I have a very controlling daughter-in-law . Yes, we have all been to counseling. We respect the fact she is our only child's wife and the mother of our granddaughter, but we feel we really don't have a daughter-in-law. Yes, we have done nothing but try to welcome her into our family. Her main goal is to keep our son and granddaughter away from his family and friends. Yes, he loves her so we keep quiet but have talked to him about our feelings, with and without a counselor. The counselor has addressed her behavior but she refuses to change or admit it. There is so much awful talk about mother-in-laws but there are those of us to truly try to do everything right. They live about an hour away from us so we do not get to see them often. There is a "best friend" attachment with her mother (they live 2 miles apart) and she seems to always come first. Just looking for mom's in the same situation. There really are good mother-in-laws out there who really try.
2007-03-21 05:12:49 · 10 answers · asked by proud grandma 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I should add her biological father was diagnosed as bipolar and there are many other factors. Such as her lying and jealousy and blame shifting. No one is answering my question, I am looking to talk to someone who KNOWS what I am talking about. If you haven't been in this situation there is no way for you to know how this feels.
2007-03-21 05:31:02 · update #1
loved mine
2007-03-21 05:16:26 · answer #1 · answered by skcs11 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable with you because of everything going on. Things like that, especially if it ended up in counseling, take a while to heal.
Also, I don't think she tries to keep your son away from his family and friends. I think she is just jealous of his time, which is normal. A husband and wife should want to spend all of their time together, and others come second. Leaving and cleaving is a good thing.
Their time as a couple should be respected, and although it hurts you to give up your son, you should try to be understanding. It's not easy, and it does hurt. Letting a child cleave with his wife isn't easy, but it's necessary.
Express to both of them that you would like to see them and your grandchild as often as possible, but you understand fully if that isn't once a week. Even if you don't feel this way right now, try to do it for them and see if things change.
If things don't change, then there really isn't anything you can do about her character except hope and pray that her heart changes one day. The only thing you can do is Love.
2007-03-21 05:39:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should just LEAVE HER ALONE! I do not think that such problem as yours can be solved by diligently working at the "problem," which you perceive to be your daughter-in-law. It is only the problem if you make it. I have all the reason to believe, and also be certain from my own experience, that the behaviour of your daughter-in-law is NOT caused by you or her marriage to your family.
In the most likely situation, she has a very bad relationship with her own parents, and she has the similar feelings toward you. It's called trasference. She needs to be left alone for a while, and she must decide on her own to see a personal therapist. You may not realize but every family has a system that work with and she must have found it too much to handle. So all you should be thinking is to pray for her. She is not ready and your constant approach to her will make things worse.
2007-03-21 05:24:00 · answer #3 · answered by dansdna 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry you're having this problem. Have you considered that many of her actions may come from her mother? If she is so close to her mother, she may be getting "bad" advice from her that includes keeping distance between you. Maybe her insecurities are more her mother's insecurities and they're passed on to her regularly.
Continue to be as loving and supportive as possible, and welcoming of course. What is it that she is trying to control, exactly? That sounds like major insecurity, when you don't trust the people around you to do things that will confirm their love for you.
Reinforce the positive as much as possible and be patient.
2007-03-21 05:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry if this sounds non-supportive, you sound sincere and I can see why this would bother you a great deal....but, if she is trying to keep him from his friends and his family she just may have a reason that you don't know about. Maybe your son is not a model husband and makes her feel insecure about things and if that were the case nothing you do will make any difference.....she may really be hurting and be very insecure for reasons that basically have nothing to do with you. Maybe instead of trying to get her to admit to her problems you should check with your son and ask HIM if he has any ideas why she is feeling so insecure...you may not like this answer but I am really trying to help and it is just one idea of what might help. Anyway good luck to you, it does not sound like it is too late.
2007-03-21 05:21:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am in a similar situation. I could not be happier with the wife my son has chosen or her extended family. He is my only son, he lived at home 25 years and the empty nest syndrome has been awful for me. He is NOT a momma's boy and has not been since 16 years old. They have been married one year with no children yet. He grew up in the same church with his wife And her family which I attend. This is how our (mine/her) relationship seems to me: She treats me fine when we are one on one, however at church ( of all places) i pretty much get a cold shoulder from both of them. I am beginning to believe that she wants me only to have a relationship with him through her and feels threatened at the thought of anything else. I am a very kind, caring individual that wants never to one between them be nosy or interfere with thei relationship. I think that is why I have such a hard time understanding this.
2015-08-13 12:29:37 · answer #6 · answered by donna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you you completely ! We only have 1 son & he married a woman that does not like to cook, never iron's & is hardly ever home, always shopping. I keep my mouth shut & I only hear from her when she needs a favor. I don't know what it is with daughter in laws but no matter how hard you try you never can get along with them.
Good luck.
2007-03-21 05:19:02 · answer #7 · answered by day by day 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Clearly you must be making her feel very uncorfortable. you got a councellor to talk to her. What you have to realize is if there's a problem it's with your son, not you daughter in law. he's free to make his own decision, and most mothers-in-law don't like their daughters-in-law, that's what makes mothers-in-law dreaded.He's starting his life wih another person, she's his family more than you are now. maybe they don't have much to do with you because you seem to be having problems accepting that.
2007-03-21 05:20:38 · answer #8 · answered by sunny 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well i would agree with you.. there are so many in law haters..
i think the world would be a much better place if everyone lost the term "in-law".. and just considered them family..
because thats what they are..
i do not know why so many women are anti mother in law...
it could just be they feel threatened.. or something
2007-03-21 05:18:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
there is a family concealing wear the famliy talk things out of what they should do.
2007-03-21 05:18:29 · answer #10 · answered by i,m here if you need to talk. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋