My future sister in law guilted us into having her son be in our wedding when we told her we picked a friend's 5 year old boy as the ringbearer. We said we would have our jr groomsman and bridesmaid pull a wagon down with the younger boy. My mom went to a wedding where they did this and everyone that is was adorable. The problem is all this child does is cry! Even if his parents are in the room, he is crying. We are getting married outdoors and our aisle is very,very long. Probably almost half of a block. I think that the baby should not be in the wedding because he is going to cry and it will look silly! My future nephew obviously doesn't care if he is in the wedding and really doesn't have a purpose other than just to have him there. We already have our ringbearer. My fiance said if he crys, then his dad can come get him. Once again I think this will look very silly. I know its my wedding but I don't want to come across as a bridezilla. What do you think I should do?
2007-03-21 07:10:24 · 22 answers · asked by Pumpkin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think it was very rude of your future sister inlaw to even ask you...I wouldn't use the cry baby, you can tell her you all ready have who you want in....
2007-03-21 07:35:14 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It is YOUR wedding not the other relatives or friends!!! You are not bridezilla, you are a women who wants to have a joyous and pleasant atmosphere for the most special time in her life.
Indoors or outside, the wedding is a celebration for adults of the vows of a lifetime commitment and means nothing to a baby. Babies, crying or not, do not belong at a wedding. And by the time the father would remove the crying baby, other people's enjoyment has been ruined. If you chose to have a child in the wedding party, great but don't let anyone except the man you are marrying guilt you into having someone attend who is NOT wanted.
If you want to be flexible, have a child care room with a private paid sitter for those who have kids. But set the limits that the children, regardless of age, remain in the room where the parents can check on them.
BTW if the problem is on your fiance's side of the family, let him be the one to tell them the "rules" of the day.
2007-03-21 14:25:54 · answer #2 · answered by banananose_89117 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say it is your wedding and children (be they 5 6 7 or 2) are unpredictable. The youngest I had was 7. This is your wedding and how will it look on video in 5 years? Cute or annoying? All eyes should be on YOU not a child. People will remember more if there was an 18 month old crying throughout your wedding than they will you. People will say "What were they thinking putting a baby in that wedding?" Sorry, I am hands down on this that you should be nice but firm and stand your ground.
2007-03-21 14:20:04 · answer #3 · answered by Mickey 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you already told the mom yes, you can't go back on your word. That would be rude on your part. (Yes, she was rude to insist, but now that you've said yes, you can't be rude in return.)
Since you already agreed to it, just let him be in it. Is the toddler boy's mom or dad in the wedding party? Have him process up the aisle holding one of his parent's hands-- NOT along with the 5 year old ringbearer. He will be tremendously more happy to be with a parent, and it really doesn't matter what part of the procession he is part of, anyhow.
Most wedding planning books say kids should be older than 4 if you want them to be in a wedding. We are considering having a 3 year old, but she will be holding her mom's hand the whole time, like I described above, as she definitely is too young to walk alone with another kid without being super scared.
2007-03-21 18:49:51 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if the child were YOURS I would suggest that you find someone to care for it during the ceremony.
What can this child even do??? Momma just wants her darling to be the 'cute one' at the wedding.
I recently performed a ceremony where the bride had a young daughter of about 3. The child did nothing but scream, which unnerved the mother through the whole ceremony, even after the child was removed from the mother's arms. The stress was too much for Mom who broke down herself after the ceremony.
I suggest that any child under the age of 3 not be used unless someone is waiting at the end of the aisle to whisk them away.
Parents tend to 'hype' a child's role as well adding stress to the children. And if this child is already a crier...............
It's your call.
2007-03-21 14:38:26 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I got married a month ago and my 20 month old son was our ring bearer. This is what happened:
My 10 yo daughter who was the maid of honor started walking down the aisle. My son was suppose to be led down the isle by my 11 year old sister but instead he was told by someone to follow his sister and he took off without my sis and ended up handing his pillow to a random guest and running around the chairs being chased by 2 of my other sisters. The guests got a kick out of it and it made for an interesting entrance but if he wasnt my son, I might not have thought it was so funny... Also, all he wanted was me to hold him during our ceremony but none of my family got him because they didnt want to miss it. I ended up picking my son up just as the officiant was about to tell us to face each other: Thankfully a family friend who my son knows very well offered to take him outside for the rest of the ceremony.
My advice to you: if it doesnt mean that much to your fiance than I say have your fiance talk to his sis and say that you both feel he is too young to be in the wedding or if it means a lot to your fiance (its his wedding too) than come up with some ideas.. maybe his mom can pull him in a wagon or a groomsmen can carry him. If you do decided to keep him in the wedding make sure you ask his parents to remove him from the ceremony if he gets cranky dont assume they will: I assumed my family would help with my son but everyone was so wrapped up with themselves. (of course, you can probably come up with a better way to say it than that).
Keep in mind: that no matter whats happens: just go with it and knwo that it will only make for great stories later. You will be so wrapped up in whats going on with you and your fiance that you will hardley see anything else thats happening.
2007-03-21 18:25:42 · answer #6 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sick of people thinking that just because they are related to you or the groom they are in some way in-titled to have themselves or their children in your wedding. It drives me nuts. It is YOUR decision to pick who is in your wedding, not something that relatives should push off on you. My mother in law seemed to think that I was going to automatically put my sister in law to be and her daughter in my wedding, just because that is the way they do it in their family. Um no, his sister has been far less than decent to me and I already have two flower girls and do not need a third. I refused to let them bully me into it. I said that my best friends are my bridesmaids and my bridesmaids children are my flower girls and ring bearer. Yes they were upset, but I was not going to let them ruin my day! Do what you want at your wedding. It is yours! Are the parents of the child helping you to pay for your wedding? If not then you can really put your foot down and tell them that you just do not feel with him being so young and needy that it will work out due to the length of the aisle and the formality of the wedding.
2007-03-21 16:29:57 · answer #7 · answered by Lillianne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why sould the baby be at the wedding?!I mean what's the point?!He is not going to remember anything!Let him watch it on video when he's older.
Besides,the parents wont have so much time to relax and enjoy the wedding because they will have to look after the baby.And probably leave early to put him to bed.I think it would be very selfish of your sister in law to bring this child who apparently cries all the time.It's your wedding and you should decide.
There's absolutely no point of having this baby at the wedding.He would probably be much happier with a babysitter.
2007-03-21 16:26:04 · answer #8 · answered by lillilallalo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't a Bridezilla issue, this is legitimate concern. It would likely make your wedding miserable not only for you and the guests, but it sounds like your nephew wouldn't enjoy the experience either. Have you spoken to your fiancee about the problem? If he understands your position it will make things easier. I think both of you should sit down with your future SIL and gently explain that it would probably be better for all parties if your nephew sat this one out.
2007-03-21 14:29:29 · answer #9 · answered by paperback_beedle 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is your wedding and you have the right to make the decision. If you believe the baby will cry the entire time going down the aisle then it will be wise to save your guests the annoyance of a crying baby. I can assure you most of them would appreciate it. Babies are cute when they are smiling and laughing.
If your future sister in law continues to insist to have him in the wedding then make sure she knows he will be excluded from the precession at the last minute if he is crying before it starts.
2007-03-21 14:23:12 · answer #10 · answered by Jayne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a flower girl that age and she did fine, but she doesn't act like this little boy does.
Anyway our Pastor told us that usually he recommends that you not have children under the age of five for the crying issue, scared etc.
You can always tell the family that you talked it over with the pastor and he advised you having this little boy be in the wedding.
I do not think you a being a bridezillla at all. it is YOUR and your FIANCE'S wedding.
2007-03-21 14:22:05 · answer #11 · answered by mars1021 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋