Hey guys, Im 22 dating a 19 year old. We met when she was 18 and I was 21. She is a sophomore in college now by the way...im not a perv haha. But we get along so well. She has somehow weasled her way into being my best friend, even though I have good friends already that I have known since gradeschool. Anyways, on a recent trip her mother scared the life out of her. Her parents love me, and in a heated conversation the subject of being my wife was thrown in her face. Now she is totally turning a 180. She had joked about marriage, and admitted to me being the perfect man. However now she is concious of her decision of being in such a good relationship so young. Ive explained to her that her parents feelings are not mine, and Im just happy to be with her, that its only been 8 months, and I am in no hurry myself to get married. She said she knows that, but at the same time she is letting it affect us. What do you think about the situation?
2007-03-21 09:53:58 · 6 answers · asked by drzoidbergmd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Too add, she is terrified of divorce. She has seen many in her life through friends and feels that being together for a long time is better than marriage because if something ever happens, paper work wont be an issue. She is terrified also because she was cheated on several times in previous relationships. I know we are both so young still, but at the same time we work well together. I just want it to be normal, with no pressure, and no thinking about the future. I always thought day by day was the best way to take it. Im just worried the fear her parents gave her for being so serious at 19 is going to tear us apart eventually...(she is even more scared because she knows she would marry me) i just want her to understand it doesnt have to be so fast....we are still crawling right now....if we get there we will talk about it then.
2007-03-21 09:58:31 · update #1
I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 21. We dated for 4 years, then lived together for 2 more years before we got married. We're ready to celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary in May. If it's meant to be, then it doesn't matter whether you marry now or never. What matters is what you feel for each other. Look at Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed - "Happily Un-married".
Building a life together is not reliant on a piece of paper from the government and a big party with fancy clothes, it's about....well, building a life together.
Just reassure her that you want to be with her, and what happens will happen when it's meant to. You'll both know what you are and aren't ready for.
I wish you both all the best.
2007-03-21 10:02:46 · answer #1 · answered by P T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like your girl has more issues with her mother than with you. Just be as understanding as you can, and try to ride this out. I don't see your age difference as any kind of problem at all. I began dating my husband (we've been married 35 years now) when I was 17 and he was 20. We were both in college. We didn't even talk about marriage for 3 years, and then it was as if we had both always known we were heading there. If you let the subject cool off a bit, then you can probably talk unemotionally about it. If this girl is really your best friend you'll work it out.
2007-03-21 09:58:47 · answer #2 · answered by MOM KNOWS EVERYTHING 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Telling her isn't enough. Clearly her parents comments scared the living sh*t out of her. I hate to say it man, but she probably didn't think you were going to be the last man she ever dated. So, if you want to make the best of your time with her, make it clear that you're just out to have fun and appreciate her as the good woman she is until the day you drift apart. Maybe EVEN flirt a little bit with someone else. Usually this would be bad advice, but in this situation it may make her releived that your hopes and dreams aren't tied up into marrying her. Worst case scenario, she uses your flirtations with other women as a convenient excuse to break it off with a guy she wasn't sure about anyway. Which, although it will suck for you temporarily, would be for the best (assuming I've got this girl pegged).
2007-03-21 10:02:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
coming from a womens point of view when we date we tend to see more into the future than a man. we automatically think can we see ourselves with this person? why that happens i have no idea....but once we find ourselves a good man we start wanting more and that can push a guy away....i know that from experience i dated my first love for 3 years and i was his first love just like he was mine...but it came to a point where i wanted more and well he was not ready we were both 20 and he wanted to go if the grass was greenier in the other side! well now we are not together(2 years) and he still tells me he loves me and knows im the one for him but hes not ready! It really scares a guy away you should really sit there and tell her how you really feel she will respect you more instead of just leaving her and hurting her! let her know your not ready! dont let her do the same mistake i did! good luck
2007-03-21 10:21:40 · answer #4 · answered by *SIMPLY ME* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8 months isnt that long even if it feels like it; even if you are best friends with her it's still good to wait longer, anything could happen. I think you and her should decide, not her parents, and especially if she's terrified of divorce it's good to wait. Not that you would get divorced, but the rate of it gets higher every year and its better not to take any chances to save hurt feelings.
2007-03-21 10:06:14 · answer #5 · answered by Bruntë 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's only 3 years and you're both over 18 so the relationship is fine but don't rush into marriage. take your time because a bf at 19 is one thing but a husband is another. if you're not in a rush and she isn't either then completely ignore everyone else. you're not talking marriage so they shouldn't either!
2007-03-21 09:59:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋