Daughter's Immodesty - normal?

Question

Our daughter is 12. For the last four months she has been showing what I think is an unusual lack of modesty. For example, she occasionally comes downstairs dressed only in her undies, and last week she came into the kitchen wearing nothing but her underpants and socks. We also have two sons, ages 8 and 10. My oldest boy told me that once or twice she has come into their bedroom basically nude, saying she needed a towel. She does not seem to have any "shame" (wrong word, I know, but you get the idea) about any of us seeing her undressed.

She had a head-to-toe checkup at the doctor's a couple of months ago and he said she's doing fine. Her breasts are just beginning to develop and she's definitely not a little girl anymore.

Should we be concerned?

Answer 1

I would say it is something to be concerned about, turn it into a teaching experience. Talk to her about it, let her know that she isn't a little girl anymore and that she needs to be covinering herself because of her brothers.

I would also kind of look into her friends or what she is getting into. There is a reason for the change. Try finding the reason, so you can understand better what is going on in her life!

Answer 2

I wouldn't be concerned. I was the same way all the way through high school! (of course I did not have any brothers, just mom, dad and sister). Because you do have other children in the house and they are young men, I would set some boundaries. Let her know that she is welcome to be nude, but only in her own room. Not because there is anything wrong with it, but because she's a young woman now and her brothers are young men and they all need to have respect for each other, their bodies and other people.

Answer 3

Congratulations. It sounds like you have done a successful job of not teaching your children outdated concepts about their bodies. It is completely normal for children to prefer to be naked, and only in families where they are taught that it is dirty or nasty does it usually become a problem in their development.

You should teach her that while it is much more comfortable to be nude there are times and places where it is inappropriate. Nudity in the home will not cause problems as long as they are not suddenly told one day it's wrong with no logical explanation.

You'd be much better off just to let them dress as they like and don't make a big deal out of it. Even kids raised as nudists hit a point just after puberty where they all want to be dressed like the other kids.

Talk to all your kids, about appropriate nudity. You might find your boys don't object to your daughter doing it, but wouldn't themselves. You'll save yourself a good deal of worry if you just teach the basics of good behavior and let them find their own comfort levels.

If it helps, nudist kids have less STDs, start sex over a year later, and typically don't experiment as much.

Answer 4

I would definitely be concerned. It's normal for a toddler to do these things but not a pre teen. I'd be having her checked by a psychologist. This is definitely not in normal bounds. I'd also tell her from now on she is to be clothed when she is in the presence of the boys or her family. She's too old to just ignore this. Mom to 3.

Answer 5

Concerned NO. It means that you have raised her in a completely safe environment, so she has no problems with her body - good job!!!

Now, having said that -- I did the same thing and I did not see the problem. Until my mom sat me down and lovingly explained that I was becoming a young woman and 'things' were going to change, therefore I needed to dress more 'lady like'. It took a few reminders, but she NEVER made me feel like my body was 'bad' in any way - just that 'now' was the time in my life to start growing up, which meant dressing differently. Good Luck and don't stress too much.

Answer 6

Concerned, not necessarily. If you haven't already you need to sit down with her and talk about the birds and the bees and private areas, how she will develop, how it will be very different from the boys and why it's important to be more modest!!! Ask her why she "parades" around nearly naked. Maybe it's a simple thing, for example it has never been a big deal. Maybe she is trying to get a response out of you. What ever you do, don't wait to sit down and TALK with her and most importantly LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN to what she has to say. Good luck!

Answer 7

I think it is ok for her to be naked in her own room by herself, or anywhere in the house when nobody is around. BUT if it's just for a few seconds that someone sees her totally naked, that should be ok too. But for longer periods of time she should just have underwear on and maybe a bra if her breasts are starting to grow. If she doesn't want to wear a bra, then I would let her be around people at home in a robe with just underwear underneath the robe. Out in public, she should be allowed to wear at least her bathing suit top and bathing suit bottom! (assuming that she has a bikini!)

Answer 8

I think it is something to be concerned about. If you allow her to think this is normal, she's going to start doing it at her friends' houses, and if any of them have brothers, who knows where that could lead. You seriously need to sit down and talk to your daughter and make sure she understands.

Answer 9

You should discuss the issue with your daughter and determine why she is doing this. Though, personally, there is nothing wrong with it, in front of parents, but her younger brothers might not understand.

Actually there is nothing wrong with family nudity. Though you should discuss with her what is considered appropriate.

Answer 10

I think a boundary should be drawn. Not necessarily for your family. But what happens if she does that and nobody is home and the Fedex guy comes to the door? Maybe let her do that in her own bedroom but not outside of it.