should I keep the child support?

Question

I have been with my husband since my son was 6 weeks old but he isnt his real father. His real father treated my son and I really bad. When we went to court for custody he told the judge he would sign over his rights of his son to my husband. He also told the judge he did not want anything to do with his son bc he did not want to pay child support. Well I had already filed for child support bc I had to apply for the medical card for my son. I found out that he was ordered to pay 500 a month starting next month. My husband doesnt want to accept it although I would like to spend it on my son bc there are some things he needs (clothes, a new dresser, etc). My husband and I are doing ok financially but since we just moved we cant afford the extras. He says he wants to send the money back if we recieve any from him because we have already had an agreement with him to sign his rights over to my husband. Should I send the money back and keep our word, or should I keep the money for my son???

I dont want people to get the wrong idea...I dont hide anything from my husband so I will tell him my opinions. I am just not sure if I should even bring it up to him. So to rephrase the question...should I talk to my husband about possibly keeping the money or keep my mouth shut to avoid a possible argument and just give the money back?

Answer 1

it takes a hellava man to take on someone elses child, so your hubby has my vote.

i understand both yours/your hubbys sides. he see's it as 'screw him, i dont want one dam dime from him for the child. hes mine' and you see it as 'we're not hurt'n, but it could help, and he should help pay for what he created'.

so, how about a comprimise with your hubby? dont use the money for expenses, but how about a free college education from it?

i say put it aside, in an account, for a downpayment for a house or his college costs. i say that deadbeat should contribute (rather then just 'write off' his responsibilities). he already tried to ditch his own child, and look'n for a loop hole (money is his GOD). giving the funds back is just rewarding him, its not saying 'up yours' at all to him.

just my opinion.

but today, courts wont allow a parent to just 'sign away' their rights, unless there is another person willing to adopt the child, such as a new spouse.

so, the child support WILL just keep adding up and coming. until your hubby adopts him.


DEADBEATS
http://www.wantedposters.com/deadbeats_usa_a_to_f.htm
http://www.angelfire.com/creep/deadbeatparentssuck/
http://www.deadbeatjustice.com/list.htm
www.goodparentspay.com

CHILD SUPPORT CALCULATOR
http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/

ABANDONMENT (NO SHOW PARENTS)
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/

NOT ALL PARENTS LOVE THEIR CHILDREN
And "RATIONAL LIES"
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/child_custody/article7.asp



LAWS
http://www.divorcehq.com/spprtgroups.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/statebystate.htm
http://www.divorcenet.com/states
http://www.divorcesource.com/
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.divorcecentral.com/
http://family.findlaw.com/
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/unpaid-support/support-orders-enforcement.html
http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/
http://www.divorceinanutshell.com/
http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qanda/childsupp.htm
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-laws/state-child-/
http://www.supportguidelines.com/resources.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/links.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/laypersons.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/articles/news.html
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-basics/
http://www.spiesonline.net/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/index2.html

STATS
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/acesstatistics.html

FINDING DEADBEATS
(and background cks to find them)
http://www.usarecordssearch.com/
http://deadbeatsnitch.com/
http://www.wantedposters.com/skiptrace.htm
http://find.intelius.com/search-name.php?ReportType=1&
http://omnitrace.com/Missing-Persons-Search.html?OVRAW=deadbeat&OVKEY=deadbeat&OVMTC=standard
http://www.discreetdata.com/index.html
http://www.identitycrawler.net/people_search.html
http://www.peoplefinders.com
http://zabasearch.com/
http://www.crimcheck.com/personalreports.htm
http://www.easybackgroundchecks.com/
http://www.abika.com/
http://www.freeprf.com/
http://www.efindoutthetruth.com/
http://www.netsleuth.com/
http://netonlineinvestigators.com/index.asp
http://www.backgroundcheckgateway.com/
http://www.backgroundcheckgateway.com/locate-people.html


FED AGENCIES
http://www.ncsea.org/
http://www.nfja.org/index.shtml
http://www.naag.org/issues/issue-consumer.php

REGIONAL FEDERAL CHILD SUPPORT OFFICES
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/oro/regions/acf_regions.html

FACTS AND REGIONAL FEDERAL CS OFFICE INFO
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/fct/fct4.htm
http://www.divorcesource.com/WI/ARTICLES/beaulier11.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/opa/fact_sheets/cse_factsheet.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/index.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/faq.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/passport.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/fop.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/faq/faq.htm
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/grants/grants_cse.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/index.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/region2/index.html
http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.govbenefits.gov/govbenefits_en.portal
http://www.fedstats.gov/qf/
http://www.fedworld.gov/gov-links.html
http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/pfs92/ch3.htm

SSI AND CHILD SUPPORT
http://www.ssa.gov/policy/docs/policybriefs/pb2004-02.html
http://www.ssa.gov/notices/supplemental-security-income/
http://family.findlaw.com/

FIND YOUR REPS
http://www.usa.gov/
http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/State_and_Territories.shtml
http://www.nga.org
http://www.naag.org/attorneys_general.php
http://judiciary.senate.gov/

CHILD SUPPORT LIEN NETWORK
(some states work with them)
http://www.childsupportliens.com/

COLLECTORS
http://www.supportkids.com/
http://www.supportcollectors.com/faq.php
http://www.deadbeatdadfinders.com/
http://www.deadbeatdadfinders.com/links.html
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/index2.html
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml

TAX INFO
http://www.taxsites.com/index.htm
http://www.divorceinfo.com/taxes.htm
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc354.html
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc422.html
http://www.irs.gov/faqs/faq4-5.html
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/advocate/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p525/index.html

http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p504/ar02.html#d0e563
http://money.cnn.com/2007/02/14/pf/taxes/do_not_miss_tax_breaks/index.htm?postversion=2007021411

REPORT DEADBEATS
WORKING UNDER THE TABLE
(in writing, to your local and federal IRS offices)
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/compliance/enforcement/article/0,,id=106778,00.html

SEX OFFENDERS
http://www.mapsexoffenders.com/
http://www.scanusa.com/
http://www.nsopr.gov/
http://www.familywatchdog.us/Default.asp

Answer 2

Man, this is a tough situation and I totally understand where you are coming from.

This is really hard for me to say, but I think that I would not start accepting payments from his dad. If he wants nothing to do with his son, let it be that way and since your husband is willing to take on the responsibility and love of being his father you and your son are blessed.

I say put your trust in God, that he will provide the things that your son needs.
His biological father, one day will regret that he had nothing to do with his son.

Don't lose the trust with your husband, by accepting the money and then lying about sending it back.
Your son need more than just finances to become a real man.

I wish you the best, and God bless you and your family.

Answer 3

A few years ago I was a social worker here where I live. If you applied for any state assistance, you didn't have a choice on whether or not you wanted to accept the money. It is very likely that the state will force to him to pay for actual insurance out of pocket if your son is still using state medicaid.
Now, if you are talking- wait until the money is sent (which in most states is by direct deposit or on a debit card these days) and then send it back to him.... the state will never know. I realize it is a matter of pride, but until your husband legally adopts your husband, the father of your son has a legal obligation to provide support.
My advice? Use the money to fund the adoption. It gets the bio-dad out of the situation he didn't want to be in, and he still has to pay for it.
After that- everyone's happy. Bio-Dad is 'home-free' and out of the picture, you and your husband have full legal custody of your son and you can go on about your lives with one less thing to worry about :-)

Answer 4

Its up to you. But if you decide to keep the money, I wouldn't spend on the "extras". I would put it away for his college education. You should set up a trust account for you son and have the money automatically put in the account for his future. You said you were financially stable so try not getting used to receiving extra money each month from this guy. Keep in mind also... can the real father afford it? Not saying he should have to pay, but are you putting even more strain on his already bad situation?

Answer 5

Well unless a judge has terminated the biological dad's rights then he is obligated to pay child support. If he hasnt signed over rights then he is legally obligated to support this child. I would use the $$ to support your child. Tell your current partner this is what you are doing. The court is going to be upset if you start sending the $$ back and the biological father hasnt signed over his rights. Especially if it goes to court later for custody issues.

Answer 6

You should give the money back. If he has signed an agreement to relinquish all his rights then he also has no responsibilities to support the child. You should also make sure the court knows that you have this agreement in place so that they do not dock his pay any more. it seems wrong to have the money taken out only to be given back each month.

Answer 7

Maybe just the one check because of what you had to do to get the medical card but if anymore checks come send them back because you will have to pay the money back since he singed away his rights.

Answer 8

He didnt want your son, so i wouldnt want his money, i can understand where your husband is coming from. If you take the money then if he changes his mind and wants to see your little boy your in an award situation.

Sometimes, things are more important than money, go with your hubby on this one i say.

Answer 9

Well either keep the money and tell your husband that you are or give the money back.
You can't just keep it a secret that is not a good basis for a relationship.

Answer 10

hi, a court order should be followed. if your x dont send any he will be in trouble. it has to be in writing if you dont want to recieve and both keep a copy of it, notarized. but i would just recieve it and put it on a savings account or cd's. for the future needs of your son or for your x. you'll be glad you did. : )