Am knocked for six. I have literally, in the last 10 mins, received the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. However, I opened the card to find they are from a man who was extremely controlling towards me, and who I have tried so hard to forget and move on from.
Recently, he emailed me to say a mutual friend had died, and I replied saying I was sorry to hear that. I also said I was doing fine, single again (I know, stupid!!) and living in Galway. Why, oh why.... I let my guard down.
Anyway, he has found out I am in a show this weekend and has sent flowers. I am so scared he will turn up at one of the performances. What do I do if he does?
This is totally what I don't need. I'm just getting over a heartbreak of a 3 year relationship (I left the 1st guy and then met the most recent relationship)... my feelings are all over the place.
Should I email this guy and say thanks for the flowers, but that there is no point contacting me any more?
HELP...!
2007-03-21 05:04:32 · 17 answers · asked by PrettyKitty 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
oh wow....I'd be shocked too, especially if he was a controlling man when you were with him, it must have been awful for you, so this is a shocking reminder of what he is/was, i really would not email him, i think he may be trying to shuffle back into your life...please don't let down your guard, stay strong and focus on your relationship....if you reply to him it will open another door for him to step closer to you...if you are in a relationship then stick with it, the more you contact this other guy, the more complicated it's gonna make things for you...trust your instincts....my advice is, please ignore him if this continues, (flowers, emails) then tell him to stop, that you have moved on, and to leave you alone, i have a bad feeling about this guy...what's he after? also if he does turn up at your show, don't react, and try to avoid him when the show is over....don't give him a head start back into your life....
2007-03-21 05:30:26 · answer #1 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't thank him for the flowers because that's showing him you liked the gesture and inviting him to do more. If you really don't want this to escalate into something more, I recommend you send the flowers back to him. Accepting a gift from a controlling man is once again letting your guard down. If you don't know where to return the flowers, then that's fine but don't even acknowledge you received him. if you send him an email asking him not to contact you, he'll do the opposite - guys love the chase! Just pretend it never happened. If he turns up at the show, make sure you ignore him and leave straight away.
2007-03-21 05:32:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, you do live an exciting life. If you dont want to have anything to do with him, and it certainly sound like you dont. Then just thank him for the flowers but explain you are not interested as you have said yourself. Is it still raining all the time in galway. Lovely place except for the weather. Is mcswiggans still there! CJ's? the hole in the wall! did they really move the Phádraig Uí Chonaire statue? Cant understand why they would do that! Good luck with your show. No flowers on the way however. If he bothers you contact the gaurds.
2007-03-21 06:30:26 · answer #3 · answered by wally 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously he's realised what an idiot he was to lose you and is trying to woo you back again, but clearly you've moved on.
Good manners, however, dictate that you thank him for the flowers but you don't want to put yourself in a position of vulnerability, so I wouldn't phone. I'd write a letter (gives you more time to think about what to say and check there's no double meaning in what you're communicating) and thank him for the lovely flowers which were, no doubt, a good luck gesture for your forthcoming show. Then rattle on about the show, how excited you are, what good friends you've made in doing the show (shows him that you're not moping around alone) and how excited you are about your future. And do not mention boyfriends, relationships or anything else.
What he will clearly get from your letter is that you have interpreted the flowers as a good luck gesture and NOT a reconciliation gesture, and the rest of your letter will convey the fact that he is history, that you've moved on. But you've done it in a pleasant and polite way.
Good luck, if you handle this one with tact then I think he might get the message and move on. And despite your heartache at the moment you should remember - life is about moving FORWARD, never going back. He had his chance, and blew it. You deserve better - and it's out there in the future, not in your past.
2007-03-21 06:25:46 · answer #4 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't contact and don't thank him for the flowers.
He was controlling in your relationship and he thrives on CONTROL.
He is doing anything he thinks will get your attention, wanting your sympathy, buying you flowers, and if you thank him for the flowers that is just going to make the situation worse than it already is.
If he does show up to your performance...heaven forbid...and you see him tell him you do not appreciate it and if he doesn't leave you alone...you will take action.
He may still love and have feelings for you but this isn't about love...it is still about CONTROL.
Best of Luck.
2007-03-21 05:54:55 · answer #5 · answered by Intelfem7 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send him an e-mail saying thank you for the flowers but you really should not have sent them, tell him that you have moved on with your life and that you hope he has too but you want to keep the past in the past and you don't think there is any reason to stay in contact.
2007-03-21 05:16:39 · answer #6 · answered by luz2loz 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would email the guy and say it was a nice thought to send the flowers,however you have moved on with your life now.
2007-03-21 05:23:44 · answer #7 · answered by peaches 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah i think you should thank him for the flowers and tell him you need to be on your own for a bit because you have just come out of a 3years relationship and your head is all over the place and you just want to be on your own because if you did go back to him it will just mess your head up even more. hope you do well in your show at the weekend good luck.
2007-03-21 05:13:42 · answer #8 · answered by pinky85 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Stick them on the window ledge in a vase and let them stand proud as you are now going to do the same stay strong and stand proud
Send and E-card to say thanks and how you are looking forward and slightly nervous about the show but now life is finally moving on toward better things and your really happy about the future.
Take the control this time don't let him catch you out life is moving on not going back.
2007-03-21 05:14:19 · answer #9 · answered by sarah090182woodhead 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Bit like shutting the gate after the horse's bolted isn't it? Pity you responded to his e-mail by telling him you're single again. He might have taken that as a green light. If he turns up at the show, be polite, a bit distant, and take your leave, quickly!
2007-03-21 05:14:00 · answer #10 · answered by jet-set 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋