Has any parent ever felt this way?

Question

I know this sounds bad but if I could take back the decision to have my second child ( children) it was twins I would. I have really been trying to accept and get use to the changes in the family. My 1 st child loves his sibilings, I have support from my family ( babysitting so me and my husband can spend time 2 gather), and the like. But just thinking about the increased resposibilty and tjr like terrifies me, I had nine months to prepare during my pregnancey I was positive and upbeat, looking forward to the challenge, I just knew when I held them that all my fears would melt away, but that haven't just intensified. I really love my son , and have enjoyed being a parent, so these feelings about the other children are just taking me off-guard. Sometimes I wonder how I would feel if I didn't become pregnant in the first place. I didn't have these feelings when my son was born. I am also thinking about the things that I could be doing now if i didn;t have the kids ex. travel a little m

Answer 1

You need to talk to your doctor about the possibility of post-partum depression. You didn't mention how long ago you had the twins, but ppd can manifest almost anytime during the first months to a year post partum. What you are describing COULD fall into that category and be fully treatable.

Answer 2

The first thing you need to do is NOT feel guilty for feeling this way. It is very normal for alot of women. You've got a ton of stress on you at this time in your life....all at once. Your hormones are probably all "out of whack" and there is no telling what your sleep patterns are right now with small twins. Give yourself an emotional break. Don't be too hard on yourself.

You may want to check with a doctor and see if they can put you on something that will help stabilize you. There is nothing wrong with this.

If you don't want to go that route, then let some things go around the house. Don't try to be super mom or anything. Relax as much as possible. If the kids happen to sleep at the same time, then don't you dare go wash a load of dishes. Take a break!

As the kids become more independent you will have more time to yourself. In fact, when they get older they will probably be a joy to you in many ways. Right now you are just extremely overwhelmed. And that is understandable.

Don't forget to take care of yourself. If it simply means taking a long hot shower or bath with some new bath gel and then applying great smelling lotion afterwards. Just don't forget to slow down every once in a while and tend to YOUR needs. Otherwise you'll not be much good to any of your 3 kids. They need a mom that is well rested and sure of herself. Not one that is tired, hungry, and fit to be tied!

Good luck.

Answer 3

My second and third child, both girls, were close together. I was pretty good during the pregnancy. Tried to keep up beat. And my 1st daughter was such a dream child. Very easy to parent. When I had the 2nd daughter, it didn't feel the same. 2 children in diapers at the same time didn't help either. I don't think there is anything "wrong". But you might want to seek counseling. Sounds a little like post partum depression. Talking to someone who is non-judgmental would help. You might find the feelings you are having are not so much about the children. The counselor should be able to help you cope. Also know that you are probably adding to the problem by feeling guilty. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I noticed you didn't say that you didn't love your twins so I assume that you do. Having children is a totally complete sacrifice, and its natural in my opinion to sometimes miss the things that we can no long do. That is what makes a good parent though, giving up those things for our children. Even with the support of your family having twins and another small child you must feel overwhelmed. I can remember a time when I only had my first that I was convinced that someone had made a huge mistake in letting me have a baby. I convinced myself that I was not mother material. And as terrible as it sounds at that moment in time adoption was looking pretty good. But you know what? I made it through it, all the self doubts and the highs and lows of having a child. You will too. Give it time and when you look into their eyes see the love they have for you. Good luck, Ohhhh those things you could be doing? You still can, maybe not right now, but in the future you can, remember that they will grow up and you will be able to do all the things you wanted to do then.

Answer 5

Of course! It's overwhelming. I'd doubt any parent who claims not to have had that thought. Hopefully, it passes. Getting a break will help. Calling in your support system will help. Talking to someone about it will help (friends, web strangers, store clerks, and professionals). Other things that help include antidepressants, sunshine, exercise, sleep, a good meal, and connecting with your partner. And believe it or not, _forcing_ yourself to list all the parts of this you are greatful for will help. "Fake it 'til you make it" does have some value. Now pick up those three kids and tell them how glad you are to have them. And if this feeling lasts more than 2 weeks (which will feel like a lifetime) go to your doctor. And call a help line. It may help, and at worst, it will help their stats and keep them open for people who really need it.

Answer 6

Well it is actualy pretty normal to feel this way, I had exactly the same problem when I had my second child, actualy it was such a problem that I couldn't even seem to bond with her for quite a long time...it's hard, and it's scary, and depressing...which is the main cause for it, the depression...but beleive me it does get better...it actualy got so much better that I had decided to have a 3rd...don't feel bad about this...just work on ways to enjoy your time with the kids...it wont last forever... This is something that will take time...after all children are a life changing experiance. hang in there your doing great.

Answer 7

Sounds as if you might be a little PPD. It is normal and recognising it is a great start. Talk with a doctor about your feelings, they might want to prescribe medication for you and should suggest for you to see a therapist.

Try not to feel guilty while you are working this out. Your body is going through a normal change after giving birth.

Good luck

Answer 8

I suspect this is normal...
If I were you, I would suck it up until they are about 4..
Then start taking vacations with the family. Like cruise vacations. You can fit everyone into one room, and they have kids programs, that can allow you and your husband, to have yourself some time alone.

Use this time, to get a sitter so you can go out with your husband, or with friends one night every weekend.

You didnt say how old your kids were.. start teaching them manners when going out to dinner.
I would take my kids to dinner just me and them, and they developed great dinnertime manners, and now that my kids are older after making a habit of it, they are great conversationalist (oh and can use chopsticks, I might add)

I think you need to bring them into your fun, and by taking them out they are learning and you are getting to know who they are, and still having fun with kids.

If they are babies... play with them, and enjoy their existance. Just get the heck out of the house on a weekend evening.