Friends who drink?

Question

I have a bunch of friends who go out drinking every weekend (we're all freshman in high school). So far they've respected me because I don't want to drink, and it's cool when we hang out, but my parents know about my friend. I have a good relationship with my parents, but I can see their trust in me starting to slip. Should I hang out with these guys because they're great, the only bad thing about them is they drink, at the risk of my parents trust, or still hang out with them keeping my values hoping that they'll just trust that they did a good job raising me?

I'm sorry, I meant still hang out with them or stop hanging out with them

Answer 1

I made the mistake, along with some other friends, when I was 16, of flipping out and berating a friend who drank. We thought that in our infinate knowledge, we knew what was best and that she was doing a terrible, horrible, awful thing, and it was our job to bring it to her attenion. We fought for an entire summer over this, and it was awful. We all thought that we could never be friends again. I almost lost the girl who would end up being my best friend and sole source of sanity for my junior and senior year of highschool. Looking back, I can see that me and my group of do-gooder friends overreacted, and really alienated that other girl, and I feel guilty about it. It was her choice, as much as I disagreed with it, and I should have respected that.

Now, I'm not saying that drinking when you're a freshman is okay. Personally, I think it's way to young to start and totally not a good idea. But hey, if your friends are willing to risk it, it's their prerogitive. You said it yourself, these friends are great, and you seem to like them a lot. Just because you have different values than them doesn't mean you have to cut of all contact. It just means you won't be hanging out with them while they drink, and you won't be rehashing party stories come Monday morning. Why lose a chill group of friends just because of one little caveat? By all means, if you like them and enjoy spending time with them, then do it!

Your parents shouldn't stop trusting you because you have some friends that drink. Just be honest with them, and don't give them a good reason not to trust you. Let them know that drinking isn't your thing, and you're not going to give into peer pressure just because some of the people you know did.

I will say one thing: hanging out with people who drink will make you a lot more likely to drink. Not because of peer pressure or anything like that. You just might eventually get tired of hearing about all the fun and crazy things that happen at the parties they go to, and eventualy you might want in on the fun. It happened to most of the people I know, even the staunch teetotalers. Not saying this will happen to you, but it is something to think about, that your parents might have already thought about...

Answer 2

hi
it is a good thing that you don't drink and at such a young age makes it even better. if you think that your parent are beginning to think less of you then you have to make a chose, do you want the trust and understanding of you parent that you worked so hard to get so that you could have the rights that you have in there house and outside of there home, or do you want to keep the friend as they are and become the designated drive taken care of them, making sure they get home safely always worrying if they 're okay, and losing the respect of your parents, them wondering if you are out there doing the same thing as your friends worrying that pear pressure might get to you or worse because you were doing the right thing helping them some how some way something has happen to you and your friends, think about what you are doing not to your family but to yourself. you can keep your friend just tell them that somethings have got to chance like someone besides you has to be sober, or that they have to have a no drinking night so that you wont feel so out of place all the time,

Answer 3

Well, first of all, they are all minors. There are legal issues to take into consideration when you are hanging out with people that are breaking the law. If by chance someone should happen to call the police you could easily end up getting lumped in with them and arrested. Second of all, you are all freshman now, if they are showing irresponsible behavior by drinking now, what is going to happen when you guys start driving? Are they going to stop drinking just because they are also now driving? You could be very well taking your life in your hands at that point by hanging out with them. Third, your parents trust you, and if you are not drinking they probably know. I think what they are losing faith in is your judgment. They are probably thinking of the same things (and maybe more) that might happen to you just by associating with kids that are drinking. They want the best for you, they don't want to see something bad happen to you because someone else was doing something bad.
I think you should reconsider hanging out with these friends, not because they are bad people, but because what they are doing isn't good for them, and it does have the potential to affect you as well.

Answer 4

Well as a parent of a junior and a freshman I might sound like I am on your parents side but please read this.

First is that as a freshman, you are probably below the legal drinking age, I know that that didn't stop me, but it is a fact.

Second is that if your friends are going out drinking, who's driving???
I lost a friend in high school because she went out with her boyfriend that had been drinking (alot). He passed out at the wheel and went into a canal. She drowned and he servived.

My daughter (the junior) lost 4 friends basically the same way, none of them survived the accident.

I know the peer pressure is a big issue and you will have to deal with that, I don't assume to tell you what decission to make.

As far as your parents are concerned, you stated that you have a good trusting relationship with them. If you do then you should talk to them, you'd be surprised how far that will go to maintaining that trust, and how much they understand.

You could even set up a plan with them similar to what I have with mine.

If you go out with friends and they or you or both have been drinking, espicially the one who is driving, then call home and ask for a ride, no questions asked. The down side is that if they go out and drink and get a dui, or I find out about it some how (parents have their ways) then they face sever punishment.

We also have an agreement with some of the parents of their close friends that, if they are supervised by one of the sets of parents they are allowed to drink some as long as noone is driving, like at sleep overs and parties. But all parents must agree to this and be aware, otherwise the parents face legal problems.

All in all the most important thing to do in talk to your parents, they do understand more than you probably are willing to admit.

Answer 5

As long as you mean what you say and not drink when you are out, then keep hanging with them. I was the one in my group of friends that did the same thing. Because I cared about them it was easy to not drink, plus I could be their DD. Your parents will respect you for not drinking and will soon learn thet they can trust you. They would be very proud of you knowing that they raised a great kid. Make sure you sit them down and explain to them what you wrote here. Way to go for doing the right thing!

Answer 6

Friends are important but family is more. Losing your parents trust is a horrible thing cause they wont trust you to go to partys or go out at night, etc. But on the other hand, friends are also really important to have to.

Wait a while and talk with your parents about it, like reissure them that you are responsible enough to know what is right and wrong. Stay with your friends but what ever you do do not lose your parents trust. It sounds lame but really it is what will allow you to do what you want.

Answer 7

High school freshmen shouldn't be drinking. You not only in danger of peer pressure causing you to join in you are also in danger of going down with them if the cops ever catch them. It's good that you haven't started drinking so far. Maybe you should hang out with them only when they're not drinking.

Answer 8

Reassure your parents that you know what is expected of you as their son and that you intend to keep it intact. Tell them that as long as your friends do not force you to drink with them, you want to take your chances and that if you ever give in to the temptation, you promise to be the first to tell them and limit meeting and going around with your friends. Since your friends seem to understand that everybody has different values, you can hang around with them but if you feel that you yourself or your friends are being the temptation, stop yourself then and there. You are sure responsible and mature enough to handle yourself, just express it more often to your parents so that they may feel at ease too.

Answer 9

If they like you for who you are, they will not pressure you into drinking with them when you say no.
It's really your own choice in the end, & I can tell that you do not like to drink. Your values should always come first, remember that the next time you hang out with your friends =D

Answer 10

the worst thing to do is to lose your parents trust. when your friends arent there your parents are going to still be there. and as far as your friend you dont have to cut them off but tell them that the friend ship isnt going to work to certain point. basically tell them it has to be a hi and bye relationship.