My bf was forcefully engaged, please help.
My bf and I have been in love, and he had told this to his parents.
However, they were against this relationship.
Now when he went back to India, his parents told him that they had already chosen a girl for him and IT HAD BEEN ANNOUNCED to the relatives.
Worse, the engagement ceremony was scheduled for the next day!
My bf kept on calling me and told me everything that was going on, and I talked to his father also.
But what he told us was just that it had been announced, and there was no way to get back....
Anuj called me even just before going to the engagement, saying that we would be together...
Now, he is engaged, and it seems really difficult to break it as the matter is getting more and more open and known to more people.
What can we do? How can we break the engagement? (Anuj is afraid of any damage, physical assault to his family).
Please help us out urgently. Please, anybody, please help us.
2007-03-21 11:40:52 · 18 answers · asked by AnujGuptaGF 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Run u dont wanna be in this family.
2007-03-21 11:44:30 · answer #1 · answered by Mom to Isobelle 2, & Gavyn 8mths 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thank you everyone, really thank you. I did not expect so many replied to my question.
You have encouraged me a lot even by just listening to me, and giving me your opinions.
He actually told his parents that he loves me even before going back to India, and I just wonder if this is the very reason why his parents had made everything so ready that there is no way out for us.
As far as I know, he reached India on 16th night (Friday) and he got engaged on Wed.
I was soooo surprised.
He told me he did not know about all this…
I spoke to his father. He was saying sorry, “but for the family, please forgive us and sacrifice your love, because once said, we have to do it, this is the Indian culture”.
And Anuj told me that if they break the engagement, which has been now known to many people, the family will loose the dignity, will be totally out of the society, which he can not bear as he loves his family very much.
He was crying, and kept saying that he loves me, he wants to be with me, he can not live without me…but there is no way out…Everyone in his family was there when he said all this.
This was the day they went for the engagement ceremony.
I never want him to leave his family as I know he loves his family.
But I am not sure if it is right that his father decided everything in this way. I can not understand why he did so if he really loves his son.
Yes, his father said, “His mother or I will die if he breaks the engagement”.
Anuj said he is afraid of “physical assault” from the girls side if he breaks off the engagement as that would hurt the pride of the family.
I am not sure if this can really happen in India, but he said it is so in India…
I trusted him 100%. I am sad and do not know what to do.
I can not force him anything.
Maybe I am selfish to wish we somehow can be together against his parents will…his family has been with him troughout his life and I was with him for a part of his life.
But just very sad.
Thank you everyone.
2007-03-22 07:56:38 · answer #2 · answered by AnujGuptaGF 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are multiple points that i doubt from anuj's side. Nothing can be achieved by sacrificing. If its your love or their pride. I just want to know why the parents didn't agree your relationship?. If he is a mama's boy then dear sister you will be having a real bad time. In all these cases i see only one thing. that people don't realize that they have got only one life and it should not be given to the hands of petty prides and family status...it's all about loving....the more sincere you are the chances of getting a lovable life is more...
My advice to you is don't lose your hope till the last minute and if anything happens negatively you have to bear it because God has kept better things for you in the future. it may not be digestible to you right now...but i am eligible to advice you because i've come through the exact situation you are facing...dear sister i thought girls are always cheating sincere boys but you got me a new information....cry till you are tired and try to concentrate in what you like the most...time heals all wounds....take care sister and you free to contact me for any solutions which i would be greatful to help
2007-03-29 04:11:00 · answer #3 · answered by pkrishnan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet he is a liar. I don't think he loves you. Else he would have tried to convince his parents for you. He does not want to back off from the engagement. His parents would have definitely told him about the engagement. And now he is trying to make up with you by giving false commitments. How can you trust a guy calling you up before his engagement that he would be with you. Come back to your senses. He just doesn't want to be blamed for the break up. That is why he is giving lame reasons about forceful engagement. I don't think these days parents choose partners for their children without their consent. He might have given the green signal.
Just move on. Forget him. He's not worth. I'm sure you would find someone more compatible with you.
All the best...
:-)
2007-03-22 01:22:29 · answer #4 · answered by plato's ghost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ho....girl...still you believe this fellow.?...he is a cheat...believe us...read all those answers.......when he is with you.....everything was ok.....and now he is in India...with his parents and relatives...and he has got another offer...with a new girl and with enough cash/property/car etc (even if there isnt DOWRY he may be thinking ..the new girl is better than you)....I mean as usual Indian style the so called DOWRY...... he is smart enough to compare you with the new offer ....and for him you are a used one (by him...I don't know whether you have sex with him or not) and what he is going to get is a BRAND NEW one ( at least for him ) so he selected the new one.; poor girl....its clear that he is an opportunist ., and he is no more loving you and he wanted to dump you.......,the way you worrying, and your restless mind,sleepless night...everything I can understand ....but you see the way he is reacting...,he is not a K.G. student., he is a grown up man......he should decide his life...not his parents....otherwise he is not capable to live as a MAN......how can you believe him...,suppose you marry this fellow?
Forget him.....I know it is very difficult for you,,,,,cause in this affair you are very serious....but not that fellow....it could give you pain..etc...try to forget him ..slowly.....after reading these answers/opinions pls.dont take any harsh step other than forgetting him....All the best....and god bless you.
2007-03-26 06:11:22 · answer #5 · answered by 2bros 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your bf should break up, b/c it's gonna be very difficult to break the engagement; especially b/c the other family is going to fell offended by Anuj and his family. I don't know about Indian culture, but I think he should obey his parents.
2007-03-29 16:23:01 · answer #6 · answered by Jainis H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was gonna say what I'd do if I was in his situation ..I'd be so uncool with that I'd up and leave my family, the Country ..lol but that's me ..if he has people that would physically assault his family for not going through with it ..then ..he's in India ..I don't see a legal way out of it. I'm not familiar with India's laws. So if I wanted out, didn't want my family harmed ..hell, I don't know. Maybe set up a plot so sweet to fake my own death and run away somewhere, get out of India. You say he went back to India ..so how did he get to your Country in the first place? Isn't there a way back through the same destination?
2007-03-29 17:17:30 · answer #7 · answered by Zed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See it completely depends on him.If he is not firm no firmer step gfrom you is going to help.He is so bothered about his family and even after being a man...got engaged which i dont think could ve been forced if he was stubborn to say the truth.Now leave everything on him if he truly loves you there are still chances that he will come back to you.
2007-03-22 03:47:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u dont need to worry.according to the indian law, a
girl & a boy has the right to select their life partners, & if the boy is engaged no problem he hasent get married right! so go ahead for a court marriage where ull get help of police.
best of luck for ur marriage
2007-03-28 11:18:54 · answer #9 · answered by da_deepsecret2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget it. If your man is really a man, he would stand up to his family and ignore FORCEFUL and INJUST traditions. Traditions are one thing, but they are only traditions. When they stand in the way of FREE WILL they become something more evil, just as a dictator forces his will upon others.
2007-03-21 18:47:21 · answer #10 · answered by ninjitsumeiyo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude what you mean surprised you put a girl infront of me and say you 2 are getting engaged i would be like heck no let me atleast sleep on it. sounds to me like you got to move on. i dont know if you are indian but seems as he wanted an indian girl for a wife as well. best wishes.
2007-03-29 13:59:13 · answer #11 · answered by Tony M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋