I have a 15 yr old daughter that lives with family. We have an estranged relationship right now . We were once really close, we would literally share everything. I was always honest with her about who I was and who I am.
4 yrs ago she told me her step-father was abusing her, so putting my life on the line I did what a parent is suppose to do. I turned him in and we got out. A very long story anyway, now she doesn't communicate with me as often as I would like, if any at all.
How do I begin to rebuild my relationship with her? She has told me she doesn't need or wants me me to be her mom but her friend. I know she has a good "mom" in my place for now , but how do I just be her friend ?
2007-03-21 05:55:59 · 9 answers · asked by Cajun_ Creater 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Start off slow be a friend to her let her know your there but be careful not to come on to strong. She just got over with the father thing so she may be sceptical and scared, for all you know she is still scared over the whole problem because if a father figure turns on you it can scar you for a good amount of time and the whole trust thing can be broken. Go slow let her know you love her and let her know you'd do anything for her, if you want try going on a shopping spree. And in time your relationship will grow. Good luck.
2007-03-21 06:04:42 · answer #1 · answered by Vash 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
when you figure out how to be a friend , you then need to find out what is making her so mad, but try not to be to intrusive when talking to her. if she tells you what's going on in a way you do not understand ask her to explain it for you , from what you said she does sound dumb just confused and needs some one who's willing to listen to what she has to say.once you completely understand what she's saying only then can progress be made. i'm not a mom but a dad who's entire teen years were mixed with family problems and family members passing away , now my relationship with my kids is on the rocks because i lost all the elders in my family and had no real forum of family to talk to growing up. this may sound like a bunch babble but do not let the relationship between you and your daughter fall apart because if it does, not only will you lose her as a friend you will make it that much harder for her to grow up knowing she may never be able to make any relationship work and she will be hard on herself and every one else around her. please take your time and be carefull of what you say and how you say it . !!!!!
2007-03-21 13:31:40 · answer #2 · answered by mac227@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to exercise an important aspect of love: letting go. Usually, teenage kids go through this time of puberty, which marks the period of seeking a separate identity from others, even from their parents. It is only natural that parents and kids struggle with each other to finally grow in understanding of love.
Love does not share everything, it allows grace to come into life as we know it. When you know that you cannot controll everything in your daughter's life, certain fear sets in; the fear of losing her or the fear of her getting hurt. Yet, you need to trust that there is grace in the world, much bigger force of goodness that guides people's lives, just as your life was lead to this point. That is when the love takes a new form in letting go: of your fear, and of your loved ones, trusting and believing that they will turn out well. I am not saying that you must let her live on her own, but emotionally you should give her a mysterious room to grow on her own. Yet, you are her mother, who will continuously advice and sometimes firmly discipline her, when necessary. I believe this is what love is all about.
2007-03-21 13:17:17 · answer #3 · answered by dansdna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being ur daughter's friend is going to be hard considering u are her mother. I understand she has a motherly figure where is now, but maybe you should try to work on the mother -daughter relationship you SHOULD have instead of settling for friendship. is there a reason she doesn't want you to be her mom? sounds like you did the right thing for her by turning in ur (ex)husband and getting her out of there. maybe counseling will help.
2007-03-21 13:31:53 · answer #4 · answered by SWTCHKS925 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I AM TERRIBLY SORRY THAT THIS HAPPENED TO YOUR DAUGHTER, THIS SAME THING HAPPENED TO A VERY CLOSE FRIEND OF MINE AND HER DAUGHTER DOES NOT TALK TO HER AT ALL, SO THE BEST THAT I CAN SAY IS, 1: GET SOME COUNSELING, THERE ARE PLENTY OF PLACES ON THE INTERNET TO GET FREE COUNSELING. 2: TRY TO TALK TO HER AND DO SOMETHING THAT SHE LIKES TO DO OR EVEN BETTER . TAKE A VACATION WHERE NOBODY KNOWS YOU BUT YOU HAVE THE TIME TO GETHER TO REBUILD AND HAVE SOME FUN I AM SURE THERE WAS SOMEPLACE THAT THE TWO OF YOU WANTED TO GO AT SOMETIME IN YOUR LIFE. 3: JUST PRAY AND BE THERE FOR HER. AND FOR THE LAST "MAKE SURE THAT SHE REALIZES THAT THIS WAS NOT HER FAULT"
2007-03-21 13:20:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If being her friend will get her to open up to you, perhaps it
is the first step in re-establishing your relationship with her...
Guidance through counseling may be another option, but I feel
communication with her will be first and foremost
2007-03-21 13:03:55 · answer #6 · answered by RiverRat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Therapy....Therapy....Therapy....you need someone to intervene in this situation and help the both of you to be express and sort out this stuff. That is the only advice you should be receiving here. Good Luck and God Bless!
2007-03-21 13:09:36 · answer #7 · answered by ransdoll90 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
is this a fairly recent thing, or has it been going on for quite sometime? If it's recent it's just called being a teenager, she's exploring independence, she'll get out of it soon.
If it's been going on for quite sometime, bring her in for family counseling
2007-03-21 13:10:48 · answer #8 · answered by christigmc 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell her you're her mother and being a mother comes before being her friend.
2007-03-21 13:16:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋