My BF forcefully got engaged!!!! How can we get out of this situation?

Question

My bf was forcefully engaged, please help.

My bf and I have been in love, and he had told this to his parents.
However, they were against this relationship.

Now when he went back to India, his parents told him that they had already chosen a girl for him and IT HAD BEEN ANNOUNCED to the relatives.
Worse, the engagement ceremony was scheduled for the next day!

My bf kept on calling me and told me everything that was going on, and I talked to his father also.
But what he told us was just that it had been announced, and there was no way to get back....

Anuj called me even just before going to the engagement, saying that we would be together...

Now, he is engaged, and it seems really difficult to break it as the matter is getting more and more open and known to more people.

What can we do? How can we break the engagement? (Anuj is afraid of any damage, physical assault to his family in case he breaks the engagement).

Please help us out urgently.
Thank you.

Answer 1

Your boyfriend is a spineless man.....sorry to say that, but how can he "forcefully" get engaged to someone he doesn't know. He just doesn't have the guts or the backbone....the sooner you get rid of him, the better. And what the heck are you talking about "damage", "physical assault" etc.????? who will physically assault and to whom???? doesn't make sense.

Answer 2

Hi, I am the person who posted the question.

Thank you everyone, really thank you.
I did not expect so many replied to my question.
You have encouraged me a lot even by just listening to me, and giving me your opinions.
He actually told his parents that he loves me even before going back to India, and I just wonder if this is the very reason why his parents had made everything so ready that there is no way out for us.

As far as I know, he reached India on 16th night (Friday) and he got engaged on Wed.
I was soooo surprised.
He told me he did not know about all this…

I spoke to his father. He was saying sorry, “but for the family, please forgive us and sacrifice your love, because once said, we have to do it, this is the Indian culture”.
And Anuj told me that if they break the engagement, which has been now known to many people, the family will loose the dignity, will be totally out of the society, which he can not bear as he loves his family very much.
He was crying, and kept saying that he loves me, he wants to be with me, he can not live without me…but there is no way out…Everyone in his family was there when he said all this.
This was the day they went for the engagement ceremony.

I never want him to leave his family as I know he loves his family.
But I am not sure if it is right that his father decided everything in this way. I can not understand why he did so if he really loves his son.

Yes, his father said, “His mother or I will die if he breaks the engagement”.
Anuj said he is afraid of “physical assault” from the girls side if he breaks off the engagement as that would hurt the pride of the family.
I am not sure if this can really happen in India, but he said it is so in India…

I trusted him 100%. I am sad and do not know what to do.
I can not force him anything.
Maybe I am selfish to wish we somehow can be together against his parents will…his family has been with him troughout his life and I was with him for a part of his life.
But just very sad.

Thank you everyone.

Answer 3

Dear,

The boy should have protested gainst the engagement by telling the fact. He had everything in his hands then. He did not do that an dsurrendered to his parents. Ho could have convinced his parents or her parents or left home for 2-3 days to avoid an engagement. But since he did not do any thing, I have my own doubts if he is playing double game with you.

Pl be serius and forget him. He is not kind of person you should be wasting your time here on.

Engage yourself somewhere else and forget the whole situation as a bad dream.

Take care.

Answer 4

Stay calm. It is only an engagement and you know your BF very well so if you think that he is brave and courageous, then Love conquers all. Secondly if he is FORCEFULLY ENGAGED, then there is a chance that the marriage is not going to be a happy healthy marriage. This is because he loves you and not that girl. He just has to be brave or tell his soon-to-be fiance that HE LOVES ANOTHER WOMAN and if she understands,then GOD has sent you an angel to help you. Most of the time, a fiance can help because even they don't want to have a bad marital relationship after marriage because marriage is spiritual and important sacrament.

Answer 5

First of all, I'm feeling very sorry for the situation you are in right now. But at the same time, I was really impressed by the message you posted here to thank people who responded to your question. You are a very mature person who can see things reasonably and objectively. You are a person who is strong enough to get over this difficulty, and be happy in the future. Even though your boyfriend is forced to marry someone else in India at the end, I'm sure he should be very happy to love someone like you, and to be loved. Good luck for everything you do, and live your life to its fullest.

Answer 6

Honestly, your bf needs to puts his foot down and go with the person he truely loves. Unfortunately, this might cause problems with his family and traditions in his family. If he is engaged to this girl, he can call it off and come back home to you. I am assuming that you and him live in the States, so he needs to explain to his family that he loves you and wants to be with you and arranged marriages are the way people get married in America. I would also be cautious of this arranged egagement and make sure that it is not a hoaks. You both shoudl put your foot down with the family and do what makes you two, as a couple, happy.

Answer 7

This is what boys do. They will love even make love without permission of their parents. & when the time of marriage come they will say my parents will cummit sucide. So If Anuj has courage then tell him when he returns to marry you in court. Just give him 2 days to apply. If he sees left & right & give some lame excuses then I will give you a small piece of advice" Just forget this s t u p i d D u m. Why will you marry somebody who can not even stand for himself. He use you thats it.

This is why I preffer arrangemarriage by which only we can avoid girls exploitation mentally, physically & emotionally. Other wise these men will keep on exploiting women in name of love.
Sorry to be so harse but this is reallity.

Answer 8

In India, marriage is a social act.
It's not the first time i hear this story.
There is a big gap between the parents's generation and the children who goes abroad and see differents things. but it's not a fatality.
It's true that he could have prepared his parents long time before going to India about your matter. He must have feel something from his parent's side.
Maybe he could have come with you (and one of your parents) and give a chance to his parents and to you in order to see if you're suitable.
It was not a fatality whatever were his parent's feelings. He could have done far more.

Answer 9

Hello!! Wake up girl!! First of all, stop believing each and everything he says! Nothin can be done forcefully...Ur boyfriend could have done so many things to avoid this engagement "if" he had tried!! Do u believe him when he says everything was planned and he didn't know about it!What a story!!
I think he will get married the same way he got engaged!! So, please get out of the relationship as soon as possible 'cause he is not MAN enough to stand for U!
As far as my opinion goes he is a big time LOOSER!!

Answer 10

Oh my god,

What was you boyfriends' parents thinking? Well, he can do one of two things: 1) He could be a man about it and refuse to marry this girl and put his foot down and 2) He could live by the rules and or boundaries that his folks set up for him and that may give you an indication as to hear how he will live life with you once you are "allowed" to be together

Answer 11

If you live outside of India, leave and never return. It's harsh but it has to be done in order to preserve what's between the two of you. Engagements are only a verbal agreement. He did not agree to this marrage and can not be held to it. Unless of course he's underage. But this is just my advice. I know there are customs there that i'm not aware of, nor familiar with. You have a fight on your hands for your BF's future.