How can I get my father to have a better relationship with my brother?

Question

My brother and I are ten years apart in age (i'm 20, he's 10). I was a huge Daddy's girl when I was little because while my mother worked days in an office, my father would take care of me because he worked nights playing piano at clubs. He got me into all kids of sports and activities and practiced all of them with me. When I turned 10 and my brother came along, I was very excited because I knew I could teach him the same things Daddy taught me. However, my brother never got the loving touch Daddy gave me. It was like my brother's birth turned my father into a nightmare. My mother and I raised my brother because my father stayed locked in his room at all hours. When he became old enough to play and understand baseball (about 6 or 7), I asked my father if he would help me teach him. He went out with us maybe once or twice. I want my brother to have the same kind of fun memories and experiences I had. How do I get them to have a meaningful father-son connection?

Also, before my brother was born, he quit working nights at clubs at began working as an accountant at the USPS.

And just FYI, I don't live at home anymore.

Sorry, the first answer reminded me of another thing I left out. Believe it or not, my brother wasn't accident, lol! My parents always wanted two kids and it just so happened that it never worked until ten years later!

Answer 1

You'll just have to give your brother as much of attention as you can. Your brother may have been conceived by accident and your dad might be tired. He might not have the energy he had for you. And dads always protect there little girls more then the boys. When at all possible buy them tickets to games and tell you dad you only bought two because you want them to be closer to each other.

Answer 2

First, you can't control other people.

You might be able to have some influence.

It sounds as though your father became deeply unhappy -- possibly giving up the piano playing he loved, for something he hates.

You could try having a talk with him, explaining what a great Dad he was to you, how much you care, and how unhappy his unhappiness makes you now.

Then let him talk, and listen to him.

I suspect that some counseling might help him come to grips with the things that bother him.

What he needs to realize is that he has a son who needs him.

But no one can tell him that, he needs to see it for himself. He can't now, because he's so deeply unhappy.

All you can do for your brother is be his Dad-substitute as well as you can, and be the one to give him some of those memories as well as you are able.

Can he sometimes visit you -- for a weekend or longer when he's on vacation?

I used to love visiting my older sister when I was young (9 & 1/2 years apart).

You can't change your father, but you might be able to help him see that he's missing out on his son's childhood, and help him -- either directly, or by encouraging him to seek help -- deal with the stuff that's making him so unhappy.

Is there no way he can go back to the job he loved?

Answer 3

It seems that your Dad had some issues going on about the time your brother was born and he probably has not dealt with them. There is nothing you can really do about it except explain to your Dad how much it would mean to you and your brother. You could also suggest family counseling and all of you go together to see if you can figure what went wrong. Just be there for your brother, so he does have some good family memories.

Answer 4

ur dad has issues hes not dealing with seek counseling u can not make up to ur brother for the lack of attention ur father pays him what u need is an intervention face ur dad all of u and lay the cards on the table with the age difference its like having 2 separate familes and there seems to b something underlying all this remember ur parents are human not superheroes

Answer 5

Sadly, you can't make him do anything. He has to realize it on his own. Maybe if you talk to your dad about your childhood and stress to him how special those memories are to you, and wouldn't it be great to share those things with your brother. Remind your dad of what a good kid your brother is and what he is missing out on. Hopefully, he will snap out of this funk he is in.

Answer 6

A Christian is to have love for even an enemy. He can nonetheless have love for his brother. He does not might desire to "decrease him off" like this. by using being forgiving, this is going to shame the brother. additionally, he might desire to now understand to not loan money to his brother or enter into any business enterprise manage him. .

Answer 7

You can't, really. It's up to them. If your father has no desire to be an active part of his son's life, that's his loss, but there's nothing you can really do.

Answer 8

sit down and play family games......everyone express there feelings....talk about the good times......go out to games (basketball..football..etc)....or even out for ice cream.......help each other out.....build things together...pay more attention to each other, but don't let it start jealousy or that's a whole nother problem

Answer 9

if your father loves you that much, let your father see how you love your brother, and how you are hurting when he ignores your brother... that'll do it. hopefully. but why don't you ask your father why? or your mom? best of luck!