He argues that he is getting too old. I am 28 and he is 35. Our first kid was a suprise baby so I want to be ready and I want it done right the second time around. He is giving me the cold shoulder as punishment until I agree.
2007-03-21 06:58:01 · 14 answers · asked by LUDA07 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
No, it isn't really fair. Men have a biological clock too, but having a baby is a decision both parents should make. And giving you the cold shoulder is pretty childish! Does he see you as a spouse or a baby machine?
Try to compromise with him. A few years between kids is fine, and he won't be in a nursing home by the time you feel ready. Set some milestones (i.e. have a certain amount of money in savings, or have kid #1 out of diapers) that would help you feel comfortable and ready. If you're stressed while pregnant, it won't go as well and could hurt your relationship and family in the long run.
2007-03-21 07:11:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are being absolutely unfair to him to just tell him no. In marriage you don't get to do that anymore. Everything needs to be discussed and agreed upon. You're never actually ready for children lol. Also, he does have point about your age. At the age of 30 your chances of having a child drop significantly and the chances of having a child with a birth defect rise quite a bit. Why do you think you should get the ultimate decision here, a marriage is supposed to be about sharing.
2007-03-21 08:21:32 · answer #2 · answered by autumnofserenity@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him to grow up. He's not the one carrying the baby for 9 months, giving birth, and then trying to get all the baby weight off and take care of 2 kids plus him. He's not that old. Men are having babies way older than 35. If he really loves you and respects you, he will wait until you are ready. Hear his side of the story and then tell him yours. Maybe reach a "compromise". In like a year, you'll start trying or something like that.
2007-03-21 07:03:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
How old is your first child? I do not think that anybody truly feels ready for another child. I would say it isn't right for him to pressure you, but it isn't right for you to hold out on him either. I think it is something that you both need to sit down and look at all the good and bad of both waiting and going ahead and having another baby now. You do realize that if you had a baby right now, your husband would be 53 years old when the baby graduates from high school?
2007-03-21 07:02:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
It isn't very fair but you have to understand where he is coming from too. The older men get the less they want to care for infants. They look for retirement. My husband is only 26 and he told me that if I wanted more than one baby I had a certain time frame to do it. I was lucky enough to be ready for my second and we now are proud parents of a boy and a girl. Let him know that you feel you are being treated unfairly and try to talk through it. Compromise if you can. Good luck!!
2007-03-21 07:03:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are far from to old. Sounds like maybe you might have some other things going on that would bring about this behavior. The positive side might be that he saw that you seemed very fullfulled as a mother, and wants that for you again. The other side, is some men use it as a way to keep wifey under wraps, or because they developed a liking for you belly! I know it might be hard, but consider other angles to your marriage to see if there are other areas that need examined as well.
2007-03-21 07:05:11 · answer #6 · answered by The Hippy Momma 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
what ya'll really need to do is focus on the child that ya'll have now. count the one ya'll have now as a blessing. cause when a second kid comes around everything will change. my sister had to learn that lesson the hard way. and besides having only one kid is not a bad thing. oh and another thing my uncle just fathered his 3rd child and he is 56 yr old, so 35 is not getting to old,but again you don't want to be too old to enjoy your kids. my advice is just to enjoy the one you have now and when the time is right for another kid you will know.
2007-03-21 07:17:43 · answer #7 · answered by kelly k 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is being emotionally abusive. If you are not ready do not have another child. Discuss with your husband how you are feeling and why you want to wait. You are still young. My hubby was 41 at the birth of our last child. But you two need to do some serious talking!!!
2007-03-21 07:05:34 · answer #8 · answered by Minton quest 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Remind him how old Hugh (Playboy) Hefner was when he had his last child... your husband has plenty of time! And besides, who's going to be the one giving birth to this delightful creature? Carrying it for 40 weeks, going into labor, all that fun stuff? Is the cold shoulder the only pressure he's putting on you? Enjoy the silence. My husband never shuts up, and about stupid stuff, too!
2007-03-21 07:04:07 · answer #9 · answered by SodaLicious 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Seems he needs to be aware of your needs and concerns. It is not all about him! It is about you, the children, and him. He needs to understand that first of all. If a common ground can not be found in this, then there may be some marriage counseling in store for the both of you.
I wish you the best.
2007-03-21 07:05:06 · answer #10 · answered by Goober W 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋