Is it unreasonable to expect girlfriend to tell me how many sexual partners she's had?

Question

We have been dating for five months and I have be up front about my own sexual history.

I'm not concerned with the answer. I am concerned with the fact that she is not comfortable enough to share.

Perhaps I wasn't clear. I don't how many partners she has had. We are both adults and have our own history. I am secure with that. I am concerned with what seems like a need for sercrecy.

Answer 1

It is not unreasonable to ask, or even to expect an answer. She probably didn't tell you cause she has something to hide. Be careful.

Answer 2

Maybe not unreasonable, but understandable that she wouldn't, given how important it seems to be to you. Also, she probably knows that no answer except zero will be the right one, because on some level, no guy likes the thought of their girl having been with *anyone* else.

Why not just both get tested for any and all STD's, plus hepatitis, and when you find that you're both negative, enjoy being together and forget the past? What difference does it make if she's been with one guy or 100, if you're both clean and what you have between you is good and you like her and she likes you?

Why not leave well enough alone?

*edit* Okay, you say you aren't concerned about the number, just that she's not comfortable enough to share. I'll repeat what I said--I don't believe that it's irrelevant to *any* guy. I know you probably believe it doesn't matter to you, so I'm not saying you're lying or full of **** or anything, just that I don't think it's true that you don't care what the answer is. I just think it's a guy thing to care. It's one of those things that just *is*.

And as far as her comfort level, couples are always going to have their secrets. I don't believe that whole idea that you have to know every nook and cranny of the psyche of the person you're with. Some business still remains personal, and if it doesn't directly affect you, why can't you leave it alone?

Answer 3

1st, its none of your business and you dont have to tell her yours.

As long as you are both clean and in a honest relationship, what difference does it make?

What if she has had A LOT of experience, would that make you look at her different? Even subconciously? What if you were only her second or third? Would that make you feel differently?

If she is not comfortable with just shooting out a number, respect that. If she has told you about past sexual encounters and her sexual HEALTH history, there is nothing more to talk about.

She could have been raped or abused and doesnt want to have to think of those encouters AS partners...

Give her a break...

And dont worry about it... 5 months is STILL A NEW relationship, if and when she is ready, she will be ready, not until then.

Answer 4

Wow. tough question. Sexual information is important and I can see why you'd feel the need to share it and recieve it. Unfortunately, you're asking her to remember all of them and for women, not all of our sexual experiences are pleasant and it may make her uncomfortable just thinking about them.
Asking that question also sends the message that you don't trust her. You're putting her on the spot having already shared yours. Go easy on her and tell her that whatever your reason and whatever her answer, you will still care for her the way you do now, even if she's slept with 20 guys, she's with you now and that's what counts. RIGHT? good luck.

Answer 5

Why is what she did in her past so important to you? It's how she is with you that counts. Unless of course she talks about her past sex capades and brags about them. If that's the case, then I would steer clear. If she has a history of cheating and flirting with other guys when she is involved with someone then I would definately leave the relationship.

Answer 6

A gentleman would never ask. It is not her past that should concern you, but her future conduct.

I wonder if you would forgive one, two, three? I am not even sure what happened before she met you requires your forgiveness. She probably ought to look elsewhere, I suspect if she told you about her past, the knowledge be used against her. That's sad.

Answer 7

I think that's a very personal piece of information. If she expects that same info from you, then yes she should tell you. But if that's not the case, it is up to her if she is comfortable disclosing that to you.

Answer 8

ask yourself if you really want to know the answer. if you will be hurt if her answer is more than yours then its probably best not to know. if you two are going to be together for the long haul eventually the truth will come out. just remember it is all in the past and all that matters is you and her NOW.

Answer 9

Well asking this can work for you or against you, but mostly it will work against you. Knowing who she has had sex with will only bring you thoughts(and even worse ones if u know who they are or if the go to ur school) will be unbearable, and ive been there. You will want to know who, when and how, from how he did it, to where he touched her. I think its worse for the guy to know, especially if you really really love this girl. It will also work against you because it is a complete turn off for me to know that my girl has had sex with 20 other guys. I think its reasonable tho to ask ur girl who shes had sex with, because it will never leave ur head until u know. I dunno but it will.

Answer 10

Yeah it's doubtful that they'll tell the truth unless they've only had a couple partners.