REALLY IMPORTANT question PLEASE ANSWER THIS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!?

Question

Hi,
last year I was a great student. I siduied hard. GOt straight A's. In fact I studied all the time except for 1-2 hrs a day when I ate and worked out. THis year, I still am a great student. School gets harder so I still have straight A's on my report card but I get a B on a test once in a while, but I maintain straight A's on the report card. THis year, I got involved in other things. Such as student activities and music (I play concerts). My parents were always really proud of me. But lately it feels like they hate me. I am ALWAYS getting yelled at. I dont understand why. It seems that everything I do, my mom always blames it on the music. If I study late into the night because I have many tests and am tired...its because of the music I play. If I happen to be forgetful...its bacuas eo fthe music I play. Also my hair is a tad bitlong. So my mom keeps saying..."your eyes look so small with that hair, you used to be a good kid, now we, your parents are scared of you" I dont understa

understand. I DONT yell at my parents. I try to follow what they tell me to. There are just a few things like my hair that I like to keep my way and it seems that they have no admiration for my musical talents at all. that makes me look like a bad person. I study around 4(MINIMUM) to 8 hours a day and sometimes more and they ae always saying :You dont study. Look at other kids so wonderful always studying you dont study." 8 HOURS!!!! 8 hours I study after school, from like 5 pm to 1 am or 2 am I study. Now when I go to work out they're like "ok go ahead and do that and dont study" Oh My God! What do I do? I feel guilty. Always getting yelled at. I feel lonely and tired because I cant tell anybody about this. Im even ashamed to tell my friends.

One time I accidently clogged the toilet and my mom is like :"Stop playing music". When my hair is long shes like "YOur hair is long...so you cant think straight" i know they love me, they spend so much money on me and want me to succeed. But they are killing me like this. I used to study for enjoyment. WHen they push me, it makes it feel like i HAVE to do it.

Im 17 years old

It sbeen like this only for the last couple of days. My dad helps me out sometimes. But when I asked them for help on a school project, they ignored it and didnt talk aobut it. Also they regulate my activities TOO MUCH. THey ask me questions and whenever I am in a fit, the question is always turned around to make it seem that I'm wrong. JEEZ How do I deal with this. I especially hate when my mom says she's scared of me, Why? Im not a criminal I dont yell at my parents I've NEVER done drugs of any sort I dont hang out late with my friends I am good in school I DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!! I feel so guilty like I am the thorn responsible for their pain. I wish I wanst alive anymore

they always make other people seem better than me.

oh yeah and its not like im into death metal or anything. I like soft rock bands like REM jjez! I dont even dress out of the ordinary!

Whenever I say "my friends even like my hair...this is how people like it now" they are like "Your friends dont REALLY like it...they are just saying that so you dont feel bad."

they say if you style your hair like that, you will forget about studies

Answer 1

You are 17 & a great student, but you are trying to solve the worlds oldest problem. Every parent was a "problem" child to their parents, but in their eyes they were the "perfect" child. As parents we tend to judge by what we see and hear, and then relate those thoughts and actions into our own daily peronal lives. The toughest part of a teenager's life is trying to please their parent's and meeting the standards they have set. As a parent sho set those same standards and limits on my own daughters, I can tell you that the only way your parents are going to change their minds about how they see you, is to have them see you as others see you. This may sound difficult, but perhaps you need to seek advice from your school's guidance counselors. If you are involved in more activities in school, your parents should be made aware of this. NOT BY YOU, but by yoour teachers, counselors, directors, etc. If your teachers praise you and your work, to your parents, then eventually they will realize that you are still on the right track. Unfortunately, you are almost free (from High School, that is) and the impact your teachers may have could be minimal. Another reason your parents may be on a rampage is that they realize that soon, you will be graduating and you will no longer be under their control. They could just be exercising their last rights as parents. I, having been a "problem" child understand that you don't want to give in to their seemingly unjust demands, but you will need to learn to pick your battles. You will have to learn this rule of life eventually, so why not start now, with the people who matter most in your life. I'm not telling you to cut your hair...I'm asking you to determine if the arguments are worth the stress. Perhaps a different hairstyle, some where in the middle ground. I certainly don't want you to stop playing your music. All my children are extremely gifted when it comes to music, and I yould never have asked them to stop, but perhaps, you should mix in some of their favorite tunes and get them signing and dancing with you. Ask them what they like, have them share a bit of their lives with you, and you will soon get some musical support. If you play an instrument, you could learn your mother's favorite song and play it for her on a special occasion, or just for the fun of it. You'd be surprised how far a goodwill gesture can take you. Don't change who you are, but don't forget where you came from either. I am very pround of my daughters and the beautiful young women they have become, but I can certainly admit that we had a few rough years doing the same things you and your parents are doing. We solved it by getting more involved in each others lives, perhaps it's not too late for your parents to attend your concerts and school functions, but you need to ask them to be involved in your life. Right now they feel like they are outsiders. A little more communication (no yelling) will get you there. No matter what the situation, keep your cool, and don't yell or disrespect them, and you will be able to make your point easier. Hope I have helped. No matter what remember that YOU matter in this world, and even if your parents don't come around right now, they will eventually. They are still proud of you, they are just a bit lost in your life right now. Oh, by the way another member wrote that you should move out when you're 18. DON"T DO IT. Go to college, live at home for as long as you can, you will be thankful later, and your parents will love you for it as well. Just remember that after you turn 18, you need to help out at home as well to pull your share of the family weight. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Parents have a hard time letting go of the control, and the fact is you are getting older and making decisions that they don't agree with, and they don't know how to handle it. You should point out to them, that you understand they dislike certain choices you have made about your appearance or your time-management, but that you are still making great grades and acheiving goals. If they have any common sense at all, they will hear your logic. Of course, they may not be logical, or it could be more about appearances. They may be more worried that your look and love of music APPEARS to be rebellious or whatever, do they seem overly concerned with what others think? Also, one other thing is that they could be having troubles that have nothing to do with you, but it comes out that way. Do they seem more stressed than usual? Kids always think it's them, when a lot of times, it's other things in life....hang in there! When you turn 18 and move out, you will have the freedom to make choices and see where those choices take you.....but while you are still at home, you must follow the rules. You sound like a good kid, sorry you feel so misunderstood by your parents.

Answer 3

How old are you? Are you Chinese? Not that that has anything to do with it, but just wondering.

Okay, well it sounds like your parents are exactly like mine. I was a straight A student as well in high school, and I never went out, and basically I did everything that my mom wanted me to do. However, once high school came I got many more opportunities to explore my interests in extracurriculars, and I took them. I joined countless clubs, sports teams, and even became a part of student government. However, all these additional extracurriculars in my life meant that I could not devote as much attention to my studies or the family. Like you, my grades slipped and I would not get A's on all my exams or papers, but I still maintained a straight A average overall.

Yes, I was just as frustrated. What right does my mom have to complain about what I was doing? I was still getting straight A's wasn't I? I was not going out and partying all the time, nor was I doing drugs. The things I did were legitimate, and overall healthy things! I didn't understand. I started to hate her constant criticism. Why was I never good enough for her?

BUT, now I realize that it's not that my mom wasn't proud of me, or that she didn't support what I was doing. She said those things to me and treated me that way because she wasn't use to the change that I was going through...that I was GROWING UP. I was no longer that perfect little girl she had that just stayed at home and obeyed her every command.

Sometimes, it is just really hard for parents to adjust to their kids growing up and developing into different people. It does not mean that they love you any less.

What I would suggest that you do is TALK to them. However, don't automatically assume that once you talk to them that everything will instantly be fixed. NOPE. Not that easy. Your parents are already adults, well into the years of their life, which means that they are pretty set in their ways, beliefs, and mentalities. It's hard to change them, to get them to accept the new you. But, talking is the first step. Getting them to realize that they are making you so miserable.

I'm sure your parents love you, and they may not even realize that their comments are affecting you in that way. Communication is a good start. Go from there and work something out with them. Ask them what they expect from you, and tell them what you expect from them. Tell them what they say that hurts you, and ask them to stop. Small things like that. Hopefully, with time, your relationship with your parents will improve.

Lastly, don't kill yourself. You sound like a smart kid. Don't waste your life like that. Suicide is for quitters.

Answer 4

hi,
your parents are afraid that they are losing there little boy there good little boy, talk to them and explain to them that you are still the good son they raised and that you are just experimenting with a new look, that you are still studying everyday and even leave your door open when you are studying so that they can walk by and see for there selves. as for your music remind them about there music and how there parents did not like there music when they were growing up make a kind of joke of it ask them about there music and how much there parents did not like it,

Answer 5

Well, appears DO subject but when he has a fab character then it does not particularly subject. My sort of man is any one who is aloof, mysterious, quiet or something. I regularly like men who've darkish hair and dark eyes.

Answer 6

you let your parents know-- your studding- doing the best you can..... it's there loss- if they don't like it...... you fix your
hair the way you wont too.... be your own person..... and be
proud....... have a daughter 20yrs. old.. son will be 18 in
May..... they go by my rules, but i give them their space
to be there own selves...... my kids are into the
music too..... i think its just because your parents are
not used to that kinda music..... don't argue---
just give them time to adjust........

Answer 7

it is natural to a student to hace their extra curicular activities and still you have a good grades if you will compromise with your parents it will be good for you. why not try to trim your hair a little bit

Answer 8

Just ignore them, they're being stupid. If you want to keep playing music then do it!:)

Also talk to your friends. They probably will empathize with your situation.

Answer 9

Are you Asian? Maybe this is a cultural thing.