i have 3 step daughters, who all hate my guts, and are so jealous of me and their dad?

Question

he has adopted my son, and we have a great family, but his ex, and all of his family have told the girls sooo much bad lies about me, they have no respect, and absolutely refuse to even speak to me in my house. is it wrong of me to ask my husband to spend time with them elsewhere
?? it is his home too, but my son and i just cant deal with their nasty attitudes any more. this has been going on for 7 years, and seems to get worse and worse with every visit from them...please help???

Answer 1

You have every right to be respected in your own house
your husband should make sure it happens.
It is often difficult with step children.I hope that eventually
they will get to know you instead of listening to other people.
If they can not respect you they do not need to be around you.

Answer 2

You cannot ask your husband to spend time with his children elswhere. If anything you and your son could stay at a hotel when they come over. He was their dad way before you came into the picture. Now he has adopted your son and they are probably feeling very uneasy about that. I don't doubt their mother is adding to the mixture by saying terrible things that she shouldn't be saying about you. Your husband, however, should demand his girls treat you with respect. Stepmother or not, you are still an adult and they should be respectful regardless.

Why does his ex and his family have hostility towards you? Perhaps if there is a problem there you should address that and try to get that fixed. I can see where an ex wife wouldn't accept you just because of the circumstances but his family not accepting you seems incredibly odd unless something happened that you haven't stated. Did your and his relationship start as an affair when he was married? Something like that would make one understand why everyone is so upset.

???

Answer 3

Unfortunately, you married a man with children, you really should have thought this all out before time. And of course they are jealous of you and their fathers relationship, however, you as the adult need to show some love and understanding here. Not throwing fits of how you can no longer deal with their behavior. You as the adult need to sit down with your husband not with your son. And figure out the best way to fix this situation. Asking them not to come to your home to spend time with Dad is only going to make things worse. So together you and your husband need to figure out a solution, perhaps some counseling, or simply sit down and have a family discussion. Listen to what the girls have to say, stop trying to be their mom or their friend. They have a mom, and you are an authority figure to them. Be friendly and respectful of them. You are the adult, so teach by example. If you make him choose you will certainly loose. Then everyone else will get their wish. So together as a team you and your husband need to do what is best to keep the family with some open communication and leading with positive examples. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 4

The best defense against all the bad feeling you get when you are around them is to be as calm and placid as you can manage in the face of their disrespect. It will drive them crazy! You say that your husband's ex tell the girls bad lies about you. They are being told harmful stories about you - what are they to believe? If you ask your husband to keep them away from you, it will make those nasty stories seem true. They will always be his daughters; it will only work agains you. They are going to get older and have their own families. Then perhaps they will have more sympathy for wives, husbands, ex-wives, ex-husbands, etc. And they will mature. I would not shut them out, I would learn to cope with their bad manners graciously.

Answer 5

You have the right to expect respect in your own home. If your husband is not willing to enforce this, then yes you should ask them to see each other somewhere else. You and your husband have to be a united front, and he has to demand respect for you. I know they are his children, but they are obviously old enough to have their own opinions, and if they feel this way about you it probably won't change. Have you tried reaching out to them? Maybe they have heard a lot of bad things, but it's up to you and their dad to at least tell your side of things.

Answer 6

Loyalty, respect, kindness and compassion. Admirable qualities in a person, if you were to display these qualities to the girls regardless of what they give in return, over time they will start to question all the stories they've been told.
Yes, it is wrong of you to ask that of your husband, plus it has the potential to damage your relationship with him.

Answer 7

The worst thing to do is make his father choose between you and his kids. Don't ask him to spend time with them elsewhere. Take them out to do fun things and hopefully they will start to like you or at least respect you.

Answer 8

there is nothing wrong with u asking for respect. every human being deserves a certain amount of respect... no matter what. if u r not getting it even when u ask for... find a way to take care of yourself. is there a compromise to be found?

Answer 9

Well,how did you get with their father?That may have something to do with it.Your first idea to solve the problem was to ask your hubby to isit with them outside of his home(which is their home too cause he's there daddy) .Who's to say you haven't done anything like that before?I'd love to hear the whole story!

Answer 10

you should sit in a table and sort these thing out tell them the truth and say if you ever disrespect me in this house there will be consequences and you have to set your ground it's your house and your rules. set your foot down and don't let them disrespectful if i did that to my parents they would ground me forever no privileges.

hope this helps