Things really are pretty good between us, but the momentum has sorta stalled. She is really, and I mean REALLY protective of her feelings. I have learned to tread lightly in regard to them. The trouble is, I come from a divorce background, and a pretty messy one at that, and consequently it is extremely important to me to have real feelings on the table even if they are hurtful because, in my experience, ignoring true feelings (like what I grew up around) is so much more detrimental than being open and honest even if it's not what I want. So my question is, esp. for any of you who can relate to her, could there be any positive impact or benefit from me telling her this? She knows my parents are divorced already, but I don't really know if she gets how that changed me. I long for the day that we can both revel in how much we actually care for each other.
2007-03-21 07:43:33 · 9 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Lots of good answers already, I just want to add that being honest doesn't mean overwhelming someone with your feelings. Tread lightly if she is that protective. It sounds like she has been hurt and has her own reasons. Be honest, but don't be really heavy about it. Don't make her responsible, or make her feel responsible for your needs to be honest and share at this point. Start small and work your way up. Good luck, you sound like a good person:)
2007-03-21 08:05:23 · answer #1 · answered by Lappet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should feel open to tell her what you need or want to tell her and if she wants to have a good honest relationship she should listen. She is worried about her feelings but she is not the only one in this relationship that has them and she needs to understand that. Just be careful and choose your words carefully. Think of the impact your words will have on her before you say them. If you think it may hurt her then find another way to say it. Just remember, communication is so important to a healthy happy relationship.
2007-03-21 14:52:37 · answer #2 · answered by VMSS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely think that sharing this with her would be BENEFICIAL and could strengthen your relationship. I totally believe that strong communication is key to a good relationship and you are right that you have to be honest, but not negative. The old saying of "if you don't have something good to say, don't say anything" is only good if you are trying to be hurtful with your comments not helpful. There are also several seminars that couples can go to to learn how to communicate in good positive ways, etc and can strenghthen a relationship and a person for the better (google it). Good luck to you and God Bless.
2007-03-21 15:01:38 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's clear that you really want open communication especially about feelings, and I am replying to your post because I can definitely relate to your partner. We all deal with emotions differently, and yet we want our partners to be like us, or at least open instead of protective. For whatever reason your partner is protective it's probably for a good reason. Maybe she's not sure how she feels about you, maybe she's afraid of getting hurt, who knows? Whatever the reason, she is not going to open up just because you wish she would. If anything, if you press the issue she will probably withdraw further. So, be patient, and remember actions speak louder than words.
2007-03-21 14:53:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship is only as good as the communication. I have learned (from 2 divorces) that if either partner can't or won't communicate, it's heading for a break-up. Be honest about YOUR feelings, and let her know she can share hers with you as well. But if she continues to avoid, I would advise you to look elsewhere.
2007-03-21 14:50:57 · answer #5 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good start would be to tell her what you just told us. It is well thought out and well stated. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. If she disagrees then she may not be right for you. It would be better to find out now than later on. Go for it. You seem to communicate quite well and she may thank you for the heads up before things get bad.
2007-03-21 14:52:11 · answer #6 · answered by Alchemist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's Spring. Bring her a bouquet of a dozen orange roses, a box of chocolate, take her out to dinner. Get a table for two, hold her hand and tell her you _love_ her. Do you? She needs to know you love her.
2007-03-21 14:50:18 · answer #7 · answered by Mark 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is tell her your thoughts and feelings and accept whatever she does or doesn't do. She may have a reason for protecting her feelngs.
2007-03-21 14:47:52 · answer #8 · answered by H.B.K. 2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her everything you have said here. You have to be honest with her before she can be honest with you.
2007-03-21 14:48:17 · answer #9 · answered by Noree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋