my heart hurts physically over him?

Question

I'm just now realizing that I might actually be in love. But its too late for everything, & him & I can not at all be together. We're both in trouble for keeping our relationship hush hush & we're banned from seeing one another.. there are legal issues involved as well. I am of 18 years of age, but he was 'in-charge' of me(manager teacher type of thing). He's a young guy of 28 & I knew i'd fallen hard for him.. but I'm just now realizing that I think I love him actually. & my heart hurts soo bad. Like physically it hurts & I constantly feel horribly I'll because of how much trouble I've gotten him in. You say a young person liek myself cant love a man of his age.. well I will be the first to tell you it's not a silly school girl crush. I knew he liked me, he said so.. but I thought I was only just attracted to him.. now I come to find I LOVE him. & it hurts soo bad he can never know. We're not allowed to talk or see eachother ever again & his job is on the line because of our

relationship. I would like to at least apologize to him.. for all the hurt I've caused him over his job & his co-workers finding out he was involved with someone so much younger than him(co-worker/ student type of thing- meaning me).. but I'm not allowed to talk to him, vise versa. It's killing me knowing he'll never know how sorry I am for the hurt I've caused him & the anguish his family must be feeling over this.. I dont even think I'd take it back, because I honestly can admit to myself I LOVE THE MAN! But I could never tell him.. he'd probably think I was nuts & we'd get in more trouble.. damn, this is sooo hard for me. I need some major advise!

I could see myself with him.. in a long term sort of deal. We never even kissed, we just we'ren't aloud to be friends the way we were & talk outside of the facility of which we worked/ went to together. It's SOOOO horribly painful getting up each day thinking about him & how he's feeling.. I wonder if he's hurting as much as I am?! I mean, I dont know what to do or say. I love him.. most ardently.

It's weird to think about this.. but like our hands fit so perfectly together.. his skin tone & mine are sooo beautiful together as well.. I mean he's Italian & darker skin & I'm white, just really tan.. He's such a wonderful person inside & out. His mind is so brilliant & he's just all round a great person.. I've ruined this man. & I'm ruining myself over him. I want him so badly. I feel like I'm dying! My heart seriously hurts soooo badly for him.

Answer 1

That age spread is only weird in our country. It's pretty common in the rest of the world. It's my opinion that the closer in age the better, but 10 years isn't so much it's taboo. My parents are 7 years apart. Married at 27 and 20 and are still happily together.

It's really no ones business to tell you whether what you are feeling is a school girl crush or not. Only you can be the judge of that. I know what this hurt feels like. Most people have felt it in some capacity. I know you feel it will never end, but it will. The pain will decrease and eventually go away. It might take a long time though. And you'll probably never forget him.

But my question is: Why can't you guys be together? If you change jobs or schools or whatever it is, wouldn't he be free to see you then? You are 18. If it's true love, don't let anything stop you. You may be more mature at 18 then another girl is closer to his age. It's hard to say since I don't know you, but I know how it feels to be judged for feelings you can't resist.

I really hope the best for you!

Answer 2

Time heals all things ...honestly ....and I know from experiance, but it is best you just let go, it is a hard thing and you sometimes wonder if it will pass but it does. some times it takes years. It has been 5 years for me and there are feelings for the other person, but the pain is gone.