My Relatinship with my Mother!!!?

Question

My Mom and me have always been really close we were like best friends since i was little we were always together always joking around and tell each other our deepest secrets but it changed since i moved in with my boyfriend of 1yr&8months she dont like him and she dont like the fact that im with him but i love him to death and she dont see that she never calls me anymore and when i do call her shes always giving me crap she always starts an arguement how to i handle this i cant seem to make her understand shes in her own world

Answer 1

Try sitting down with your mom and really finding out why she is worried about your realtionship with this new person, she is probably concerned for your health and well being. Most moms can't help but give advice and think they know what is best for their children, open up and try to hear what she is saying it could really help not only your relationship with her but with your significant other. We change others by changing ourselves.

Answer 2

It would have been helpful if you'd explained WHY she doesn't like him.

But here goes.

You can't control other people; there may be nothing you can do but try to wait her out -- she may come around.

One thing you might try is, don't call her for a while -- longer than usual.

Then call and ask to get together.

When you see each other, tell her that you've noticed that every time you call, you end up arguing and you HATE that.

You miss your close relationship, but, when you call, she rags on you.

This makes you reluctant to call.

You would really love to be close again, but are not willing to leave your boyfriend.

Then let her talk, listen, don't argue, and see if you can get better insight into what's going on with her.

Maybe, having expressed her feelings, and after she's had time to think about all this, she may realize that having you in her life is better than losing you.

But, as I said above, there may be nothing to do.

Answer 3

She is a classical narcissistic mother. She cannot separate her emotions from yours. Thus, it is right that you two were the best friends because you think alike, you talk alike and you feel alike. It seems that your move was sudden and unexpected as she was not prepared to deal with the excruciatingly painful fact that you are a separate individual from her. Living with an opposite gender without marriage is not a good way to handle with the situation, but with the given circumstances, you are better off not speak to her too often. She seems to be in shock right now, and it takes a long time for narcissistic mothers to come to their senses.

For me, after three years of marriage, my mother still cannot get over the fact that i am a marriage man and individual.

Answer 4

Maybe you should give her some time to think. She needs to realize that you have your own life and you will choose to be with people no matter how she feels about it. She needs to respect your judgement. If you make a mistake, it's you, not her. That's how we all learn, including your mom. I had difficult time letting my daughter go, and let her make her own mistakes, but she realizes now what I try to tell her is for her own good, it comes from love, not control. It always is very difficult to let go of someone, but any relationships change with time. Perhaps you just let her know that you love her, and miss the relationship you used to have, and leave it as that.

Answer 5

She's in her own world but you, my dear, are in your own world. It's called 'playing house with my boyfriend.' Love him to death? Then marry him. Your mother may not like him but one thing she really doesn't like about him is that he's getting free sex with her daughter, playing at being in a relationship but not making a legal commitment. Living together makes it seem like you have the brain of a 14-year-old. You'd be amazed how many people and relationships stay at that level for decades!
She's disappointed. I'd be disappointed, too. Just be careful and use good birth control. At least that will be a good thing in your life - that you won't be knocked up and unmarried with this loser whom you 'love to death.'
Oh, what am I saying? Playing house means playing with babies too. He plays at being daddy as long as he can walk out the door tomorrow and you don't rely on him for support, financial and emotional. What is it about young girls that makes their brains go dead when some guys wants to have sex with them if and when he wants it - and wants them to cook and keep the house clean too?

Answer 6

She just wants what's best for you...Kind of like tough love...
My mother is the same way with my sister's boyfriend.
I as well don't like him either, but it's not that I want to argue to my sis about it & ruin our relationship with one another, I can't help it! I think that my situation is quite similiar to yours the only difference is I play more of your mother, so I understand how it is...You know, as much as I dislike my sister's bf I know that I can't do nothing about it! So, a few years down the road & your still with your bf, I highly assume your mother will except the fact that your with him & everything will turn out for the best. Things will be fine, it'll just take some time for your mother to realize, that she can't change it...so she'll have to just except it....

Good luck Hun

Answer 7

She is jealous! And sadly, there is nothing you can do about it. If you try and change it, it will only make you tired. I would just try to make her realize this is your life now, and you will make a fair amout of time for her as long as she is fair about it as well.
My mother HATES my husband. My mother and I used to be SOOO close, just like it sounds you are with your mom. My mother and I don't speak now.
When I got pregnant, she tried to convince me that I should leave town, call him and tell him I lost the baby and couldn't see him anymore, and make a new life somewhere else.
He joined the police academy and she called the instructors and tried to get him kicked out.
We moved into a new apartment and she called the office and told them that we were bad renters, that we had just left her place a mess and owed her 2 months rent.
She would call my friends/co-workers and tell them he was abusing me.
That's just the tip of the iceburg....
I tried for YEARS to get them to get along. My husband was willing to forgive her for everything if she would just admit she was wrong. She would rather just be away from me and my kids than admit it. So, I gave up....this is my life now with my husband and kids, they are my family. And there is finally peace!
I hope you don't have to deal with it to this extent, but take it from someone who knows a jealous parent, she is JEALOUS!

Answer 8

Boy, can I relate!
I do think it may be jealousy... in my case, it is also a feeling that she doesn't have the control over me that she used to, and that my boyfriend has his own plans for his family and we don't always want to go along with hers. She may feel she lost some kind of power.
The way I feel about it, it's their insecurity that causes them to react so emotionally... and they don't stop to think. She may be afraid of losing you, and is making her fear a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Build your life and be as kind as you can to her, but don't compromise yourself or your family. Maybe she'll come around. Meanwhile, spend your time loving your boyfriend and building your life with him. Do consider if there is anything that can improve your situation with your mother, but don't waste too much time... you can't change her, you can only change yourself.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Gasp! You left your mother for a man! What an awful daughter you are for moving out, leaving your poor mother all alone. Didn't you know you were supposed to live with her until she died of old age???

Answer 10

at the start, i think of you're mom is slightly overprotective of you! you're in college and he or she might desire to understand which you're an grownup now and to me curiously such as you're taking duty and getting start administration, so as which you wont might desire to deliver a newborn into this worldwide and not be waiting for it. merely permit your mom disagree with you, no experience in arguing along with her. you will in no way win! Lol! attempt to have a outstanding holiday along with her, and in case you could, attempt and talk along with her calm and picked up. No arguing or yelling. She desires to allow you improve up and be an grownup. reliable success