whats best way 2?

Question

improve confidence and esteem im raising 2 kids alone they keep me on overdrive and happy but when theres a quite moment i feel really crap once i was a very strong female and confident but after lettin their dad pick me up and put me down when it suited him i feel like ill never meet anyone all my friend s r with someone ive been single now for 3 years but the men ive come across r only out for 1 thing im 26 and my confidence is very low for once ive no idea wot steps 2 take first to aleast be happy in my own shoes i was suffering depression awhile a go but its hard 2 stay postive and dont want 2 go back down that round its not fair on my kids or myself they deserve more

Answer 1

Hi!

Well, first of all you sound like a brilliant and caring mom. You obviously love your kids very much and see them as a priority. Too many parents start to wallow in their own problems and forget all about their children - you are not like that. They are lucky to have a mom like you!

Don't let what their waste of space dad did to you keep effecting you. He is out of your life now (and if he isn't, get him out). He should be there for your children, but that's all. You have pulled through, and you'll continue to keep pulling through. You want to improve yourself and your life and be happy - he'll be stuck in the same cycle of using women and end up alone, whilst you will have moved on. And if you get out there, that's the best revenge you can get - show him that you don't care about him any more.

It must be hard to look after two children and try to find a man at the same time. Don't settle for second best - you're better than that. Don't get involved with any man that doesn't seem serious. You say you keep meeting bad men - I'm thinking maybe you're meeting them all through the same people or in the same way (i.e. bars/clubs?). Stop trying to meet men in the way that you've been trying and look somewhere new. Have you tried internet dating? I met my boyfriend on there and we've been together for three years. It's not just full of perverts and weirdos. You could focus on trying to meet a man online who perhaps already has children of his own - he might be more likely to be serious and understand how important children are.

In terms of feeling confident about yourself, take some time to treat yourself. If you have parents or friends who can look after your children once a week or so, have a day that is just for you. Pamper yourself, put your makeup on, get your hair done, buy some nail varnish - make yourself look and feel beautiful. If you feel that you need to lose or put on weight, start looking at that. I guarantee you'll start to feel better about yourself once you invest some time in yourself.

I completely understand how hard it is. Luckily, you're only 26. You're so young - you will meet someone eventually. My mom raised us on her own and didn't meet a good man until she was in her late 30s - they've now been together for 15 years. You will get there. But look after yourself first.

If you are starting to feel down again, I'd take a trip to your doctor's and see if he can help you out.

You should be proud of the fact that you have raised and loved your children all by yourself - you are a stronger woman than you realise.

xx Emmie

Answer 2

Why do you not join the library where they have book clubs. You get to read the book and then listen to each others opinions on that said book. This works for me and now I can hold conversations with the best of them. Usually they meet up once a month and then you get into exchanging phone numbers etc., Perhaps you can get your X to baby sit for you when you go to the library. He will be gobsmacked that you are actually going to the library for a meeting and will have to accept that you have moved on and broadening your horizons. Try this as a first step, I could overload you with other avenues but one step at a time and you could get there. Banish your low self esteem from memory look forward and be strong, for yourself and your children - and your X - well he's history, dont let him drain you any more. Sure he has a relationship with the children and you leave it at that, he is not worth what he is doing to you and if he were he would not be draining the mother of his children.

Answer 3

you said once you were a strong woman, you still are, raising 2 kids of your own it's remarkable, and it's ok to feel sometimes insicure. you are very young, you have all the time in the world to meet someone to be the father of your children. the first step is to stop worrying about these things, say to yourself, that you are strong and independent. 2. when you go to work, or take your children to the park or something like that, dress up as pretty as you can, put on some makeup, a little perfume, you will feel the changes. 3. start every morning with a smile in the mirror, and say 3 good things about yourself. 4. smile at least 10 times a day, smile at your work, smile at your neighbor.5. every day find 3 things you've nver noticed, and they are beautiful 6. when you go to bed enumerate the good things which happened to you on that day. 7. have fun! take every opportunity to have fun, go out with your friends if you have someone, who can take care of your kids, if not, you can invite your friends over dinner, and still watch the kids, they go to bed really early, so you have plenty of time to talk, or have fun. you say your friends are with someone, everybody experienced that feeling, and soon you will have someone too, your so young, this is not the age for depression.
i know that these rules seem a joke, or seem stupid, but try them one day, and if you're not satisfied, you can mail me, and say all the bad stuff you want about me, that way you can release your anger... :-)
i personally look up to those who raise kids by themselves, i think it's admirable, and takes a lot of guts to do so. this is the image, how people see you, think about that, they don't consider you as a failure, the only one who is thinking bad stuff about you is yourself, as soon as you realize what a gift life is, you will be more confident.

Answer 4

Counseling may help you! First thing you need to do is remember that you are important, your feelings matter. You need to feel worth while before you can date and be in a relationship. Relationships should only be sought out when someone is happy with themselves. How can you make someone else happy if you yourself are not? Also first priority in your life should be your kids. If you are feeling worn out, see if the kids can have a play date for a couple of hours, or one of your parents watch them, maybe a friend. Take this time for yourself and just yourself. Sit down, read a good book, take a walk in the woods, anything that is just for you. Everyone needs time for themselves even if it is just a couple hours.

Answer 5

Organise yourself in some projects:
Find time for your children, their school, lessons -
and also find time for their off timing with their age people - or if you have your parents to babysit -
that way, you can go for evening classes once or twice a week -

examples to put you in better confidence:
Dancing lessons - try Latin dance
Art lessons - to express your stress or sad timings... and meet others - female and you never know, you meet one girl, she introduces to you to another friend, or a brother, or something - just OPEN your options in your life, so you meet people.

If you sit there and just think of what you 'COULD HAVE DONE' and wait for the luck, nothing will turn up. You have to open your door, put a step out and you will realise how fast you will run one day!

there are lots of evening lessons... one day your kids grow up and find their lives, and then you'll realise how much you've lost of your young beautiful age...

good luck

Answer 6

Even though you are a bit depressed you seem to have grasp and analised the situation pretty well, knowing that you shouldn't go round the same route again & keep yourself strong for your deserving children. Your bad experience with your ex should be taken as just that, one of life's many experiences, good or bad. File this one away or delete it, create a new file called "My positive future" & start filling it with positive thoughts & carry them out with determined actions.
Wishing you a bright future.

Answer 7

There really is no way in particular. You have to find it within yourself. Dont say those words "I let my husband pick me up and throw me down when he wanted". I know for a fact that everytime you say that to yourself or anyone else you get those feelings back. You know what that does, it lowers your self esteem, which prevents you from being happy or making anyone else happy. You need to quit dwelling on that fool and get on with it. Your kids can feel everything you feel you just wont knwo it becasue you are wrapped up in the past..Check this website....and really try to let yourself be open to any possibilities>

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200702/tows_past_20070208.jhtml

Answer 8

sounds like my story and i survived focus on u and ur kids get involved in church social activities their out of school activities our rule was we do our chores during the week and saturday is free whether we watch movies at home or go to the park there are lots of activities that cost nuthing the important thing is being together crafts on rainy days using house hold stuff teach both children how to do yard work and laundry itsa life skill my daughter finished college works with special needs adults my son is a marine focus on what makes the 3 of u happy go to classes at home depot lowes learn how to do stuff round the house library they watch u and learn more than u think Good luck God bless

Answer 9

Chin up, life is so good for wasting it with the first idiot that come across. You have your kids that cheer you up every day, you have to remember men and women are different, just start a big journey to a true friendship first, this will build up your soulmate of tomorrow and give you enough time to realize if this is the right man for ya.

Answer 10

you shouldn't bring yourself down like that.. try to enjoying being single but with 2 kids.. if you leasted this long your doing great.. your a single mother with 2 kids, why not take them to the park.. seeing them have fun will bring happiness into your life.. don't think that just because your only that you feel left out or that you can't be loved again.. love is around but your just thinking about it to much and not realizing that the most important things are around you such as you kids..