Is this short message correct in English?

Question

Thank you for telling me if there are any mistakes of if there's a better way to say it... English is my second language...

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Dear Ms. Smith,

Thank you for considering my application. I am really interested in being refferred for the position of Youth Services Officer with Service Canada in Edmonton. However, you should know that I cannot be available on April 30th, since the current school year will not be over by then. Unfortunately, I cannot start working before June 1st. It is a shame that my availities do not match the requiered ones and I want you to be assured that I am extremely interested in the position. Please let me know if there is any way to deal with my scheduling conflict or if another position comes up.
Once again, thank you very much for your time and consideration,

Yours sincerely,

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Answer 1

Not bad, couple of spelling mistakes. You should use a spell-check if you are not 100% sure. I've re-written it to what I feel sounds a little more professional.

Dear Ms. Smith,

Thank you for considering my application for the position of Youth Services Officer. Unfortunately I will not be available on April 30th, as the current school year will not have ended by then, and I would be unable to take up the position before June 1st. Please advise me if you have a solution to this problem as I believe that I am well suited to the position and would prove an asset to Service Canada.

If however this is not possible, could I ask you to keep my application on file and consider me for any vacancies that occur in the near future. Once again, thank you very much for your time and consideration,

Yours sincerely,

Answer 2

You have some spelling errors.

Dear Ms. Smith,

Thank you for considering my application. I am really interested in being referred for the position of Youth Services Officer with Service Canada in Edmonton. However, you should know that I am not available on April 30th, since the current school year will not be over by then. Unfortunately, I cannot start working before June 1st. It is a shame that my availabilities do not match the required ones, but I want you to be assured that I am extremely interested in the position. Please let me know if there is any way to deal with my scheduling conflict or if another position comes up.
Once again, thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Yours sincerely,

Answer 3

Dear Ms. Smith,

Thank you for considering my application. I am very interested in being referred, for the position of Youth Services Officer, with Service Canada in Edmonton. However, you should know that I will be unavailable on April 30th, since the current school year will not be over by then. Unfortunately, I am unable begin working before June 1st. It is unfortunate that my availability does not match the required criteria. I wish to express that I am extremely interested in the position. Please let me know if there is any way that we can work around my scheduling conflict, or if another position becomes available.
Once again, thank you very much for your time and consideration,

Yours Sincerely,

I did my best to keep it as close to original as possible. Good luck with your job search!!!

Answer 4

Okay,,,,,instead of unfortunately.....and so on.....maybe change it to... I will be available starting June 1st and very much look forward to hearing if I can be of use to you in the postition we have discussed.....

I dunno, it's just tha the unfortunately part is negative....try to make it a positive as in,,,,,this is when I am available and her is what I want.....the english is great..no problem there. I would not suggest a problem as in your schedule before it is clear that it is, infact an issue.

Answer 5

Your grammar is great. The only I noticed were several spelling errors:

referred (spelled with one "f"), availability, and required

You could say "offered" rather than "referred to". Also, if I were you I might rephrase it to say "I am not available at the required time" instead of "my availabilities do not match the required ones".

Other than that it looks good.

Answer 6

SO from what I read, you are applying for a position in the Royal Air Force as 3rd class electrical engineer who specializes in taxidermy, cheese making and you also hold the beer drinking record at the local bar.

(Seriously - what you wrote easily understandable, polite and professional. Nice)

Answer 7

Almost perfect. Two things:
You wrote:
availities do not match the requiered ones
It should be:
availabilities do not match the required ones

Answer 8

the only ingredient that needs corrected is "and how is the artwork with your new branch?" in no way commence a with and so basically take that out and capitalize the H in how, placed a comma after terrific. Thats all sturdy success :)

Answer 9

You have a few spelling errors:
refferred should be referred
availities should be availabilities
requiered should be required


**also... microsoft word, even yahoo answers has spell check.

Answer 10

Wow! you did very well for english being your second language. I can only say colors and numbers in different languages than my own, i wouldnt want to dream of trying to do what you just did
anyways..the only thing i noticed was "It is a shame that my availities do not match the requiered ones..."

availabilities, instead of availities :)
but i'm sure thats just a typo of the fingers.
good luck with the job search!