Questions for on divorce and religion?

Question

close friend of mine feels divorce is very iminent. She had two very bad long term relationships with guys who had drug issues; the very next (and first) guy she dated without issues, proposed to her within 6 months and they were married. She got married for completely the wrong reason and is suffering from that. Nice guy, just no feelings for him. She's not sure how to reconcile this with her religion (catholic) or spend the rest of her life in a miserable marriage which is unfair to her husband, who could have a much better life.

Answer 1

Dear JD,

I'm a youth/college pastor at a small Christian church.

In terms of what your friend and her husband should do-- i think that's up to them to decide, but there are obviously a lot of issues to consider.

1) Love is a commitment: i know that she may not have the feelings for her husband right now. But what was it that made her initially want to spend the rest of her life with him? Are there feelings of love between the two? Are both parties willing to work on their marriage?

2) In terms of religion: The Bible is clear that God does not like divorce. Divorce is heart-wrenching and often (especially if there are children involved) harms people beyond the parties involved. i think God tells us not to divorce: unless their is infidelity that can not be forgiven, or if it's an abusive and dangerous situation. It won't be easy- but in the long run divorce may not be the best answer. It may require a lot of counseling and hard work, but as you said with your friend he's a good guy and who knows what the next guy may be like.

In most churches there are single moms, divorced singles, etc. So any of the other answers you read about people condemning her i think is just trying to "stir the pot."

Divorce contains with it a lot of feelings of personal guilt and so i think it'd be more likely that your friend would feel miserable depending on how her husband reacted. That can be pretty key- is just seeing does he recognize there's an issue in the marriage and is he willing to work on it?

i think she only has things from her perspective- but if he loves her... he'll be miserable if they split...

i think at times falling out of love makes us forgot the commitment part of love. i remember when i first got my puppy i loved her to death. There are days when she bites the trash, when i have to walk her even though it's rainy, etc. Days when i feel like not having a dog... but i love her- and although some days i don't feel like- love for her causes me to stay committed.

Not a perfect analogy- but i hope you get the gist of what i'm trying to say..

Hope that helps. Feel free to email me if you want to share more specifically.

Kindly,

Nickster

Answer 2

The Catholic Church takes marriage vows seriously. The written Word of God tells us that what God has joined together no man may separate. Because the Church takes marriage so seriously, it identifies certain specific requirements that constitute a valid Christian marriage. If your friend married "for completely the wrong reason" - and it certainly sounds like she did if she married someone she had just recently met - then she may have grounds for annulment, which is not dissolution of a marriage (which is impossible), but rather an official statement after a thorough investigation, that this union did not meet the essential qualifications for a valid Christian marriage. She would then be free to marry. Applying for annulment does not guarantee that she will be granted one however. If there are not legitimate reasons to question validity, then no force on earth can undo the vows she made before God and His Church. This is marriage as God intended it to be.
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Answer 3

Matthew 19:9 Except it be for fornication

Matthew 5:31-32 saving for fornication

Luke 16:18

Mark 10:1-12 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder

Proverbs 5:1-14For the lips of a strange woman drop as honeycomb and her mouth is smooth as oil.

Proverbs 15-23 Let them be only thine own and not strangers with thee

Proverbs 6:32 Lacketh understanding

If you will look these scriptures up and read the full content, you will see for yourself you CAN NOT get divorced and marry again except your partner commits fornication or (adultry) against your marriage.

Answer 4

She would be better off going to a church that does not condemn her. God hates divorce, yes. But why does God hate divorce? Because marriage is a type of Christ and the church (true believers--not the institution). God said, "I will never leave you or forsake you." To get a divorce ruins this model and breaks the type.
Now, God did allow Moses to write a bill of divorcement. But this is because of hardness of heart. This is something that Paul goes in to regarding a believer marrying an unbeliever.

So here is what I would suggest. People, get ready to hit the thumbs down button.

I suggest (my opinion) that she change to a non-denominational church. Go in to prayer on her own and ask God to do some miracles in her life. If He wants the marriage to stay together, then change the situation drastically. If it is OK to enter into divorce proceedings, then have this confirmed within a good Christian counseling environment.

In all the decisions you make, do it with fasting and prayer. The key here is to stay in the will of God, not necessarily within a marriage that dishonors His name.

Answer 5

If the marriage is truly irreconcilable (thank you spell check!) then she can get an annulment and have it approved by the church. Especially if she's been married less than a year, it shouldn't be hard to get it annulled.

Although, like the other person said. If marriage were easy, the divorce rate wouldn't be so hard. No one seems to be willing to stick it out.

btw - I'm catholic

Answer 6

Well, she already married him. What does he think? We know that God doesn't approve of divorce, unless it is a matter of adultry or abuse. There is a very special king of love that one gets from knowing God. This love is called AGAPE. Basically, it is the concious CHOICE to love with no conditions. It doesn't mean it is easy.

Here is the definition
Agapē (IPA: [ɑˈgɑ.pε] or IPA: [ˈɑgɑˌpε]) (Gk. αγάπη [aˈɣa.pi]), is one of several Greek words translated into English as love. The word has been used in different ways by a variety of contemporary and ancient sources, including Biblical authors. Many have thought that this word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. Greek philosophers at the time of Plato and other ancient authors used the term to denote love of a spouse or family, or affection for a particular activity, in contrast to philia — an affection that could denote either brotherhood or generally non-sexual affection, and eros, an affection of a sexual nature, usually between two unequal partners. The term agape is rarely used in ancient manuscripts, but was used by the early Christians to refer to the self-sacrificing love of God for humanity, which they were committed to reciprocating and practicing towards God and among one another.

Agape has been expounded on by many Christian writers in a specifically Christian context. Thomas Jay Oord has defined agape as "an intentional response to promote well-being when responding to that which has generated ill-being."


About 8 months ago, my marriage was at rock bottom. Not due to adultrey, nor due to abuse. Just wasn't feeling it. I prayed often to God and asked him to help me know what to do and how to do it. I put my marriage in the hands of God. Guess what, we are still together and doing better than ever! Give it to God! Only your friend will know her response from God, she will feel it. Not her feelings, but the answer from God working on her marriage. Results could be different, but if there is anything to save, he will save it! :)

Answer 7

>>She got married for completely the wrong reason<<

If this is true, she should ask the ask the Church to examine the marriage for validity. Were they even married in the Church in the first place? If not, getting an annulment is very, very simple.

Answer 8

Whatever circumstance we wake up spiritually in in this life, we need to be careful to be faithful to God and his commands. The problem is not the marriage or her husband, the problem is her because she is not taking her committment seriously and doesnt sound very interested in doing things Gods way.

Answer 9

God doesn not want us to separate but because he is not honoring her and loving her as a marriage should be, he broke the covenant of marriage. Loving your hubby or wife is supposed to be a two way street and your friend should not stay in that relationship....God does want to bless her with someone that will honor and love her....so yes she should get a divorce.

Answer 10

Well...people make mistakes. I can't see suffering for the rest of your life in a hellish marriage. It would be better to remain single.