how can you tell if your boyfriend is the one for you?

Question

i just got of an abusive relationship and my new boyfriend seem to perfect... he is polite and sweet smart but in the begining he says he loves who i am now after 6months he tells me to change the way i think the way i dress. im cinfused in what he wants from me...

Answer 1

He wants to MOLD you into HIS perfect woman.

This is wrong.

Tell him exactly how you feel... that you feel that he doesn't love you anymore... that he just loves the idea of changing a girl.

Answer 2

Any relationship where someone's trying to change the other person a lot is not healthy. It's ok to want to change something about the other person a LITTLE bit and to try to do it gently and through constructive criticism. But if he's full out making you feel bad about how you are as a person, he's not as considerate as a boyfriend should be. You might need to find someone who cares more about your feelings & loves you for you.

Answer 3

In my experience, people have a tendency to want to change people (usually, frankly, it's women wanting to "tune up" a guy...but it happens the other way plenty too), especially people they're close to.

In your situation: I'd look at it like a formula:

for you: your boyfriend's requests - your desire to change x your independence = how much you care about him...or put in a non-algebraic (sp?) way, when he asks too much of you, more than your desire to be your own person can stand, and it outweighs the good, positive things he's doing to affect your life, it's time to cut him loose.

Keep an open mind where if he's trying to actually help you (like talking about you working harder in school or drinking less (just as examples)), these might be good, positive things, so you may want to listen. Always keep an open mind.

On the flipside: if he crosses the line from "suggestion" to "put down" (the line is easy to spot: if he says something about you that makes you feel badly about yourself, that's the line), I'd bring it up to him first, then if he keeps going, drop him.

In either case, I'd sit him down and tell him SPECIFIC THINGS that he's said that you thought he could have put better or kept to himself. After that, if he does it again, you can pull him aside and just say, "remember our talk? if you want another type of girl, then maybe she's out there, but this is who I AM."

Good luck!

Answer 4

Honey, I'm telling you to drop the guy- right now!
I'm seeing the red flags yelling" C-O-N-T-R-O-L-L-I-N-G!"

How you started off, and the course that your relationship is taking with this guy can be clasified under LOVE FRAUD.

Polls shows that women tend to follow the same pattern over again once they've been in an abusive relationship.

Don't make the same mistake again.

Go to this website that tells evrything about love fraud to help you single out the fraudulent b.f's as they come.
http://www.lovefraud.com/


Good Luck & be a strong woman!

Answer 5

I'd tell you to lose the guy. It's not a good sign if he's telling you what you should be wearing. It means he's controlling and will probably turn out to be like you're last boyfriend.

Answer 6

He's letting his true colors come out. I would be careful because it seems like you may heading in a verbal abusive relationship.

Answer 7

More Red Flags....but this time heed them before the abuse
starts....He obviously is the one who needs to change....
Run..Run...

Answer 8

any man that tell you to change who you are is not good for you!!!! leave him find someone who likes you for you

Answer 9

he says 'baby you and me just you and me', or something simalar to that degree...

you'll know

Answer 10

he's controlling leave