Okay, 10 pionts quick...?

Question

OK, whoever answers this question will get 10 points & I will give them my e-mail to e-mail me their's so I can end you Vanessa Hudgen's phone # Yes I know V. H.! My dad is a recording artist. I will most likely pick somone w/ a joke I haven't for the 10 points & the first 10 people to answer gets her #. I'm really bored can you tell?

I meant o joke I haven't heard, no blonde jokes unless I'll roll over laughing they were so funny. Thanx

Answer 1

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar.

You'd think one of them would have seen it.

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A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. the man has his drink, but the giraffe dies and falls to the floor. As the man tries to leave, the barkeep says "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" the man says "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

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Two suicide bombers walk into a bar. one says to the other "You want to go out for a smoke?" and the other says "You know, if we stand here long enough, we'll BE outside, and we'll probably be smoking."

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A stingray and an crocodile walk into a bar.

...what, too soon?

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Two snare drums and a cymbal fall down a canyon.

Badum CHHH

[rimshot]
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It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.

At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."

"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.

"Thanks," he says, and leaves.

An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Okay," the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a 'thanks'.

An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. "Hi," he says to to the bartender. "I'm a vam..."

"I know, I know," the bartender interrupts. "You're a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?"

"Um, no," the vampire answers. "I AM a vampire, but I'd just like a glass of hot water please."

"Sure" the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says "You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you're just asking for water?"

Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used band-aid.

"Tea time."

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Before stonehenge, there were woodhenge and strawhenge, but a big bad wolf came and blew them down, and three little piggies were relocated to the projects. Whatever that means.
[sorry, had to do an Izzard joke]


I got a million of em. ;)

Answer 2

A really fat man was driving on the highway. He was so fat that he could never get a hard on even when he got the urge to have sex. He saw a sign that said next exit lose a 100 pounds garaunteed. So he took the exit and went into the place. The man at the counter said I garauntee you will lose 100 pounds but its going to cost you $100. So the fat man gave him $100. The man led him to a room and unlocked the door and locked the man in the room. A cute naked blonde chick was in the room and she said, "If you catch me you can f*ck me!" So the man ran and ran and ran untill he couldn't move anymore. He got on the scale and sure enough he had lost 100 pounds.
He got back in his car and got back on the highway. He was looking a little bit better by now but he still had a lot of weight to lose. A couple hours later he saw another sign that said next exit garaunteed to lose 100 pounds. He took the exit. And again paid the man in charge $100. This time it was a foxy red head chick and she said, "If you catch me you get to f*ck me!" So he chase he and ran and ran and ran but he just couldn't catch her, Eventually he couldn't go on anymore. But sure enough when he got on the scale he had lost 100 pounds.
So he got back in his car and headed for the highway again. By this time he was looking pretty good and he was all nice and buff. He was just thinking about the next time he saw a sign what kind of a woman he would get, and he had a nice hard on that he hadn't had for a very long time. So a couple hours later he sees another sign saying next exit garaunteed to lose 100 pounds.
This time when he went in he told the man I'm ready this time and I know I'm going to get to f*ck the chick, I'm ready. He even told the man I'm going to give you $200 dollars just to show you how ready I am to catch her! So the man was like okay if you really think so.
The once fat man to the guy in charge,"No matter how much screaming and how much hollering you hear DO NOT let me out because I am going to win this time, you lock that door behind me and you better not open it!!!"
The man in charge just looked at him and said okay with doubt on his face.
The once fat man went into the room and the door locked behind him. Sitting in the corner of the room was a huge male gorrilla and he said, " You better run because if I catch ya I'm gonna f*uck ya!!!"

~I thought this was the most halarious joke I laughed so hard. It is better though when you hear it in person.

Answer 3

A couple thats been dating for 4 years decide to get married. so they go to the woman's parent's house to break the news. during their stay, the man notices that the woman's younger sister, who isnt so bad looking herself, acting more and more seductive around him when they are alone. things like wearing short skirts and bending down in front of him became common behavior when the two were alone together. finally, the day before the couple leaves, the parents and the woman leave to buy buy a few last minute things to help start on the wedding preparations leaving the younger sister and the man alone in the house. soon, the younger sister comes up to the man dressed in only lingerie. she says suductively that this is the last chance for him to have a little fun with her. she then says she will be waiting for him in her room. the man gets up and walks out the front door where he is greeted with the cheers of his fiancee and approving looks of her parents. "you passed the test they state. the man just smiles.

the moral of the story is: always keep your condoms in the car

Answer 4

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

and yes, i can tell you're bored!

Answer 5

A man answer the phone and a person tell him to go to the hospital because his wife suffer an accident. the doctor tell him your wife is paralyze from the neck down you gonna have to feed her bathing her change her clothes , the man can't stop crying yelling why ?why? this happen and the doctor say I'm just messing with you .......... she is dead

Answer 6

How do u make Ohio State Buckeye cookies?

You put them in a BOWL and Beat them for 60 minutes!!

Answer 7

A man goes to the gym and finds a woman. He takes her home and gets in bed with her.

A woman goes to the mall and takes home a man. She takes him home and gets in bed with him.

Answer 8

What did V.H. say to T.L.?

..!.. you for giving my num out to random pervs.

Answer 9

what did V.H. tell to T.L.

____ YOU!!!!!!!!