Is my girlfriend lying about being taken advantage of? Please help, this has been eating me inside.?

Question

My girlfriend went out one night with her guy friend, they got really drunk and she claims she got taken advantage of. Apparently they slept together. She said they went back to his place in order for him to grab his keys so he can drive her to her car which was parked far away. They were taking shots at his friends house nearby. She ended up in his room because he wanted to show her pictures from a vacation. Next she says he came onto her and took advantage of her. She says she was drunk and dizzy, and did not consent. Should trust her? She is a good person, smart girl, but I tend to catch her lying at times. At first she denied anything happened when I first found out but has since confessed. Her first explanation was that she messed up but is now claiming she was taken advantage of. She lied because she was ashamed and afraid I would leave her. She is really flirty when she's drunk, but it's nothing much to be concerned about. I need help from serious users. Thoughts?

Answer 1

If your girlfriend was "taken advantage of", then she needs to contact your local police department. There's another term for that....it's called rape.

Unless of course, it was concentual in which case, they are really both at fault. There aren't too many guys (especially drunk ones) that won't take advantage of what's offered even if it's offered by someone in the same condition as he is. She, on the other hand, should have stayed sober enough to control her situation unless she was with you.

Coming from a woman, we all know that "vacation pictures" can be viewed as well in the living room as they can in the bedroom.

My opinion is that she got drunk and did something that she now regrets. My advise would be that she learn to control her use of alcohol and save the "good drunks" for when you're around. As for whether you should trust her? I think you already know the answer to that question.

Answer 2

I don't think she intended to sleep with him or hurt you at all but at the same time if she really didn't want him to do that to her she could have stopped him. By saying she was "taken advantage of and did not concent" implys that she was raped. I have been in that situation before and let me tell you even though physically I could not stop him, I was yellin and screamin my head off for anyone that could hear me. And that guy was not violent with me either he was just stronger than I was. I had told him no repetedly. He let me yell as much as I wanted while he did what he did to me. Unfortionately for me, I think his friends were in on it cuz they had all left the apartment. Was there anyone else there? Did she try yelling for them?

I am sure she is a good person but I think she is also a little confused. If she did get "taken advantage of" then that is an awful thing to have happen to you. And do not leave her for that. But you need to get to the bottom of this one. Talk to her friend see what he says. If he gets scared or defensive then there is a good chance he raped her. If she went willingly he will probably say so. Also, as a woman, if you are put in a situation like that where there is unwelcome penitration there would be some (even a little) trauma to the vaginal area. A little tearing maybe some bleeding. She would be sore and not wanting to have sex for a while. Not to mention the psychological trauma that would come with it. If this really did happen the way she says it did then she would be very upset about it.

Good luck on this one. I hope you get it figured out.

Answer 3

Actually, her behavior is perfectly normal for someone who has been a victim of acquaintance rape. The thing is, roughly 1 in 4 young women has been raped. So that's a good 25% of the female population. The majority of those, around 60%, go unreported because most of the women knew their attackers & didn't consider what had happened to them a "rape" because it wasn't the stereotypical boogieman jumping out of the bushes & beating her into submission.

That doesn't mean it didn't happen.

To me, it honestly seems like she was seriously taken advantage of. As a woman, I know too many other women who have very similar stories. Please do some research on acquaintance rape... I am including some links for your reference.

Answer 4

Well if she remembers exactly how everything went up to that point, why they were at the house, that they went to his room to look at pictures, etc. Then I don't think she could have been that drunk. Plus she lied about it at first. I would think that she didn't get taken advantage of but that she does regret it.

Answer 5

I don't know if she is lying, she could be or she could be afraid that she went to far this time and your going to leave her. I know that I was taken advantage of and I was afraid that no one would believe me , I thought they would say that I asked for it. Unfortunately it is easy for a guy to take advantage of a girl. First of all how much does she lie and on what subjects, are they little white lie, or bad lies. If you don't trust her , then you shouldn't be with her, and If you stay with her, she is not to drink without you with her. Period......

Answer 6

well its hard to say if she was taken advantage of based on your description. but i will say this alcohol is not an excuse for doing things like this. people use it all the time as if being drunk makes you suddenly a different person. in fact being drunk lowers your inhibitions, it doesnt create new ones to ignore. so if you are more apt to cheat when drunk that is just a sign that desire was there when sober but you controlled yourself. so in this case if she is using alcohol to explain away her behavior that is simply not valid. but if she really is saying that she was taken advantage of, or in actuality raped, since thats essentially what that means, then thats different. but from what you wrote it sounds more like she made a mistake that she doesnt want to take responsibilty for.

Answer 7

The biggest issue here is her going out in the first and then getting drunk. The trick in life is to keep yourself away from temptation. Everybody experiences temptation. So she put her self there. That would be my complaint. From that point on her judgment was impaired. And the willingness to lose control of judgment is the question for the future. I would make my decision based on that.

Answer 8

"She's really flirty when she's drunk, but it's nothing much to be concerned about...."??? Think again, it IS something to be concerned about. She gets drunk, uses poor judgment when drunk, and lies and blames someone else to cover up. Oh, yes, there's a problem there. You can't always be with her to be the "drink monitor" and that wouldn't be your responsibility, anyway. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and deal with you honestly. I think you would agree that you deserve that.

Answer 9

Come on now, she did it cause she wanted to. Don't blame it on the drinking. And just because people say oh he's just a friend or they are friends does not mean sex is not involved. I learnt the hard way if someone says we are friends does not mean that's all it has been or is. Why is it that when people use the word friend they think their painter is Innocent regarding that. That is not how this world is anymore.

Answer 10

Her drinking and behavior is definitely something to be concerned about. Obviously, it has caused problems for you. If she is serious about not consenting to the sex, then she needs to file charges for rape. If she (as she said in the beginning) messed up, then she needs to take responsibility for her actions. Either way, you need to be concerned about the issue and whether or not this was the first time it has happened.