serious question...?

Question

I don't want to come across as sarcastic in any kind of way but here's my question. If someone hasn't really been a practicing Christian for most of their life and then one day prays so hard and feels God speak to them and they ask for forgiveness for things they have done to their spouse and God gives them forgiveness is it wrong for the spouse to still have resentment for the things they were put through? Is the spouse who was physically abused wrong for not giving that person forgiveness like God did? And also if the same born again person wants to make God a more active part of his life does that mean he should not feel any guilt for what he has done? Say the spouse is now being preached to by the person and being told repeatedly that if they just accept God (which they already have) they will be able to completely "get over" the things that have caused such hurt but they don't feel in their heart that things will truly change for the better, can God make me get over my feelings.

thanks for reading the question stephun...yeah i totally said i cheated on my husband...nice advice

yes brian...you told me i can just move on if i just accept God..that IS what you said

you all have the wrong idea....I was not the one beating on my husband OK???????

Answer 1

Forgive him but leave him. Once a man no matter is faith or how much he believes in God hits you he will continue to hit you. Each time he will ask God and you for forgiveness. It is easy to forgive but one should never forget.

Personally I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years before I got out. Each time he would hit me he would say he was sorry. After being thrown into ways, being kicked in the back, punched, slapped, and had my thumb dislocated I finally had enough when he hit me while I was pregnant in front of our 3 year old son. It would take him 2 years in court till he would finally sign the divorce papers, as his final form of control. It is now 5 years later and I am happier than I have ever been. I am married to a wonderful man that treats me like a queen.

Do what you know is best for you. I would tell you that he may stop being abusive but not with you but for the next woman. BE strong and God will guide you.

Answer 2

In theory God can help you get over the feeling you have, but that does not mean that it will be immediate. There is no magic prayer that I am aware of that will make hurt just go away. A person who commits a wrong against another can be forgive by God, there is no question about that. This does not mean that the person no longer has to experience the consequences of those actions. A theif may regret and repent his theft but that does not mean that he did not do it and that he should no longer go to jail for it. God forgives the sin and expunges it from the soul, he does not make it so that you no longer have to face the results of your sins. And in this case the abused spouse has every right to still feel wronged. The simple fact is that any person can say anything they want. There is nothing stopping the abuser from saying that they have changed and everything will be great from now on. That does not make it true. Only time and action will tell whether there is truth in what they say or not. The abused spouse would be fully justified in leaving the abuser or in remaining skeptical of the abuser for a long time to come. I think that if the abused spouse really believes that the abuser has changed then they can forgive, that does not mean that they should forget. I really hope this helps.

Answer 3

The problem with forgiveness is that it is a healing process, not a curing process. There are always scars left from the original damage. We should always be willing to forgive but forgetting is not only hard but unwise. Our past is part of us. Our experience teaches us how to be better, more caring (and careful) people.

God forgives anyone who sincerely asks. But then, one can't actually hurt God. An injured person needs some proof of remorse and resolve, some gesture of compensation. A person who asks for forgiveness and then goes on as if nothing had ever happened hasn't so much changed heart as escaped responsibility. One needs to set things right, for the victim and for oneself.

One can't always turn the clock back. The road to reconciliation isn't always straight. It takes creative thought and action to restore full function to a damaged relationship. Healing means reaching forward in tentative trust, taking a risk that needs all the reassurance it can get. The parties can never feel perfectly comfortable again because they know what the injurer is capable of. But if the injurer has taken responsibility for their actions and shown it by their actions, the burden of the past should be eased.

God calls us to love, but also to justice. A victim has to look into their own heart to decide where the line is between self-protection and holding a grudge. An injurer has to discern whether they have adequately repented. And if they are not in agreement, they need to talk, to honestly let each other know how they feel, what they need, and how to accomplish it.

Answer 4

If the abused person is a christian, then that person should forgive with God's help. If not, you cannot expect forgiveness only hope for it. If the abuser has indeed repented of this sins and wants to live a life free of abuse and walking in God's will then that person should do so without expecting anything of the spouse. The feeling of guilt on side of the abuser is normal and will probably not go away until the abused will forgive, sort of a self-punishment. God has forgiven him/her and that's what counts. Now this new believer needs to get into the Word and pray and fellowship with other believers and change his/her life and pray for the person he/she abused and there might be a change of heart in the other person. It could take years before complete trust is re-established and the new believer needs to pray for patience.

Answer 5

Alright, let's lay it out, you have been hurt. You are having a hard time forgiving the one who has hurt you, fair enough. You say you are Christian, and already accept the Lord, GREAT! A TRUE christian would understand it is your duty/obligation to at least TRY to forgive someone (anyone for any reason), no doubt difficult, but impossible? With God all things are possible. I see, you both want to hear that you are right, but if you both believe in God, and know you can be lead back to Him, you must try. "Pride is concerned with WHO is right, humility is concerned with WHAT is right."You took vows before God, to God, that you would love him til death do you part. "Get over"- no, that's not what I mean. Work together so you feel connected and whole again- yes that's what I'm talkin' about. Now, about the guilt. If he is truly sorry, and means it in his heart, and you can feel a sincere effort on his part that he will not do those hurtful things again, yes. I believe living guiltfree (after honest repentance of course) is ideal and health wise- optimal. Guilt tears us up, gives us ulcers, and hypertension & so on. Your feelings are yours honey. God designed us that way, free will. This is all in your hands. God bless you both.

Answer 6

Time will tell. You fail to mention what religion for the record. There is so much hate in the world but we wonder why as moral human beings that want to be treated right. An individual close to me was dying. He was in a Catholic hospital and the monk who was counciling the family members talked about justifiable hate.
Different religions view forgiveness in their own way or teaching.
Baptist do not really like Catholics truth be told. They want to convert them/save. The Baptists churches that I have attended make fun of the Catholics. It is a hurt that I endure.
Recently a Baptist minister said that God gives grace to the person who is being hurt and the person doing the hurting receives something. IRDK or understand this concept.
God gave us a free will and you have to decide what you are going to do with your feelings. An abuser does not change over night and there may be other things (physical) the matter wrong...

Answer 7

No simply because God has forgiven the abuser does not mean that the victim has to forgive or ‘get over it’. The victim has a right to heal, mend, and release the pain that the abuser caused the victim. It does not sound like the abuser fully understands the ramifications of his crimes or has compassion to understand what he did was wrong and really ask the victim for true forgiveness. We are not always able to forgive as God does, or in the time frame someone else wants us to forgive in. Forgiveness is something that is gained through true understanding and apologies given to the person who was hurt and time given to allow that hurt person to heal.

The simple fact that the abuser wants the victim to just get over it shows that the abuser has not truly learned that what he did was wrong, hurtful and painful.

Just because the abuser found God like so many prisoners do, when all else fails, they call on God, but it gives him no right to push it on the victim and create even more guilt, shame and abuse on that victim all over again. The abuser and victim both need therapy and counseling to move through this. God is great but sometimes more is needed than just prayer.

You can pray to God to help you understand and heal the pain you feel, but that is for YOU ALONE and not for the benefit of the abuser. The abuser already has forgiveness and needs to 'get over' needing yours and leave you alone.

Answer 8

This is a tough question, I can't understand abuse for my self since I have never been abused....but you can't expect to be forgiven if you won't forgive. It is quite hard at times, and especially in this instance I am sure. I don't know about accepting God and just getting over it, I don't know if I believe that. But I do believe if this person has thrown off their ways, earnestly sought repentance from God, and forgiveness from the abusee it would go a long way towards "getting over it". Is the abusee seeking help from God to lose the resentment, or for an answer?

Answer 9

It sounds to me like the abuser is trying to put off responsibility on the abusee. (That is what the typical abuser will do. It, too, is a PART of the abuse.) Sure, the abusee can FORGIVE, but that doesn't mean that the pain isn't still there. It doesn't mean that the abusee needs to go on as if nothing happened. The abuser should absolutely feel guilt for what they have done, and they certainly have NO BUSINESS preaching ANYTHING to the abusee. If there has been abuse, then unless the abuser is willing to do whatever it takes to change their ways, admit that they--and ONLY they--were and are in the wrong, there is no reason that the abusee should stick around. The abusee is not going to just "get over" what happened. Maybe you aren't getting over your feelings because God doesn't WANT you to get over them while you're still in the presence of the abuser. Maybe He knows that it is a dangerous place for you to be, and He's protecting you.

Answer 10

Let me see if I understand?
Husband-apathetic Christian who abuses his wife.Repents,asks & receives forgiveness from God. Seeks forgiveness from wife.
Wife-Christian. Abused by husband who is now telling her he's been forgiven by God so he doen't feel any guilt over what he's done. Thinks wife should forgive & forget quickly and easily. Tells her she's not really saved or she would let him off the hook.
If I got that right, then I think that husband is out of his mind. It's great if he truly repented and changed. If he did then God would certainly forgive him. And according to the Bible, the wife should forgive him too. However, it's not likely or expected that she would do so easily or quickly. I find the husbands apparent lack of remorse highly suspicious. I would imagine that it would take a very long time for the wife to get over being abused by the person who is called by God to love and cherish her, and I know God understands that. God will honor her choice to forgive her husband, and He will also help her to work through the pain and mistrust she likely has. It is her husbands responsibility to prove himself to her now, and that takes time. Just because God doesn't impute guilt of abuse to him any longer doesn't mean that his actions don't have consequences any longer. If he's sincere, then he will be patient and do whatever it takes to help his wife through this. He will prove himself. God will help both as they lean on Him and seek His wisdom and will.