Techniques for a mother to punish girl daughter/teen when she talks back constantly?

Question

Techniques for mothers to punish girl daughters/teens when they talk back?
I need help- My daugher always talks back and tells me to shut up and how i am so annoying and she doesnt want to hear me talk... How do I really punish her so that she wont do it again? shes 16, almost 17... shes constantly on IM and is not talking to the best of kids i know... how do i prevent it? i need SERIOUS mother help! how do i make our relationship stronger/better/un-fightable! Thanks so much! I really appreciate it. =) I would choose a best answer ASAP! =)

FYI, I moved just for my daugher. I cater around to her EVERY need. I MOVED from virginia to florida so she can attend a tennis academy and an incredible expensive private school. i work night and day for her. PLEASE HELP ASAP!

Answer 1

In my opinion you should start a new era in dealing with her.
First you need to talk to her. Tell her what kind of behaviour you don't like and you don't want to accept any more. Tell her that you still love her and that you will punish her from now on whenever she talks back to you. Tell her the consequences too and finally give her the chance to say something to all of that.
Next step is that you have to be consistent and really punish her whenever it happens again. This will be kind of a fight at the beginning because she will test you. But if the punishment is unpleasant enough for her she will stop this behaviour soon I suppose.
As punishment I would suggest one slap in her face (immediately) and additionally take away one of her privilages for one week - like a part of her pc, a cable of her tv, ...
Be strong.

Answer 2

First, the computer/phone/TV everything goes. This includes use of the land line, EVERYTHING. I wouldn't take the iPod, but I wouldn't permit use of the computer for anything but recharging--and not even that sometimes. I don't care if she is paying for any of this stuff with her own money, so long as they are under your roof, you control them. Secondly, you write up clear expectations for what your daughter can do to earn privileges. And stick to them. Privileges should not be difficult to earn. But on the other hand so much as a single "shut up" or other disrespectful remark should take away everything for a minimum of 48 hours. Impose the penalty and walk away. Do not respond to her. It takes two to argue. It only takes one to pitch a fit.

I don't know how much time your daughter spends at home alone, but I would limit that even if you have to lock her out when you are not there. This is easier if you live where she can get herself to the library or a job when you are not home (on foot or on a bus--no car). Staying at home alone is a privilege she should have to earn.

Secondly, find a therapist for yourself, for her, and for both of you. I know that is easier said than done, but good therapists do exist. Ask around for recommendations. Work on building a good relationship with her. Also, consider the possibility that there are mental health issues hear. Depression is very common--short or long term use of anti-depressants could help you and/or her.

Finally, do things together without trying to be her friend. The most important thing in the world is to be able to laugh together. You know yourself and you know her. When have your best times together been? And no shopping until she has had a couple of really good weeks. Do something outdoorsy, or go to a play together. Or a funny movie. And then do it again. I don't care if she doesn't want to. You're the boss.

Finally, if she tries this behavior when she is 18 be prepared to show her the door. And make it clear you are doing this because you love her and loving her means you tell her what she needs to hear, not what she wants to hear. My 18 year old just spent a month away from home. She's a lot more compliant and agreeable now. Just never walk away. Make sure you say something kind to her every day even if she is not living with you. Know that you are in control of your world.

Never give up. And whatever you do, DO NOT seek your daughter's approval.

Answer 3

This is a tough one. Punishing a 16 year old is tricky, and to be honest, my daughter very rarely crossed the line at that age. However, we did limit computer time to only 1 hour a night on school nights, and only after homework was done and we did not allow a computer in her room, she had to use the family computer. The other hope is to use some kind of leverage for an important event for her. Driving, trips to the mall etc. Perhaps making them earned privileges - no respect and rude behaviour means no privileges. You may have already tried all this. I do believe that respect creates respect, so she should understand that when she is not nice to you, you won't necessarily be nice to her. I hope this helps a little. Teenagers can be very contrary and unpredictable, there is so much change at that age.

Answer 4

First, you have to make up your mind that initially this is going to be painful and difficult. Dealing with a teenage girl who's head strong is going to be a huge challenge, but you can handle this situation. Second, she's not going to like you, if fact she may say she hates you but know that she doesn't mean it. I promise you she doesn't.

Go to her room or the computer and unistall the im program, if its necessary take away her computer or change her password so that she can't log in until you allow her back in. If she can't talk to you respectfully, take away her priviledges, and it sounds like communicating and hanging out with friends should go first. Let her have a cool down period, if you try to talk to her while she's steaming mad, she won't respond well, none of us do. So let her have some time without im, without friends to influence her and give her the opportunity to think. And then maybe after a few days, talk to her. Tell her you love her but she's disrespectful. Ask her how she'd feel if you spoke to her the way she does to you. Tell her how she makes you feel, tell her what you need... and maybe you'll get her to open up to so she can let you know what she needs.

Mother/daughter relationships are tough. My mom and I had a rough go of it when I was a teenager. I wasn't horrible by any means, but I did give the "cold, dead stare" a few times and I did tell her I hated her, which I so didn't mean. Being a teenager is confusing and difficult. Remember how you felt as a blossoming young woman and try to relate to her and respect that sometimes you just can't but be there for her. She will appreciate you. Good luck!

Answer 5

It,s hard to know the right thing at the right time.But most important i think is to set her down and tell her how it is.
This is the behavior you display. This is how i feel about it ! This is the change i expect ! And these are the consequences for unchanged behavior! I.E. suspended cell phone service.no computer. no allowance.no driving privileges. no-----------(fill in the blank) I esp.like the suggestion about taking away the makeup ,LOL .
I tell my children that by law I'm only expected to feed ,clothe and shelter them, all those other things that are important to them are privileges they earn by following my rules. #1 of which is to treat me with respect.
I,d also suggest making a day (or few hours anyway) once a week to be together doing something. a movie ,a drive something. it wont be long till she,s gone off to make her own life.now is the time to build some trust and closeness.
When i was 16 my mom and i got into a fight in front of my friends.I called her a filthy name.instead of knocking my teeth out. like i was afraid she,d do ,she got this horrible hurt look on her face with tears in her eyes, and then walked away from me.We never spoke about this ever and there was this distance between us that neither of us could cross. both of us afraid to approach the other.She died when i was 20 and we had never restored our relationship as mother and daughter. It,s the biggest regret I have.
and for that reason i deal with these things immediatly with my kids .get the point across, get the punishment taken care of and restore the relationship. My kids think im tough but they also know i love them .there will always be fights ,I tell them (,"if you always liked my desisions it would be because I,m not doing my job right".)so dont despair. I,ll pray for you .
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Answer 6

Wow! You received a lot of responses to smack her! I would have done that too, before I learned this new technique....

1. State clearly that you will not put up with any disrespect or backtalk.
2. When she does, stop what you're doing and just look her in the eyes, not a death ray, but just a reminder look about no disrespect or backtalk. Don't say anything. Just hold her stare gently.
3. When you sense that you have gained the upper hand with your silence, ignore any requests she makes until she apologizes and/or obeys.
4. Disconnect the Computer and keep it disconnected until you conquer this behavior.
5. Refuse to yell back, just quietly let her know what you require of her, and no matter how negatively she responds, or if she flounces out of the room or house, when you get your chance...to that look into her eyes and say nothing until she apologizes.
6. It amazed me how quickly it worked!

Good luck!

Answer 7

My daughter who is 15 loves to use the "F" word! So for every time I catch her she looses her cell phone for a day!! I also sat her down and gave her a stern talk about having a disgusting mouth and what it sounds like to hear young girls swear. Smacking kids doesn't work. Rational decisions and following thru does. When your daughter is disrespectful, let her know that you're not happy about her choice and the next time she wants to use the computer to IM, it's gone for the day. After all, you are the adult. She is learning her parenting skills from you. Besides Mom, beligerent teens are normally wanting different attention. Ask her why she feels the need to talk to you like you don't exsist. The answer may surprise you.
I'm sure the first time you take away the computer privelage it won't be easy, just remember, don't give in, it may take a few times, but she'll get the message. Mine does!!

Answer 8

Being a 13 yr old myself, I know what makes me tick. Take away what she likes the most. Maybe you could make her wear ugly clothes and lock her clothes up. Tell her if she's going to treat you like crap she can look like crap. Sorry, for some people, smacking does work, but I know this girl in my school who did something really nasty. If your daughter is that mad at you she might do this: A girl in my school was very disrespectful to her mom and dad and they spanked her. She came to school the next day and told all her friends that her parents hit her. Then she went to the guidance office and told them and her parents were picked up by the police. She is staying w/her aunt now cause her parents are in jail. They will never be able to have a kid or have custody of a kid again because they spanked her and she did that. So to be safe, DON'T SPANK HER! Find other ways to make her respect you.

Answer 9

If she doesn't want to hear you talk, take away her cell phone (I'm sure she has one)...without a cell phone, I bet she'd be lost. Don't let her keep a computer in her room, either. Make sure the computer is in an area that you are constantly in, like the living room or the kitchen, so she is worried that you might look over her shoulder nad see what she is typing. You can also always ground her so she can't use the car! You have a lot of things that hse likes to use, but she can't pay for yet. Use those to your advantage.

Answer 10

I have a daughter this age and the very first thing to go when she mouths off is her IM. When I take away IM I also take away her phone privileges. If she continues, just keep taking things away - next is the car/driving, etc. It works wonders in my house. I don't ever ever give in either. Just so she knows that I mean business all the time. Plus, she also knows that I'm her greatest support system and that I'll always be in her corner as long as she tells the truth and does not injure my faith/trust in her. Start taking away the stuff that is a privilege to have and not a right. She'll learn. Good Luck

Answer 11

Almost 17? WOW! I'd smack my daughter right in the mouth as soon as back talk came out of her. But that's me.
I'm not a mean mom but kids these days run all over some parents only because parents did not put their foot down from the beginning. I only had to wack my son in the mouth once and he never tried talking back to me again. He is 12 now. My 14 year old daughter got her mouth smacked once just for saying "gee mom your really stupid" WACK!!
With teenage daughters it's hard when there is either no father or a father that doens't stand up for you.
In my case I'm a single mom of three.
Take everything away from her. Computer, TV, Stereo. What my cousin did to her daugher was she took the hair dryer, curling iron and all her makeup away. Her daugher didn't like going into High School like that so she shaped up quick.