How do I tell my family this?

Question

I've always felt like my family has been ganging up on me. But it's gotten really bad lately. I feel like that mostly because I made decisions and wanted to do things that they didn't approve of. It's not like I did drugs or choose a risque career. My brother's Mock Trial team just made it to state this year and now I'm getting the constant, "that's what you should've done". I choose marching band in high school and my parents pulled me out after 2 years because they didn't like the teacher. My brother joined ROTC and is currently an Ensign in high school, I joined a rock band and competed in talent shows.
Plus I caught my brother looking at stuff he shouldn't be looking at last year and he got off with a slap on the wrist. When my parents found out I had an eating disorder in high schooI got scolded heavily.
I really just want my family to know how I feel. My brother has constantly been telling me that I fail in everything I do and that I'll fail in everything and my parents

just brush it off.
whenever I try to explain how I fell my parents treat it like I'm doing the whole you love him more than me thing, like when you say when you're 5.
What should I tell me parents?

My brother's younger, not older.
My parents are immigrants.
The whole rock badn thing was just a temporary high school thing but it still gets rubbed in my face.
i just want my parents to be proud of what I have accomplished, not what I haven't. I wrote a lot of poetry and did a lot of art in high school but it was always brushed aside because I always felt like my parents didn't feel it was worthwhile.

Side note: My brother does come to my defense sometimes but not always.

Answer 1

You really have to call for a family meeting and explain beforehand that there are certain things bothering you, to please listen to what you have to say before making any comments, and tell them how you feel. If they make their usual degrading/humiliating/insulting comments, explain that this is exactly what is going to push you away from the family.

I was in a similar situation with my family. Eventually, I have pretty much detached myself from family gatherings, holiday gatherings, etc. They ask why, and I haven't quite been honest, but one day I will do exactly what I am advising you above, sit them down and explain things. I know they are proud of me because I have really turned the tables as far as their expectations of me, I just couldn't let them be right!

Answer 2

I also went through similar things with my parents..and to this day, my sister and I are still very different, but both successful and both have children of our own. She and I have had conversations recently regarding raising our children and it was brought up that you CANNOT raise a child out of a mold. As a good parent, you have to be able to see your childs talents and personality as individual and encourage them and most of all support them. Don't let them make you feel insecure to be who you are...or make you uncomfortable in your own skin just because it's different to them! Be strong and tell them in a confident manner how you feel and that while you appreciate them trying to support you that there are simply some things in life that you have to learn on your own! They will probably tell you they think you are making a mistake or are trying to prevent you from making a mistake...if so, tell them, some of the greatest lessons we learn in life are from some of the biggest mistakes we've made. You WILL make mistakes along the way, but you must remember that EVERYONE makes mistakes...it's what you do afterward that counts! Confucius once said: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
Ask them if they think they've done a good job raising you and teaching you....and I'm sure they'll say yes...then say then, now is your opportunity to sit back and enjoy watching me utilize these life lessons and I think you'll be proud of what you see....even if it is not what you would have done! They should be proud that have a child so unique....you are an indivual!! Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

This is very sad. You should approach the family collectively and have a family meeting. It is very important that you do this, because if you do not let them know how you feel, the mistreatment will continue. When you talk to them, be calm---Not Explosive, no matter how angry or sad you are---because you are likely to get a better response if you speak calmly and rationally, k. Tell them that the way they treat you is not constructive at all, but is only detremental to your stability, family, and social life.

Parents, especially should know better than to scold their child in such a belittling manner!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

The way you explained it here sounded pretty good to me. I know parents can be that way, my Mom use to always compare my younger sister and I, she was never "as good". I always felt so sorry for her. I as a parent don't understand how another parent could do that, it's so cruel. If your parents don't want to listen to you try suggesting counseling, a counselor could help explain things to your parents and brother. He's not helping the situation at all, he should be urging your parents not to compare the two of you.

Answer 5

Well, your situation is a classical family lamb. You are the lamb that is constantly sacrificed for the things you did do and didn't do. It's a classical situation because every family has a sacrificial lamb to blame everything on. You need to have heart and take courage and know that you are NOT to be blamed for everything. I don't know how I can convince you to do this, but you must make your stance. Otherwise, they will eat you alive for the rest of your life. You must fight righteously and wisely with the people, even your parents, who try to blame their fault and guilty feelings on you.

If you are in the late teen, I would like to ask you to read Scott Peck's the Road Less Travelled. Scott has been in your situation for a long time, and once he was hospitalized for resisting his parents' decision as a mental patient. But he had to fight all throughout his life in order to be himself. I think you need to make a firm stance for yourself.

Answer 6

Perhaps the problem is not yours.... perhaps parenting a
sibling requires a certain understanding that your parents do not have and are not aware of.... They have to allow you to
blossom in your own right and not attempt to mold you after
your brother or other ideas that they may attempt to force you
into accepting... Pursue your ideals and feel good about yourself first and if you choose to be a Rocker so be it....
Good luck...Head up...

Answer 7

Boy, do I know about this. My mother never let me be, and my father was always away. Fun. You should go ahead and tell them, if anything it helps you reafirm who YOU are. They may not like it, too bad.
I'm a wildlife rehabber in MD and my family thinks accounting would be better suited as it "pays more"! DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND THE REST WILL FALL INTO PLACE, BUT NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM!!!

Answer 8

Just push them to the side for now because they'll understand you later in life. They'll get to know you later down the line its OK it happens so dont worry their just late bloomers to get along with you and realize what they missed out on

Answer 9

i say come straight out and tell them how your feel. if the do not respond in a concerned way. just get the hell out of there and get them out of your life as soon as possible. i had to do the same thing.
and now i am more succesful than my two sisters and my parent sare very proud of me and they now tell my sisters to do what i am doing.

Answer 10

they are puttin you down all the time... you need to sit your parents down and talk to them about the problem... if they will not listen or they simply wont hear it... dont take that as their answer, you tell them that you got sumthing to say and i want you to hear it... Firmly... not little and meak! You parents must be stuborn... its ok you'll find a way