How do I forgive a person over a conflict I just can't let go of for some reason?

Question

Back in Thanksgiving, I had a fairly major disagreement with my mother in law. Well, it is March and for some reason, I cannot let it go. It is very unlike me to hold on to stuff this long. In fact, it is the only time, especially over something like this (how I raise my daughter--important, and I did have a right to be angry initially, but it is NOT worth 4+ months of anger. I honestly have no idea what my problem is). I need some tips on how you have gotten past issues and forgiven people in the past. I need to forgive because my mother in law is the way she is because of extreme bitterness and anger and I do NOT want to be like her. Usually, I am a VERY forgiving person and that is one of the reasons my husband married me. But for some reason, I just cannot let this go, and yes, I have tried to talk to her about it but she cut me off (along with her other daughter in law). Help! :)

she LOVES conflict; thrives on it. I would love to ignore her! She lives in Japan, so I will only see her once every year at MOST so everything we've done has been in writing. So in that respect, I do ignore her. I send her pictures along with everyone else and that is all she gets. When I posted a few weeks/months ago about whether or not to send pictures anymore, everyone said I should. So did my husband who is not happy with her either. It is AMAZING how much pain someone can cause across the world. Other daughter in law and I were discussing this. She gets it worse than I do. We decided to start an In-Law Support Group for all of us now and future in-laws, haha. :)

Answer 1

You need to take it as a lesson learned in life but not forgotten. It is a big deal when it comes to such an issue as raising your daughter. She has the right to comment, but not to control. If you get along otherwise, you could always just agree to disagree. She may have been trying to help(but then again I don't know details). It obviously really bugged you, whatever she did say! I think in time it will blow over and if she brings it up again then try to talk about it. Good luck, I know this could be tricky!
ps..you and your husband know what's best for your daughter

Sounds like your mom-in-law problems are like my mom problems. Her and I get along for the sake of my kids, but after that there isn't any closeness. Doesn't it suck? Stick to your guns but continue to let her be involved(as much as she can be by phone, letters or email) and hope that as your daughter grows older that your M-I-L grows up also.

Answer 2

Wow, that's a toughy because it was about how you raise your daughter. She really put you in an awkward position. Now, you said she cuts you off when you want to talk about it, that shows that she's not ready to let go of it either. Forgiveness is a two way street when it comes to things like this and your mother in law sounds like she's not ready to forgive you enough to listen. You may have to let a little more time go by on this one and kind of let it fizzle out. Sounds to me, just by reading your question, that maybe she thrives on conflict a little. Just show that you're the bigger person and treat her the way you always did before the disagreement, but do not take all the blame. I'm more than sure your husband will stand by you on this. God Bless:)

Answer 3

Oh, boy I've been where you are and it's definately a hard place to be. Try writing it to her, she can't cut you off that way! Remember that no matter what other people say to you about how you should or should not raise your child,it is only you and your husband's opinions that count in the long run. Try and just let it go, it's hard but there's better places to expend your energy rather than being upset at a relative! Hope it goes okay for you, I know it's a hard one. I survived, and am now on great terms with mine after I let her know how upset I really was in a letter! Maybe it will work for you too...Good luck to you!!!

Answer 4

the genuine effect of "forgiving" is interior the certainly "forgiver" and not interior the forgiven. The act of forgiving is definitely in basic terms a psychological technique of taking the stress stepped forward from the rigidity that arises from the consistent interest of paying interest to the revenge or hate of yet another. it incredibly is a self survival issues. at first it became a decision I made to pass against all my inner stress, carry interior the vengeful concepts and hate and questioning in contact with how while the time comes i visit get even. It became a marvelous type of problem to be this way yet it incredibly is how i used to be. Then i desperate, chosen, made the alternative to purpose it the born returned christian concern. I additionally comprehend that no vengeance has ever been good or satisfying so I make the alternative, option to forgive. the liberty I felt from the bonds and up-tightness i became earlier I forgave became sufficient to convince me that I had made a marvelous determination.

Answer 5

Well..I'd be pretty pissed off, so I understand why you're still angry. I like to dread over past things too. Just move on with your life and give her some time to realize her mistake. Everytime you see her, just be as nice as possible. Be the bigger person. Don't let that pride get in the way. Trust me, it sucks.

Answer 6

Write down why it bothers you so much. If you need to mail it to her go for it. But just expressing it may be enough.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Don't bother forgiving her, just ignore her.

Answer 8

Forgiving is the easy part. You can't forget and you shouldn't but for your own peace of mind please forgive.....