periodically and have spent many weekends with her. I also went on a vacation with her for 2 weeks. I had some difficulity with my mom wanting to spend a lot of time with me and being very co-dependent (she was always like that), so I had to put the brakes on and spend less time with her. My mom has become angry about this and needs someone in her life, but doesn't want to reach out to others and be friendly, she only trusts family. To compound the issue, she also found out my brother is gay during this year and will not have anything to do with him anymore, so all the pressure is on me. Recently my mom has started leaving mean and angry messages on my voicemail and it giving me ultimatums...that I need to spend time with her, or tell her that I don't want her in my life. She wants to have a dramatic confrontation, help me please!
2007-03-21 16:12:50 · 5 answers · asked by What_A_Gass 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Man that has got to suck. You poor girl. First of all i would talk to your mum and tell her that you aren't willing to get into a big dramamtic convo and that you just want to talk to her about what is happening at the moment. If your mum wants to be all dramatic tell her that you aren't willing to be drawn into it and don't talk to her until she stops being dramatic. You need to put your foot down and tell her that you are grieving the loss of your father and you know that she needs your support but she can't just rely on you and that she needs to confront her pain and sort it out then she needs to go out and find some friends and allow you to also live your life. I feel you just need to be upfront with your mum. This happened when i was young my mum relied on me too much and then became all dramatic when i was ready to move on and i just let her know that i need to have my own life and that i will always be there for her but that she needs to rely on herself she is the mum not me and that i;m the daughter who she should turn to for support but not to rely on me. Good luck and i hope that you and your mum can sort this out as you really should be supporting each other in this time.
2007-03-21 16:30:21 · answer #1 · answered by jimmy_chick78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the first part of your question you said that you mother is controlling, but I don't really know how you mean that. Another person can't 'control' you unless you allow it.
I agree that your mother is very depressed. She is not thinking rationally and is targeting you. She really needs professional help, but getting her there is the problem. Does she have any good friends that might get her to see that she needs help? You say you are 33. Do you have children? The reason I ask is that you might have to deal with her sort of in the same way you deal with an errant child. By that I mean tough love. Don't 'react' to her and try to stay calm and rational with her. Encourage your brother to stay involved with her even if she treats him awful. It's possible that her depression and unhappiness is causing her to reject him in such a severe way.
You are going to have to take care of yourself if you want to preserve your relationship with your mother and also help your mother get well. You might need to actually see a therapist to help you learn how to deal with your mother in the healthiest way for both of you. I know your heart is breaking and you are wore slap out not to mention the anger. Hope you can find some help. Good Luck.
2007-03-21 16:45:24 · answer #2 · answered by stevieray 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has depression that needs to be treated by a professional. As much as you try you will not be able to help her. She doesn't really want a dramatic confrontation she wants control. The lost of someone you love makes you feel like you've lost all control.
2007-03-21 16:24:45 · answer #3 · answered by Dusie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it can be hard when a parent becomes a burden there was a time when I was younger, and my father became very ill my mother would just depend on me for everything. You do need your space and you have to tell her that so when you speak with her try to come to an agreement that you both are comfortable.
2007-03-21 16:27:25 · answer #4 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you do not wish to have drama in your life and unless she can stop you are sorry but she needs to leave you alone. She is an unhappy person and wants to drag others down. As for your brother, that is BS that she is blowing him off. Shame on her, she needs help. You are not responsable for her happiness, but you are for yours and if you need to cut her out then go for it. Be nice and explain to her maybe in a letter. See how she responds.
2007-03-21 16:20:46 · answer #5 · answered by openminded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋