How can I encourage my boyfriend to propose?

Question

After a year of dating, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him, since we both been married before we agreed not to rush things and live together for 1 year and then, if everything was ok, he would propose. (He is a very shy person to the point that his ex-wife was the one that propose)

It's been almost 1year and 1/2 and still no proposal. I talk to him asked him if perhaps our relationship is not what he wanted, he said: "I love you and yes I want to marrie you some day" At that moment I felt kind of sad, I thought he was not ready he notice so he said to me: "Had it ever occur to you that I might not know how to do this?"

So.. knowing he is very shy and it is so hard for him to do this. What should I do to help? Or perhaps I shouldn't do a thing.

What do you think?

Thanks to everyone of you for your answers.
He is shy but not stupid, he knows that I am not playing house with him and if he does not get his act together then I will get my stuff and move out.
Also, about the baby... No, I do not want to get pregnant before I get married. He said he wants a baby but I said no until you commit to this relationship.
About money, it is not about money, I do not care if the ring is cheap. I am not a material girl plus he can always change it in the future.
All I want is a proposal, I want to know that he is serious about us that he wants us to be together forever as bad as I do. Also I want to feel special and loved and wanted and all those emotions at once.

I was in a very abusive relationship before and I never felt that way, I gave him 8 years of my life and I do not want that to happen again.

:( I guess you can call me crazy.

Answer 1

Why the rush to the altar? If you both love each other, why does it matter to be married? Take you time really getting to know him before you pressure him to marry him.

Answer 2

Well, the fact that he has an ex-wife illustrates that he is perfectly willing to marry somebody if he really, really wants to. If you guys met, and got close enough for you to move in, he couldn't be too terribly shy. Millions, if not billions, of people have been married over the course of thousands of years. Telling you he doesn't know how is a cop-out. I'm not sure what the real issue is, with the clues at hand, but I'd guess there's more to his reluctance than simply not having figured it out.
I'm not saying he doesn't love you. He may be very in love, but depending on his last marriage, he may be super paranoid. There may be a whole array of other possibilities. Maybe he's concerned about his financial situation. Maybe there are parental issues that you don't know about. Maybe he's happy enough having you in the house, but maybe he doesn't consider it a permanent thing. It's really hard to know.

You could do the same thing, and propose to him. I don't know if this would be the right solution, but it's definitely one possible solution. The thing is: do you really want to marry someone that didn't care enough to figure out a way to work up the nerve to ask? I'm mean, he could leave you a note on your hairbrush for crying out loud.

If you really want to do this, you could give him a ring, ask for a yes or no answer, and suggest a date. If he won't give you a date, and says, 'oh, I just think we should wait another year', then, it's the same as saying no. He might say the same thing next year, and the year after that. You should at least be able to pin down a month, and later you can zoom in on a day when you've compared everybody's schedules and talked to some churches.

If he says no, it may be heartbreaking, but at least you won't be using up any more time on someone that may not ever marry you. The question is, what if he sits on this fence for 5 years? Would you mind waiting that long, knowing he may not ever marry you? I know of half a dozen or more women that waited for years and years, and then, no marriage. How long are you prepared to wait? Who might you have met in the meantime, if you had been available?


Also, shy is one thing, but maybe he has other issues, like fear of commitment. I sure understand this, but if it's been a year and a half, he should know whether or not he is in love, or if he's just been kind of going with the flow. He's got an obligation to you not to waste your time if he doesn't have marriage intentions at this point.

I also agree w/ the other guy on one of the answers. Start sleeping in another room. Don't be mean or anything or say rude stuff, you could just tell him that you aren't comfortable giving yourself to someone like that, not knowing where you stand, and also, taking chances on pregnancy out of wedlock (there's always a chance, if you are depending on pills or contraceptives), and not knowing if your offspring would have 2 parents in the household.
You can reassure him that you love him, and that it will be business as usual upon marriage (not engagement. engagement is not the same as marriage.).

Trust me when I say, if he loves you, he will be understanding, and this will be perfectly ok. If he's got you there for one reason only, you'll find out real quick. If he gets bent out of shape, you'll know this is how he deals with it when you have a personal issue to resolve. Then, the question would be - is this what you want for the long haul? I'm not saying he's like this. I'm saying, IF he reacts that way, it will tell you something. If he reacts with peace, love, flowers, and sunshine, that will tell you something else, but it will be something good, and I'm guessing that a proposal won't be far behind.

good luck

Kevin

Answer 3

The keyword here is: someday

It sounds like he may love you but he may not be ready or afraid to get married again after his divorce.

His ex had to propose because she waited also and knew she would be waiting forever if she left it up to him.

He may be shy but I think this could be more about commitment phobia. A man can ask you to live with him and yes even marry you and still be afraid of real commitment and deep intimacy...hence cheating.

I suggest talking seriously to him about it. Ask him if he has any concerns and if so what they are. He knows you want to get married...if he also is sincere and really just doesn't no how to propose ( a bit immature)...throw out some ideas to him...wait a while...if he still doesn't propose...ask him!

Answer 4

U know we live in a liberal world - so nothing wrong in u proposing him instedt - he COULD be afr to get a "NO WAY" answer and that is the reason for not proposing u.
Tell him that u dont like this situation of not knowing if u have a future or not.
If he really loves u then he should be able to see the "omen written on the wall" - if not ----- well move on with ur life elsewhere.

Answer 5

You should suggest that both of you sit down and write down the reasons or fears that you may have about getting married. This might help tune you into his personal thoughts and fears! You will then know how to encourage him, and be able to discuss what you can do to relieve the stress. Don't be pushy..you will push him further away. Make sure you tell him the concerns that maybe were on your mind once before and what made you change those thoughts. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

Wow. Guys should propose before 18 months. Girls should not wait longer than that. But if your guy is REALLY having trouble, look for some magazine articles and lay them around (or just hand them to him). Also, consider having a good friend talk to him about what you might want. I think if he's been married before, he needs to do this for you and get over his shyness or he won't make a good husband for you. If he doesn't propose within a few months, it's time to start looking elsewhere.

Answer 7

Why buy the cow if the milk is for free. If you move in, there is no incentive to get married.

You both have been married and should know the drill by now. Talk to him honestly and directly, maybe he doesn't want to settle down. If he is a passive person he may have felt it was an "easier" for you to move in and keep things happy.

Good luck.

Answer 8

i'm sorry but what the hell is wrong with him that he is so damn shy in front of a person he has lived with and been in a romantic relationship with for over a year. this guy needs to grow some guts. but different strokes for different folks i guess. if you are okay with being married to a gutless excuse for a man, then you should propose to him. presumably he is not to shy to answer a question you ask him. and then you will have the answer -- yes or no.

if you would prefer to remain with a gutless excuse for a boyfriend even if he does not want to be your husband, then don't do a thing.

Answer 9

Marriage is supposed to be a life commitment. It takes alot of courage for some men to propose to a women. Especially since he has already been maried before. You can,t set a time limit for something like that is my belief. When he is ready I believe he will propose. I believe that is when he will mean it.

Answer 10

Perhaps he's not as eager to marry as he says he is. if you truly think the problem is that he has no idea how to propose, hand him a book or a magazine article that has step by step instructions. I personally think he's content with things just as they are, all the benefits of marriage with none of the legal obligations or complicatons. He lacks the courage to tell you this. How important is it to you to be married? If it is that important to you, you may have to say good-bye to this man. If you are content with the way things are and are will to accept him the way his is indefinitely, don't push him and continue to enjoy his company.