how do you advise ageing/infirm parents?

Question

My parents ave always been active and healthy until recently.My Father was diagnosed with Parkinsons which is fairly debilatating for him.My mother is effectively his carer.Unfortunately my mather has just been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and is pretty sick.

My father will clearly be unable to care for her when she comes out of hospital.We are a large Family,but live very far apart,there is no one nearby to help or support them.

What advice would you give them to ensure that their quality of life is a good as possible in the next few years?

Answer 1

Hi, It's very hard because your parent's have been so active, and most probably have never depended on anyone before. Have you had a word with their G.P. he should be able to advise you on various help your parents could receive. And if he cant help you he must be able to put you in touch with various organisations. Just explain to your parents that because of their illnesses and because you all live far away and wont always be on hand to help, they may need assistance from time to time, You know what parents are like and they may disagree, but common sense will prevail and hopefully they will let someone help them Good Luck to you and your family.

Answer 2

The first question you need to answer, is if your folks died today, how would you feel?, What would you have done differently?

My parents have just reached their 80's and no longer have an income, other than a very small government pension in South Africa (+- $100 each) My brother and I have come to an agreement, that they will live with him for one half of the year and then live with me for the other half of the year and that each of us will provide them with some financial assistance.

It is not easy, because the older they get, the more demanding they get. On the other hand, when we were all younger, they were always thinking of us and were forever giving us little surprise gifts.

They don't have many years left, so now it is our turn to be patient, loving and giving. When it is their time to leave this world, at least I will know that I did my very best to make their last years happy and secure.

Since you have a large family, can your parents not live a few months with each of their children?

It won't be easy, but it will be rewarding.

I wish you all the best
Look after yourself and be safe

Sandy
htto://www.moms-home-safety.com

Answer 3

I've first hand experience of this problem. Our GP arranged Care in the Community with Social Services. Someone came every morning to assist with personal hygiene and breakfast, left a light lunch prepared, returned in the evening to assist at bedtime. Another carer came to provide the evening meal. Outside of this because they were local they were always dropping in to make sure that everything was alright if they were passing. They were so well looked after, it was such a relief for my family being so far away from them to know this.

Answer 4

my advise is for you not for them. My dad had parkinson during 4 years, at the beginning he still had mobility but the last year was horrible, my mum has had her hip operated on and is waiting for a second hip op, and i was diagnosed womb cancer. I change everything possible in my life, my brother lives in England and I live in Spain. I decided to care for my parents as i didn´t know how long they´d live for. It was hard not being able to do what I may have wanted but it was worth it, my dad died at xmas 2005, and i still live with my mum, i was operated on and they seem to have got rid of the cancer, now I live my life but have my mum with me...she´s great and the only person i can really count on...I think my parents proved to me that they are the only people on this earth that i can count on as are my children to me. You must look after them..they won´t be here for long, they deserve it and you deserve them

Answer 5

You must contact social services to get some help for your mother for when she comes out of hospital. Unfortunately it all depends on what they have in their bank, if it is over £18.000 they charge £11.40 per hour. but something must be done and quite quickly. Alternatively they must be prepared to go into a home as they both now need extra medical care. I sympathise with you as I know how draining it all is. Good luck hope everything turns out ok for your mum.

Answer 6

Two older friends of mine, brothers who never married, both
acquired the same illness and needed assistance. They have sold their private residence, vehicles, and most of their life possessions to acquire residence in assisted living quarters. They live in a smaller domicile, do limited cooking, share in the social activities of complex, and seem happy enough. Their main complaint is feeling obliged to fend off over-friendly divorcees and widows.

Answer 7

so sorry to hear your parents are ill my father in law had Parkinson's there was a scheme called in dependant living they would pay for a carer to help keep the old and infirm in their own homes enquire in social services, good luck and I hope your mum will recover fully

Answer 8

i'm very sorry to hear this.check their area for home health organizations, live in help or even a part time housekeeper or cna.medicare may pay for part of it. you'll have to check with them. i'ts hard when you're far away. would moving them closer be out of the question? it's a thought. best of luck to you. god bless.

Answer 9

great time to buy and open a bible, all the issues of life are in there, counseling, peace, wisdom beyond measure, call a pastor or someone who can guide you 3 through it.