My husband and I bought a new house and then my aunt basically forced my cousin to by one exactly like ours, but with more upgrades. They have not been invited over to my new house but have tried to invite themselves over 7 times in 1 week (we just moved in last week) and they have even showed up at a restauraunt nearby and called to let me know they were in the area. Luckily I was not home! It just hurts my feelings that they are not supportive like a family should be. My husband, mother and I try not to play these games, but it is becoming impossible! They always have to be one up on me and it is getting worse as we get older. Help!
2007-03-21 05:04:02 · 10 answers · asked by Jilly Bean 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are the one who is letting this bother you.
Is it not laughable that someone would do such a huge thing as buy a house, solely to show up another person?
They are pathetic and to be pitied.
(This is the kind of thinking you need to cultivate -- try to laugh at them; don't "engage" in their game. After all, it is both pathetic and laughable. When you see this, they will no longer have the power to bother you.)
What you must do is summon the Actor Inside -- until the attitude really becomes your true attitude.
Invite them over.
Be "SO nice to see you; sorry we couldn't have you over sooner, but with moving in and all...."
When they snip away at the superiority of the cousins' house, either be grateful to them for pointing this out (I said you need that Actor Within -- doesn't matter that it makes no sense, it will bug them, and THAT's the important thing).
Or "Yes, that sounds very nice. But we like our SIMPLE LITTLE home; it suits us better." (Making your home actually superior in your eyes.)
Or even "But we could never afford such grandness as you." (Said blandly, in a way that says you don't really care, or even find their taste tacky, if you hit the word 'GRANDNESS'.)
"Oh, that must be SO NICE for you!"
SMILE at every snip.
Never take their bait.
Treat them royally, as the "superior beings" they want to be seen as.
After they leave, laugh at them. Or, if you can't bring yourself to do that, take them apart for their superficiality.
Remember, you're really the one with the power here, as they define their own worth only in relation to you.
If you don't bite, they can't win.
You can't make them change or get them to stop.
What you can do is take all the fun out of it for them.
2007-03-21 06:18:11 · answer #1 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This could of been me posting this question. I have a cousin and we are the same age, went to the same schools and so on. She has always felt there was a competition between us. Now we moved to the valley and each bought new houses (we are each married as well). I hate having her over...she will make comments about how I decorate...why did I buy this...how could I have chosen that color. Now every time I go to her house I see the exact same thing. Same color on the walls..same theme in the guest room...same center piece on the table...she even went to the exact same store we did and bought the same couches. I could let is bother me...and maybe is has a little but I just have to see it as an insecurity on her part.
As for you I would just tell them you don't want people over until everything is in order. When it is have a house warming party...this way there will be others there telling you how wonderful your house is...you won't have to talk to them much being the hostess you must mingle with everyone...when it is over boot them out!!!
2007-03-21 05:27:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there. It's not going to get any better until your AUNT leaves it alone.
Just live you life and whatever they do just kill them with kindness. I know it's hard but for some reason this Aunt of your's is jealous and wants to show your family that your cousin is better then you for some reason.
My cousin and I seemed like we were always getting played against eachother by our monthers who are sisters.
It was a rival between them that got passed on to us. Sad but true. Only thing in my situation my cousin and I stood up for ourselves and pretty much told our mothers to back off.
We have a good relatioship my cousin and I. Now so do my mother and her sister. We are in our mid 30's now and our parents are in their mid 50's so age might be a factor too.
I wish you the best of luck in your situation.
Someone is going to fall after your Aunt plays all her games and sorry to say this but it is usually the cousin and your Aunt will have bail her out.
2007-03-21 05:13:44 · answer #3 · answered by Valentina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Omg sweetie! it incredibly is named jealousy! we are all different in this international sweetie, iam so sure u can finally end up greater than her... devoid of all this anger u evaluate closer to her... you will desire to end being shy and be greater social, a grin to all people and a hellow wont harm u, perchance u prefer a make over how approximately start up dressing slightly unique yet now no longer slutty lol, a high quality hair form and makeup, u seem youthful in all risk a passable lipgloss and only slightly of mascara will make u spectacular, dont be afraid to confide interior the arena =D although first commence loving urself and is not any longer in basic terms correct @ this way of youthful age u have soo lots hate on your wonderful coronary heart!
2016-10-01 06:44:36 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good grief! You know, I think it's time to call them on this. Since it's gotten worse and you don't know what to do about it, just come out and ask. And I would go out of my way not to invite them over. They need to realize you know what they'r doing and to make a point that's time to stop. Even if it doesn't, they'll know you know and are tired of it. I still wouldn't invite them over. You know what i mean?
2007-03-21 05:40:43 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow! that is horrible .. how can people be like that really? you know what you need to put a stop to it.. because i am guessing it comes from previous problems.. and maybe they are too insecure... I kinda have the same problem.. but in this case my grandma is the one that tries to make me and one of my cousin be in competition...we just laugh it off and keep putting her off.. it really sux because she is family so you would not think family can do this .. but i guess.. it does happen to others ... anyways let them know you are not up to playing their games .. and that if they need to do things to surpass what u have .. then they need to get a life..and exclude them from your activities... Im sorry to hear that really... it must be horrible.... good luck
2007-03-21 05:15:58 · answer #6 · answered by GIGI 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are u allowing them to yank ur chain? its not about u its thier issue of keeping up with the joneses u can always ignore the phone calls refuse to answer the door ur trying to get settled in ur too busy limit the amount of time ur around them if u have a garage park ur car in it close it and dont rise tothe bait
2007-03-21 05:10:01 · answer #7 · answered by mmbmw2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call them and excitely tell them you're going to landscape and decided to go with lighted pink flamingos all over your yard. Then sit back and see if they copy that.
2007-03-21 06:19:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
lol, just ignore them or make it seem you dont' care. That will bug the hell out of them.
2007-03-21 05:08:28 · answer #9 · answered by Firas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are not competing then help them out in their new house!
It will be their defeat!
2007-03-21 06:09:01 · answer #10 · answered by i am 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋