Techniques for mothers to punish girl daughters/teens when they talk back?

Question

I need help- My daugher always talks back and tells me to shut up and how i am so annoying and she doesnt want to hear me talk... How do I really punish her so that she wont do it again? shes 16, almost 17... shes constantly on IM and is not talking to the best of kids i know... how do i prevent it? i need SERIOUS mother help! how do i make our relationship stronger/better/un-fightable! Thanks so much! I really appreciate it. =) I would choose a best answer ASAP! =)

Answer 1

I am going to tell you honestly, I am not a mother but I am a daughter :) I am now 21, almost 22 and this does not sound to unlike my relationship with my mother when I was that age. I really do believe it is a phase. My mother and I used to get in fights that would rival WWII. There really is nothing short of giving her everything she wants in the world that will turn her back into your "sweet little girl" and that is never a solution. She WILL grow out of this but it may take a few more years. When I was 19 almost 20 I woke up one day, drove over to my Moms house, gave her a big hug and apologised for being such a s**t for so many years. The day will come. My Mother and I are now very close again.

As for good methods of punishment when she gets way to out of control some things that come to mind are...

-You said she IM's a lot... Hide the mouse or even the key board.

-If she watches a lot of TV take the batteries out of all the remotes. Hide the cable box.

-Hide her makeup bag, curling iron or flat iron. I am sure a 17 year lod girl would really hate that one.

-I don't know if she drives or not but take her keys or dis connect the starter in her car if she is the type to fight, storm out and drive away. (I know that is my little brothers favorite move to pull with my parents right now) I gave my step dad that idea and it works like a charm :)

-Take and hide the SIM card out of her cell phone. If it is one of the phones that doesn't have a SIM, hide the charger.

Really the best way to get back at her is instead of "grounding" her wich at least to me meant nothing, screw with her a little that will get her attention. Try it, it works! Trust me as of right now there is nothing you can do to change her attitude, you just have to ride out the storm. She will come around in a couple of years.

Best of luck to you. And no matter what she says, she loves you just as much as she ever did. You are still her mommy and every girl needs her mommy :)

Answer 2

You may be the mom. But it sounds like she is. Just because she's 16, almost 17 is no reason for her being disrespectful. In fact if she's able to speak to you that way, it may be too late. A child must know the consequences to be rude and disrespectful. Perhaps you've never been stern enough. You need to be strong now, and cut off the liberties that you allow her to have. Starting with being on IM constantly. Who's the parent here? Who pays the bills
Stop coddling her. The very first time she showed disrespect, she would have tasted the unpleasantness of a bar of soap! Archaic? NO, REALISTIC!

Answer 3

Hmm. Maybe sit down with her (if that's at all possible at this point) when you think she's in a good mood to sit and listen to. Tell her you want her to start acting like an adult if she wants to be treated like an adult. Tell her you love her and always will and will be there emotionally for her in anything she needs but that it's time she start taking on responsibility if she wants to be treated like an adult. If she starts getting mean or snippy to you, just start acting cold with her. Be indifferent to her mood swings and her calling you names. You have other friends and family and you don't need to use her as your friend. If she wants to be bratty this year, start working on your relationship with other women in your life. She can always come to you when she needs (work on just listening to her, not commenting or judging her life, just ask her questions about how she feels about things).

If she keeps antagonizing you anyways or calls you a name or refuses to do something you have already decided is her responsibility, start taking things away. You can get her a prepaid cell phone that will only make local calls (I believe) so she can have that on her for emergencies but take away all the photo/IM/text messaging capabilities. Cancel your internet service if necessary, or remove the computer entirely. Take away her driver's license. All of this may result in her going over to friends' houses more often, or it may same like you are pushing her away. But at this point you really need to. When she is an adult you can work on a better relationship. If she has to go out without all the nice things you provide and see how her friends live she will realize how nice she has it. She will see other families where the rules are more strict and where kids really don't talk back to their parents. Just some ideas.

Answer 4

Well have you tried restricting her? Take the computer away when she won't listen and keeps IMing her friends. Does she have her own cell phone? Take that too if necessary. She sounds like she's spoiled to me. My daughter is now a grown woman off on her own but even as a teen we didn't have problems. She was taught from a very young age what was and wasn't acceptable behavior. I was a single Mom to 2 when both my children were young (until the youngest was 17) and had to make sure they knew who was boss. I got nothing but respect from them. Not saying there weren't bad days but they knew the limits. Your daughter is a young adult that will soon be off on her own, have you tried setting her down and talking to her like one and telling her how you feel and what you will not tolerate? Tell her what you expect from her and what the repercussions will be when she messes up and follow through with them. If that means taking her PC (at least the cables that make it work) or phone and locking them in the trunk of your car when your not home then do it (I did it once and it only took the one time). You have to show her your the authority in the house in order for her to respect you and do what she needs to do.
GOOD LUCK.

Answer 5

I don't condone physical punishment, however, when I was a teenager (I'm 29 now), I started to rebel and the first time I told my mother to shut up, she slapped me in the face. Of course, I was very upset that she did that, but I NEVER talked back to her again. If that isn't something you're comfortable doing, I would take away ALL of her priveleges when she is rude to you. No drivers license, no telephone, no tv, computer, whatever it takes. She needs to know that you are the parent and if she's living under your roof and spending your money, etc., she needs to respect you, no matter what. Hopefully that'll work quickly, and then you can start a better relationship on a better foot.

Answer 6

Does she have a cell phone? If so, take it from her. If she continues her behavior, disconnect the service. It may cost a little, but it'll teach her. Put a password on the computer so she can't use it. My son is so disrespectful towards me. He's 18 and I'm about ready to kick him out for things he's doing. He's called me every name in the book. I honestly don't know how to make the relationship better because it seems like the more we try, the more they disrespect us. And I'm not just talking about mouthing off with my son. I'm talking about the safety of my family and his life. I've asked a question about my son on here before and some answers were just to let go of the string. When it's your own child's safety you're dealing with, you'll do just about anything to save them. I wish you luck, because I can definitely relate to you.

Answer 7

How about cutting of her Internet service for about a month, you still allow her privileges don't you.. It doesn't sound to me like she deserves it.. Does she drive? Take away her car keys. Does she have an Ipod or cell phone? Unless she paid or is paying for these things.. you still have the right to disconnect all of her privileges..
have a sit down heart to heart talk and try listening and finding out what all the attitude and talking back is really about? If it doesn't work than its time to start limiting her privileges..

Answer 8

My first question would be how long has this been going on? You need to find out is something going on in her life that has brought this behavior on, or has she always been like this. If this is something new, then just talk to her and let her know you don't appreciate this behavior, and that she is a child who has to respect you has a parent. If things don't improve, you need to take away her privileges, no phone no im, no nothing! And stick to your guns!

Answer 9

well to me she is unappreciative. Me I would just take things away such as name brand clothes computer,If she have a job I would take money until she start to realize how much you have done for her. I am from a black cultural so I would smack her everytime she told me shut up. You need to let her know who is boss and she cant handle it she needs to live somewhere else that is your house she needs to respect you. If you neeed to clean out the entire room so be it . But until she is out on her own she needs to followthe rules and respect you.

Answer 10

shes a teen, shes going to rebel, I dont have teens of my own but i used to be one. You can warn her about the kids she hangs out with, and be there for her when they do let her down/get her into trouble.