My step-daughter wants to live with us, what do I do?

Question

My stepdaughter is 10 and lives with her Mom. My Husband and I see her every other weekend. We live about 2 hours away. This past weekend we told her her Dad has a job interview in another state. (we would have better opportunities there) I have a 5 yr old girl and we had a baby 5 months ago. We didnt want her to feel left out because we would love to have primary custody of her, but always before when my husband would ask her where she wanted to live she would hesitate to say she wanted to stay w/her Mom. So he told her how the custody situation would work, most of the summer, every other spring break, and half of Xmas vacation with us. He told her that theres always a place for her at our house. She told him, "My Mom said if I wanted to live w/you, she would support me." Another thing my Husband and I are concerned about is, her mother is a pot smoker, cant keep a job, goes through bf's like underwear...etc. We talked to her Mom about custody and she said no way.

My step-daughter iis always sick and her Mom wont take her to the doctors because she cant pay half of the copay $5.00, she wont take her to the dentist or the eye doctor, and we only get her on the weekends. What do I do? My husband and her mother went to mediation and nothing came of that. My step daughter called her dad and wanted to know if things got situated because her mom told her the courts wouldnt let her go with her Dad, which is untrue. We've called CPS about her smoking pot, because she makes her daughter go outside while she smokes it, she drives around with her, and CPS wont do anything about it because she is not in any immediate danger! HELP!!!!!

Answer 1

perhaps you and your husband could sit down with the child and talk with her about her feelings... and your expectations of her if she would move in... rules, etc. i would make sure the child realizes she can't move back and forth, back and forth between households... sometimes kids think that they can just move back and forth, if they have a notion to do so.

if you both think she'd still like to stay, and it's agreed, you will likely have to take the legal steps to gain custody. many times a judge will speak with the child, depending upon the case.... i'd suggest retaining a lawyer who has experience in this field... and comes with references.

the child's mother will likely have to pay child support -- which means she'd have to get her life together and get a job... the child would, of course, have visitation, and it would be her mother's responsiblity to get her back and forth.

you don't have to have the mom agree about custody... the decision would be up to a judge....

if you feel the child would be better off in your home, and would fair well, by all means, try to work it out so you can take her in.

all the best!

Answer 2

You need to go back to court and I know you are probably tired of doing that by now but go and petition for custody of the child she is not in a safe situation and once he leaves the State it will be harder.

Request that the courts order a Urine test to make sure that the mother is not on drugs it will be done at the court house if the judge agrees and that will just about guarantee that you get custody of her, but if it shows that she does not smoke pot it will just prove her point and she will maintain custody of her.

If the mother is telling the Child that no way will she be living with her dad I really wouldn't expect to see her once you leave the State i know I am living that nightmare and she can break the court Order and nothing will be done unless you go back to the State the Order was issued in.

Answer 3

I would get an attorney involved it sounds like you and your husband want what is best for the child and that is what is important here. If she has said she would like to live with her dad then why can't the visitation agreements that she was going to have with him translate back to her mother. I would
talk to her mom about this explain to her that you may have a strong case of getting full custody of her if she is a drug user and is not taking care of her own child. That you and your husband/father would rather have a visitation schedule because you feel it would be wrong to take her biological mother away from her. Please work something out if the courts need to get involved so be it the child's best interest's must be heard and that means you must advocate for her and her wishes.!

Answer 4

I think you guys are stable enough and can offer her a better upbringing than her mother seems to. SHe is obviously a bit hesitant because she is torn between her mum and her dad, however she would probably benefit from having other siblings around, being a big sister etc and having a mother and father sort of relationship with you and her dad. Still think she should have as much access to her natural mother as possible, but I think you guys would be able to provide a good home life for her. Pot smoking and boyfirends is not a good example for 10 year olds.

Answer 5

KEEP CALLING CPS AND COMPLAINING,SHE IS ALSO OLD ENOUGH TO TELL A JUDGE WHO SHE WANTS TO LIVE WITH.ANOTHER SUGGESTION IS TO GET THE MOTHER TO LET HER COME STAY WITH YOUR FAMILY FOR THE SUMMER,TAKE HER TO THE DR.AND GET PROOF THAT THE CHILD IS SICK AND GO BACK TO CPS WITH THIS INFO,POSSIBLY WILL HAVE TO GO TO A SUPERVISOR,OF CPS WORKER,ALSO CPS NEEDS TO SHOW UP AT THE HOME OF THE MOTHER WHILE SHE IS SMOKING POT,OR CALL POLICE AND THAT WILL REALLY GET THE PROCESS GOING.GOOD LUCK REALLY SOUNDS LIKE THAT POOR CHILD NEEDS TO BE IN A LOVING,STABLE ENVIROMENT THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND CAN PROVIDE. A GOOD ATTORNEY WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO ALSO SEE IF THERE IS A NEIGHBOR WHO IS A WITNESS TO THE CHILD BEIG OUTSIDE WHILE THE MOTHER IS DOING POT OR WHATEVER ELSE SHE DOES AND MAKES THE CHILD GO OUTSIDE,THE MORE EVIDENCE YOU HAVE AGAINST THE MOTHER THE BETTER.

Answer 6

Although there is laws regarding age restirctions on having a voice in court, I do think your stepdaughter is old enough to have an opinion on where she wants to live. Talk to your attorney and he/she will most likely ask you bring in your step-daughter so that he/she may speak to her about her feelings and what she wants.

Answer 7

Get a good attorney. Then keep a record of every incident with dates, witnesses (sometimes the only witness will be the child). This child is asking for help and needs it now. Dont let her down.

Answer 8

Talk to an attorney who specializes in custody cases.

Answer 9

You need to worry about your husband and you. If she is unable to cope then I agree that you need to carry on and take care of your children. Try doing what you can but you have to draw the line. The husband of yours also needs care and so do your kids. Sorry but maybe its best you all move on and in time see what is best for that kid. its hard but I dont want to give the wrong advice but you need to see where your family is in about the next 10 years of time.

Answer 10

you need to get a lawyer before you leave the state and appeal for total custody