This neighbor has gone the extra mile to pester the life out of me since I moved in. They have no life of their own, and all the neighbors know it, so they insist on all the neighbors attending these get togethers they invent. If you do not, they politely badmouth us (ex: I dont' know why they won't participate...they don't seem to want to be a part of the community....I think something is wrong with them....I don't know why they must not like us...) It can never just be that we are just their neighbor and don't really want to hang out. Just because we bought a beautiful home, in what we thought was a quiet neighborhood, and want to just wave "h"i in passing like most neighborhoods--something must be wrong with us. How do you deal with a control freak nosey parker like this?
2007-03-21 06:09:43 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
The other neighbors don't mind "playing the game" because they feel sorry for this person. I feel the neighbor is not my responsibility to entertain, nor do I have to entertain the neighborhood. I just don't know how to keep on a friendly basis, but put a halt to the continual insisting on attending these (affairs).
2007-03-21 06:32:07 · update #1
There is nothing wrong in saying, "we're very busy with work and our personal interests, so really don't have any time on our social calendar." If they don't like the answer, it's their problem, not yours.
2007-03-21 06:49:13 · answer #1 · answered by mlprocin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ugh! My mother and her friends do this to all the new neighbors who move in. I continue to remind them that the new neighbors have their own lives, families, friends, work, etc., and probably don't have space and time in their lives to fully adopt a whole neighborhood of people who will inevitably pressure them to host neighborhood-wide events.
I agree with the posters who say, "don't worry about what they say about you." Just politely RSVP in the negative, and continue to do so, and keep your own counsel on the matter. Try not to talk to other neighbors about these pests' behavior, and that will help you avoid a war. Find some neutral way of simply expressing that you cannot come, or that you really enjoy relaxing in the privacy of your home, because work is stressful, whatever. Don't let anyone bait you, and don't make up excuses or get into debates over the matter. It's simply not worth it.
And, yes; the people in my parents' neighborhood call in citations and such on each other when they don't get along. You reeeeeally don't want that to start happening.
This is why I picked a very reclusive set of people to live among. : - D
2007-03-21 16:13:00 · answer #2 · answered by rhetorica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a life, they dont. It's not your fault or your responsiblity. They don't know what responsibilities you have with work/school, family, health. Even if you don't have a large amount on your plate, if you own a home I'm sure you have a nice job. When you get off work you are entitled to come home and do nothing if you feel like it. . Not attending these stupid get togethers does not constitute doing harm to the community. When you do pass by your other neighboors, say hi and bring up what a full plate you have with your life. It'll get them to see why you aren't around.
As for the guy arranging these functions, make a point to come to his next shindig and pull him aside and confront him about it. He can't behave irrately because he's infront of his "beloved community". Let him know you are not a people person (even if you are he doesnt need to know) and you have a full plate and just want to relax on your off days. And tell him if he continues to make you feel uncomfortable by slandering you (which is illegal), you will take appropriate action.
Hope this helps.
2007-03-22 11:44:41 · answer #3 · answered by xtraluvly03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time you get invited and you decline, take them aside and say something like "You know, I really hope you don't get offended when I can't come to your get togethers. I have other obligations that keep me very busy and frankly sometimes I just want to relax and have some 'me time'. I'm sure you understand but I just wanted to make sure you don't take it personal."
If after that, they still badmouth you just ignore it. As you said, the relationship you're seeking out from these people is a very casual and on-the-surface hi/bye type of relationship so if they talk bad about you, who cares? You don't want to be best friends with them anyway and if they can't understand that you can't or don't want to attend every event well that's their problem. Just continue being civil with them, if you are nasty in return then you will be sinking to their level. If they keep badmouthing you and you're still polite, they will look like the bad guy.
2007-03-21 14:55:17 · answer #4 · answered by Vivita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting how the other neighbors say they are just going to the affairs to pacify this one neighbor. Seems to me like they all wouldn't do that just to shut him up...at least not all the time. You aren't going to like this but hey...here goes...part of what is wrong with this country today is we have become distant. Much of this country was built on neighborhoods and that meant neighbors knew one another...helped one another looked out for each others property when one of them wasn't home and I could go on and on. When I grew up I knew almost every family within several streets of one another and played with kids from all over the place. Yeah we had our problems from time to time but thats part of what society needs......to be able to work things out on a small scale like a neighborhood. And I will admit, there were people that weren't as well liked as others. Remember a neighbor hood is a society only in miniature, so that we only mature as a people when we interact with others and not be secluded. So what am I saying here. I think you should participate from time to time so that you become a part of the fabric of the community and not just physically live there. Now, I am not sayihg you need go to every affair but what does it really hurt for you to go sometimes and interact with the neighbors you like. Its about tolerance and yes alittle about playing the game for the bigger benefit. Besides if you went to these thing sometimes you might find people you acutally like and become close to them....thats not a bad thing. ......Good Luck!
2007-03-21 15:07:44 · answer #5 · answered by chcman74 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try this one:
When you hear them politely badmouthing you (as if there was such a thing), just walk up to them and address each sentence they put out there ("I have no time to participate...I am a part of the community, just not in ways you would consider the most prominent...If something was wrong with me, I'd tell you...I'd like to come to like you, but the tactics you have chosen will drive a person like me away...). They'll realize that everythong isn't for everyone, and one single approach doesn't work all the time.
2007-03-21 14:00:58 · answer #6 · answered by Black Angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I never talked to my neighbors either -- but I didn't have any like yours lol -- I would attend once in awhile when your not busy to be nice for an hour -- but make sure they know how busy you are and that you hate to miss those things all the time but you have too. If you really don't want to do the pop in and out thing then just tell them its not that you don't like them or the neighborhood you just aren't into a social gatherings -- who cares what they say.
2007-03-21 13:34:14 · answer #7 · answered by Okaydokay21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them you are very busy and have not got time to participate. Don't worry about what anyone says, this neighbour doesn't worry about how they seem. Just because you live there they don't have the right to organise your life and you don't have to be there entertainment. If they get too persistent, just tell them you are not interested at all in that, and you would rather do things you with your own friends. Tough if they don't like it, it's your life.!!!
2007-03-21 13:28:04 · answer #8 · answered by chez006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are an adult.
Simply state, that you have "other things to do that dont involve them."
Have a dinner party of your own, dont invite said neighbor or others , and if they show up at the door, block it firmly,and point out that you are having a close tete a tete with "Friends" and you will talk to them later. Then lock the door behind you.
Why should you care? If anyone else says anything say... well at least I have a mind of my own." Tell them you figure they can be one of the herd if they want... and baa at them jokingly.
2007-03-21 15:00:40 · answer #9 · answered by Sionainn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to be manipulated by others. In most cases people just want to impose their view and their lifestyle on others. The dominant views and practices are often followed. However, I believe in such values such as privacy , personal space, and freedom. If I were you I will maintain my friendly greetings but however I will continue living my life. If you don't want to participate in any social even then do as you like. But yes you could be subjected to their criticisms however, just ignore them.
2007-03-21 13:34:00 · answer #10 · answered by rin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't worry about what other people think! If they don't understand that you want to lead a quiet life then they don't sound like good neighbours. It's hard to ignore the comments people say about you but keep at it and they will soon find someone else to have a good long moan about!
2007-03-21 13:16:22 · answer #11 · answered by bbgun 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋