my mom is ready to talk about my sexual abuse, what should i say to her?

Question

i was sexually abused by my stepfather when i was younger. i didn't remember it until i was about 22. i told my mother. he denies it. and then my mother turned her back on me and told me all kinds of things like i deserved it and etc. we have always been bestfriends until it comes to her husband. she has told me that i am never to speak on this subject again and i haven't. but now i'm ready to rid myself of this horrible secret that i feel like i'm still obligated to keep. she has agreed to talk to me what should i say to her? I don't want to hurt my mother cause i know it's hard for her to hear that he hurt me in this way, but i also don't want to live in agony continuously keeping this secret. i just need her to support me and get him some help.

Answer 1

Some of what your mother may be feeling is anger at herself for not seeing the signs that this man could do these things and instead of dealing with her anger she is directing it toward you (which is totally wrong but a normal human reaction). You could probably benefit from some counseling to be able to compartmentalize this issue and move on. There are usually abuse support groups (sometimes churches have them) you could look on community bulletin boards or in the phone book. Before meeting with your mom why not write down whatever you are feeling and need to get off your chest and go from there. Are you looking for a specific response from her? You may not get it if she is still with this man - and don't forget he could be abusing other little girls (sexual abusers don't just suddenly stop). You may also want to start a support group yourself or volunteer at an abuse center to help heal yourself. May God Bless you in your efforts to heal. Good luck.

Answer 2

As hard as this is, he should have been reported to the police a long time ago, people who act on this disgusting behavior are sick and are in need of a lot of help. According to studies they are also prone to repeating.

I suggest that you tell the truth leave the feelings behind if at all possible. Explain to your mother that this talk is about facts not feelings. Be straight foward and to the point.

No need to circle the subject, just let it out and let it go. This incident was not your fault, you did not cause this in any way, and you or anyone never deserves something like this to happen.

Answer 3

Wow first of all she is protecting him, and she doesn't want to see that he is a sick person. i would be leary about her wanting to talk about it now, more than likely she has told him what you have said to her and he has come up with reasons why yopu may have thought he sexually abused you.

I don't envy you because this is a long hard road and it does get easier but it will never go away. Your mother may be saying now that she is willing to talk to you about what your step father did but if she is still living with him she is willing to protect him.

I was raped as a child between the age of 7-12 my mother was told the first time it happened and because I wasn't protected I blocked it out (repressed memory) and the memories did not return until the age of 30, my mother still denies she knew and that my Uncle her brother ever raped me. I am now 45 I have been in counseling and I have learned to live with what he did to me, and I know I will never forget it but I can live my life as a happy normal person.

Please seek counseling the sooner the better and your counselor will let you know if you are ready to have that talk with your mother.

I would also check into the statue of limatations in your State, it may still be possible to prosecute your mothers husband and protect other children from this man i can just about bet he is and has molested other girls you where not the only one.

Answer 4

Oh! Lord! You are a truly compassionate woman. With your mom and with your stepfather.What not try to be compassionate with yourself also for a change? the victim is YOU, not your mom,not the stepfather.Bad things happen in our lives that we are not responsible of.We cannot forget about them,but we can certainly learn how to handle them and learn from them.Needing your mom's acceptance of what happened is natural,but not necessary.My advice to you: Visit a counselor sepcialising in these things and try to get out of that house as soon as you can.She or he may never tell you what you need to hear, but they are not the most important persons in your life. YOU ARE and the family YOU will eventually have will be.I am sorry for what happened dear, seek professional help, you will realize it is a huge step towards better life. All my best wishes to you, you deserve the best and WILL HAVE IT.

Answer 5

very plenty so. that's been shown time and time lower back that standard grotesque, obese and underweight people have a severe threat of a background of actual and sexual abuse. that's a survival instinct to have your physique grow to be unattractive while you're in an abusive ecosystem. The good judgment this is while you're no longer captivating, there is far less of a gamble a attack -- specially a sexual attack -- will consequence to you. it is stated that for the period of an fact that rape sufferers will many times earnings or loose as much as twenty to thirty kilos in six months after the attack to alter their visual attraction to sidestep the rape from reoccurring.

Answer 6

Tell her exactly what you said in your question! Be honest and get this off your chest or it will surface in all kinds of negative ways!!! It's SO important! And realise that she DID agree to talk to you about it now so maybe she just needed time to accept the possibility. And remember its hard for her too, but I think she must be ready to support you now or she would have just kept NOT speaking of it. I'm sure she's missed your relationship as much as you have. But regardless, this is about YOU getting to start to heal so however it goes, just talking about it out loud to her will be good for you, and you shouldn't have had to wait so long for her support and of COURSE YOU DIDN'T DESERVE IT!! So I am not making excuses for her, just pointing out how hard it must be to hear someone you love is doing something like that and it might be easier for you to understand her denial till now.And she needs the opportunity to apologise to you if you ask me. But good luck to you and I really hope you guys get your closeness back!

Answer 7

i have an idea of what you're going through. except it was my real father, and my mom finally came around. at first, she acted like nothing ever happend. but then my sister reported it and my mom had to face the truth. you need to tell her what you told us. that you need her support. dont hold it in, no matter how hard it is to hurt your mother. you need to say everything to her, because if you dont, the realization will hit you when you least expect it. try to ease the news as much as you can, but still, tell her everything. also, explain to her how much she hurt you by turning her back on you. hopefully, she'll realize how wrong her actions were! best of luck to you and i hope i helped!

Answer 8

ohhh man....my brothers gf was in the same situation and she called the police on her mothers bf...an her mother begged her not too..thats not a mom a mom woould beat the **** outta of bf or husband and call the police on his ***....or at least thas what my mother would do....wut kind of mother takes a stupid dumb pervert bf or husband doesnt matter over their own flesh an blood...omg if that was my mom i would tell her to go suck a dick...an beat the **** outta her husband then call the police...an i prolli wouldnt ever speak to my mom..it shouldnt be that hard for her...it obviously was for you it happen to you... i hope u do the right thing and im srry you had to go through that...goodluck

Answer 9

I know how you feel, I was s. assaulted myself. I would tell her how he manipulated and threatened you. You don't have to go into grave details unless you want to. Its difficult, but you have to get it off your chest. Be carful about details your mother may not appriciate that. Tell her in a general sense and give her details if she ask and if your comfortable with it. Take care Heather

Answer 10

help? he needs to be arrested. Your mom needs to hear this. It will be hard for both of you but you need to unload and she need to come to terms with it. It will eventually bring your relationship back where it should be. Im sorry your mom wasnt there for you the 1st time, and I bet she is too.