Is it rude or not?

Question

One of my friends had her first baby...shae made a celebration party and many friends came over and everyone brought their gift and put on the gift table...I did the same..now her baby is 2 months old...I spoke to her many times and she didnt mention a thing about the gift---I mean no thank you or any thing else...also I never recieved a thank you card...I know 100% that she got it because she told somone about all the gifts she recieved.
Next time I talk to her, can I ask her: Mary, did you ever recieve my gift? or is it rude...please help...I WANT A THANK YOU...aint I right??????

Answer 1

People don't send out thankyou notes like they use to.
It's uncivilized.
But it's not really rude.
Just let it be.
She's a tired new mum. And the gift is really for the child!

Answer 2

I think you can rightfully expect a "Thank you for "gift-name"."
If the gifts were opened at the party, a small comment and verbal thank you at the party itself should do.
If they were not opened, then a verbal thank you over the phone or when you meet, with a more personal comment on 'how useful the gift is' or 'how thoughtful of you' (the latter, if she returned it).
And, how about email! Most new moms are up at all crazy hours, pretty easy to send a personal thank you email.

About a written thank you card, that is nice, and recommended by all Manners books. But, in most cultures a heartfelt verbal thank you is considered enough. Plus, once kids are part of the picture, it is just sooo hard to find the time.
On the other hand, one needs to model good manners to our kid by writing thank you notes.

yes, you are right in feeling put out. it is rude of her. and new-mom thing is not an excuse. more so, if she had the time to have a celebration party.

But, let I'd say let it go. If she just didn't think to thank you, she is going to feel rude. If she returned it, she'll make an excuse.

If you must ask, phrase it so that it sounds like you are just making sure she received it. "I'm so bad at wraping presents, tags come off'. "you must be so swamped,did u get around to opening all gifts'. 'so what kind of gifts are the in-thing now-a-days..."

Answer 3

You said she had her first baby - the girl is probably so tired and pulled in so many different directions that she doesn't have time to than everyone. She threw a celeb party and you went and joined in on the festivities - that's her way of sharing her moment with you all. The gift giving is to honor that. Plus, when you chose the gift, what was your intent, was it so she would owe you a "thank you"? Don't be so petty about it, I'm sure the gift is being used for what it was meant to. If it really bugs you still then ask her, "hey Mary, how's the ______ treating you?" because most likely she did forget but it doesn't mean she's not thankful for it, give her a break.

Answer 4

I think it's rude that she didn't send you a thank you note. I've been taught to send thank-you notes to people whenever I receive a gift. It's just polite. However, many people nowadays don't bother sending thank-you's...

If you know 100% that she got it, don't worry about it and just leave it alone. It's a shame on her part that she didn't send a thank-you note, but you don't want to come across as someone who wants recognition and attention... I guess you could ask "so, how does the baby like that toy I gave her?" or whatever the gift was... but I'd just drop it if I were you and acknowledge that some people aren't as polite and thankful as others.

Answer 5

I am assuming that the note on the gift was secured to the gift. You could ask (depending on what you gave) "how did you like the (whatever)"? If this is really bothering you.

However if a "thank you" note was not received, by now, let it go as it has been two months.

Answer 6

I think you need to be a little more understanding of your friend. Her first baby. That's pretty overwhelming. She's doing things she's never had to do before, getting very little sleep at night, and feeling stressed. I'd bet when she does have free time, she wants to take a nap before the next feeding or diaper change, not write out thank you notes.

If what you want is a thank you, then ask. It just seems childish to me that a thank you is more important to you than understanding your friend is going through some significant changes at this time.

By the way, remember the fuss you're making when you have a two month old.

Answer 7

I wouldn't ask her about it, but yes, it was very rude of her to not send thank you notes or at the very least verbally thank you. It just screams of tackiness and laziness. Also, it isn't proper for her to have a celebration party for her new baby. It is proper etiquette for a friend to host the baby shower and do all the inviting. So number one, she shouldn't ask for gifts. And number two, she should send sincere thank yous to everyone. She's a tacky person.

Answer 8

Yes, it's rude to not get a thank you... but it's also rude to demand a thank you. If you are truly concerned that she never received the gift, then ask. This happened to me over Christmas and it turned out I never received the gift! But as yourself this: Did you give the gift out of the spirit of giving or give the gift just to get a thank you???

Answer 9

She just had a baby for chrissakes, so give her a little leeway if she isn't Miss Manners and forgot to say "Thank you". You shouldn't give a gift to receive a "Thank you" you should give a gift because you want to! She is probably wrapped up in all the changes that come along with having a baby and has completely forgot to thank you. Don't take it personally and don't point it out to her, it would be very tacky of you.

Answer 10

A thank you note/word from her would be courteous and only right. Unfortunately these days it doesn't seem like you get much thanks anymore. I went to two weddings last year and did not get a thank you note for the gifts. It is just totally rude.

I would ask her whether she got the gift. Hopefully she will get the message that she is rude!