How I can improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

Question

My self esteem is always knocked when my father does not ever give me support or encouragement and I am a fully grown adult with my own family! How can I stop this effecting me has anyone got experience of this? I am 32 and should know better! Serious answers only please.

Answer 1

Oh My Gosh! Are you not an amazinig human being? I bet you are. look at all the wonderful things you do for your family, your job, etc... go take a cup of coffe on the porch tomorrow morning at about sun up and enjoy the crisp clean day, this will make you feel wonderful to just be a part of the world and all it has to offer. you have a lot to offer, if there are people in your life who dont realize it, thats their loss. Enjoy who you are and all you have no matter how much or how little

Answer 2

Don't look to you dad for approval, look to yourslef. Once you put the importance of all you done and credit yourslef then you can move on. Parents just want you to be happy, if your a strong perosn m, make your own decisions, and Im sure you made plenty at 32, then anyone worth sharing anything with you will respect that. I don't think parents feel they need to support and push you into things once you build a life of your own. You need to do this for your kids while tehy are young so that when they are 32 they can understand that they know enough to encourage and motivate their own decisions. Isn't taht why we all wnat to grow up? Independance?

Answer 3

Funny how we as daughters even in our adult life still seek approval and support from our fathers. I am 29yo and even though I believe in myself, and have good self-esteem there are times that I fall and wish my Dad would've said this or that.

At best, I try to remember that I need to take my father at face value. I shouldn't expect more or less than the man he is. He will never be the Dad I needed.

Learn from your fathers mistakes with your own children.

If you need more self reassurance, then seek people who are positive. Pick up a self help book and try to wake up every morning and say "no matter what today brings I am confident that I will face it head on".

Answer 4

One of the hardest things to do in life is to separate yourself from your family in terms of approval. I don't think I'll ever do it. I'll always want my parents' approval. But I have come to realize that my dad likes to guilt trip me . . . . a lot. And I've had to figure out how to avoid putting any weight into those guilt trips.

My mom always told me to let it roll off my back. It was great advice, but it wasn't practical.

What you are asking are two separate issues though.

1) Improving self-esteem: Get to know who you are and what you love. When you get angry, ask yourself what makes you angry. Figure out what your flaws are. Figure out what your bad habits are. Get to know the good and the bad. For instance, I'm very aware that I'm obese, but I love food. I don't eat all day; I just eat big meals. I know as I'm putting something in my mouth about how many calories are in it. But I do it anyway. Hence, bad habit.

To improve my self-esteem, I did a lot of reading. I read Gloria Steinem's Revolution from Within. You don't have to be a feminist to appreciate what she's saying in that book. But it really helped me understand how we see ourselves.

I also dived into the things I love doing.

2) Getting past wanting approval means accepting that the decisions you make are your adult decisions. And even if they mean falling on your face, you made the decision. You need to support yourself. When something good happens, reward yourself by giving yourself approval (go get some ice cream!). If something bad happens, feel the emotions, then figure out what you've learned.

I've worked through some of this by writing a lot (if you couldn't tell).

There are so many more suggestions I could give you, but this is a start. If you want more from me, please e-mail. :)

Answer 5

I feel your pain and I do have experience. I am now 39yrs old and will be 40 in June of this year. If I can tell you anything that I have learned over my life having the issues you have is Know who you are( You are a child of God) and he loves you. Love yourself( you can not love someone until you love yourself), and do not look to others for acceptance and approval, find these things inside yourself.. You are great, you are loved, you are worth everything and more and you will pass those qualities on to your children and not the low self esteem the devil perpetrates... LOVE YOURSELF and RESPECT YOURSELF and TEACH YOUR CHILDREN THE SAME!!! Dare to be different and uniquely you!! Let no one take your UNIQUE YOU AWAY!!!

Answer 6

Give yourself goals, and surround yourself with challenges. I know it sounds like exactly the opposite of what someone who's down on themselves would do, but I honestly beleive that nothing builds self-confidence better than achievement. Start an exercise routine, and set small goals that are easilly reachable. Once you reach that goal, remind yourself that the goal was only easy because you THOUGHT it was easy--someone else might not have suceeded, but you did. Then apply that mindset to other areas of life. Each time you knock down an "easy" mile-marker, again, remind yourself that your achievement was made because YOU considered it easy. You felt above the challenge! Then, once you're comfortable with "easy" stuff, find a challenge. Nothing monumental--we're not talking about climbing Everest--but something just slightly out of your reach. Once you've suceeded, once again reward yourself for being greater than your challenge. The steps you take are up to you, because nobody knows yourself better than you do.

One final thought, dear. Do NOT allow your father (or me, or your mother, or a sibling, or a boss--NOBODY!) to knock you down. Negative words are just as easilly dismissed as bad advice. And besides, you're better than all that!

Here's one of my favorite sayings--and I wish I knew who I was quoting: "Those who have abandoned their dreams will always discourage yours."

Good luck to you!

Answer 7

why, at 32 are you still looking for support or encouragement from your dad? that isn't his job and hasn't been his job since you left home. He probably never did his job when he was supposed to, but you continue to try to get it from him. Time to give up the strings to daddy and be an adult. You must learn to support and encourage yourself, like the rest of us adults. You might benefit from seeing a therapist, who will not give you answers, but will be helpful in guiding you to find your own.

Answer 8

Try the self help tapes or CDs by Chris Howard.

Answer 9

The BEST way is to start a hobby or a craft and see how good you are at it. When you see your creativity, you will bolster your self esteem.

Don't dwell on Dad. Dwell on things you can do best.

Answer 10

Help the needy. That is usally pretty gratifying and the needy people will think you are such a great person. Hey, maybe even your parents will think so too.