My dad side of the family did many things to upsetmy mom. now at a party thedads side invited both mom and dad...she didnt go. dad doesnt side with mom and so he went. Mom and dad llive together and according to mymom dads side have done enough to make her upsat..She is more mad at the fact that dad never ytried to clear up the blame his relatives puton mom.. neither doesn he let mom speak her mind and says...just forget that aything happened infront of his side each time she speaks..Now she just doesnt want to speak to his side anymore...they kep asking me whymom didnt come.. who is to blame???
2007-03-21 08:49:23 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
also give me a solution..dad is like jelly that hears me talk to him but is not listening and always does what he wants... I cant face anyone or speak on moms behalf coz Im really bad at defending ppl and the dads side is really cunning and knows exactly what to say and become innocent to thepoint that they have convinced everyone that mom is a culprit and causes trouble and that everyone asked why mom didnt come today. I said to ask her.
2007-03-21 08:52:39 · update #1
Rough crowd. Well it is overwhelming going into a room full of people feeling that not one of them likes you, or is mean to you.
Your dad sounds very insensitive. Which makes it more hard for your mom. It sounds like at least some of them like her, since they asked where they were. Maybe she should try to befriend the ones that do like her, or ask about her to get them on her side.
Sometimes familys as a whole treat each other this way, not just your mom. I'm sure your dad's had his dose his whole life. So what seems mean to Mom is normal to dad. Its a rough crowd. Maybe you should stay with your mom at these reunions and not leave her side. She may feel more comfortable.
2007-03-21 08:56:26 · answer #1 · answered by Bear 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my sister is going through kinda the same thing with her b/f. well it comes down to the fact that your mom was hurt by your dads side of the family. which leaves your dad in an uncomfortable situation. i don't think that you blaming anyone or taking sides with anyone is going to work. you should try sitting down with both of them and tell them that this conflict is hurting you and and tearing apart the family and that there needs to be something done. and because he is not supporting her, he is also taking part in hurting her. after all family is supposed to support eachother and help eachother. your mom should confront some of the family members in a calm nonthreatening way and explain to them her side of the story and how some of their acts have hurt her. maybe you should comment on how this is affecting you too. as for your dad, he needs to support both of you and your moms concerns. as for what my sister did about the situation, well, her b/f kept doing what your father was doing, and lets just say they are seeing a lot less of eachother now. not to scare you or anything, i just want to let you know how situations MIGHT turn out when left unresolved. remember, family is about joining together, not being drove apart. good luck!
2007-03-21 09:14:27 · answer #2 · answered by serendipityxoxox 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one is to blame. The simple fact is that Dad should stick up for Mom to his family. Once Dad does this the family will have less to say and your Mom wouldn't have to get upset over what the family says.
If that doesn't work, Mom is doing what is best for her by not attending family functions. Who wants to be around a bunch of people who will make her upset? She's doing the right thing.
2007-03-21 08:54:27 · answer #3 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They both are to blame.
1) Your mom needs to act like an adult. Ignoring it or protesting her husband's family will do what? It will make the problem last longer and potentially never resolve. She needs to get off her high horse and talk to his family.
2) His family needs to be more understanding of his wife. You never mentioned how they upset her in the first place. They need to take a pill and realize that your dad married your mom. If they don't like her now, then she can take away their rights to see their grandchildren.
3) Your dad needs to grow some balls and stand up for his wife. Yes, this is his family BUT he married his wife for a reason. HE needs to take responsibility and defend his wife. Give her a chance.
2007-03-21 08:54:34 · answer #4 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
blaming someone never resolves the problem. really. so let's just IMAGINE that were going to blame your second aunt twice removed from your mother's side of the family. okay.....now what? you're mom's still upset. I do think that your dad needs to talk with his side of the family, if the person he suppose to love the most is constantly feeling this way toward his family. and I agree with your mom for not coming over anymore.
2007-03-21 08:59:19 · answer #5 · answered by anonymous 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seeing that your dad married your mom not his family, he should have taken up for her. He should allow her to speak her mind and if that is not allowed I can see why she did not attend. I had to stop talking to my side of my family all together for somewhat similar problems. I get along better with my inlaws because they dont judge. I dont think that anyone should be the blame because we all make mistakes but I do think that they need to have open communication and talk through this problem with both sides of the family present.
2007-03-21 08:55:59 · answer #6 · answered by Nikki G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think anything worthwhile is going to take place unless your mom protests. Your mom must feel free to expose your mom's in-laws, if they upset her and then they expect her to come at the parties. Your mom must express it to your dad in clear terms that she will start exposing what her inlaws do to upset her. If your dad's relatives ask YOU why your mom doesn't come to party, you tell them that, "I told my mom not to come till you people dont apologise her".( Keep this stance till your mom signals that everything is okay) Obviously they aren't going to believe you! They ask you to embarass you and your mom. So next they will ask your dad. Its also likely that they would complain about you being rude. You explain it to dad, that you side with your mom. That you feel about her. Say that, "There has to be someone with her if you are not going to be with her. Say that, you both may not care for each other but I care for everyone in my family. I am going to be rude with people who drag me into elder's fight." Since all this is going to upset your dad, you need to be a good and mature child otherwise. Obey your parents. Help them with their work. Be good at school. Also be very honest to BOTH your mom and your dad. So if they need any clarifications they would trust ONLY you. Seeing that you have matured so early, your words will carry weight. Dad would feel that your mom is an honest and sincere mom. Also dont be too rude to your dad. Except for the reasons where your mom is hurt be very polite and loving child. Even if your dad is wrong, your mother loves your dad and dad loves your mom. She wont like anything that upsets your dad. There's usually no one to blame in such situations. Complications and misunderstandings do evolve over time. Your mom will not go wrong as your dad is already doing enough to prevent that happen. But if your dad goes wrong YOU and your mom must stand together and protest. Hope this works!
2007-03-21 09:53:47 · answer #7 · answered by Mau 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT let all these people, relatives though they are, keep putting you in the middle.
When they ask why mom didn't come give a "I donno" and talk about something else.
Don't engage with them in mom-bashing -- don't defend her (that just encourages them), just say "Well, she's my mother and I love her. I really don't want to hear her criticized."
If necessary, leave the room.
It doesn't matter who is to blame -- it isn't you, and you can't fix this.
Just try to minimize the damage to yourself.
If you don't want to go to your Dad's side family functions any more, tell your dad it's because you don't want to be around people who diss your mom.
It is wrong for all of these people to try to put you in the middle, and understandable you want to make things right, but you need to take care of yourself first.
Try not o let all these people bother you.
2007-03-21 16:22:06 · answer #8 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom and dad need to do the grownup thing and clear the air. If it can't be resolved after they try then his family are the immature ones and he needs to decide what to do about that. You and your mom are his family now and he needs to stand by you guys. I went through the same thing and now my dad speaks to his family but my mom does not and we do not do family get together with them any more.
2007-03-21 09:55:14 · answer #9 · answered by teresacmt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is being an a$$. He should be the one to clear things up between her and his people. I'm not saying that he should ignore his family. Life is too short and family is too important.
Stick by your mom, so she doesn't feel like no one is supporting her.
2007-03-21 08:56:08 · answer #10 · answered by Ya Ya 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋