Any tips for getting twenty-something kids to move out of Parents house.?

Question

My co-worker is struggling because she really wants her two older children (23 and 25) to move out and be on their own. The kids still act like young children expecting their mom to do everything. I advised her to stop doing their laundry and cooking extra meals for them. She did, but even with obvious hints i.e. "you should move out and get your own place" doesn't see to work. Both kids work and own vehicles. Any tips?

Answer 1

Absolutely, she should start by not taking care of them. It's time to go.

After my fiance unexpectedly called off our wedding shortly before it was to take place, I found myself without a future plan. I had moved back home several months before the wedding with the understanding that I only going to stay at home only until married and then of course move out to live with my new husband.

When that didn't happen, I sort of floundered for a while and went through a grieving period.

After about a year, my parents decided the best thing for me was to have me move out and live on my own.

So, they sat me down and gave me a 6 month deadline as they knew that I could afford to buy a house which they encouraged me to do instead of renting.

They explained that they were not throwing me out, but that it was time for me to be on my own and that part of parenting was doing what's best for their children whether or not anybody likes it.

So, we created a project plan basically. I would look for houses for two months, pick one or sign a lease on an apartment, help me move, and the date to be out of the house was set /marked on the calendar.

Non-optional. On that date, I was out. I could make plans for having somewhere to live before then or not. If not, I could go to a homeless shelter.

I bought a house, moved out and loved it.

Best thing they ever did.

Answer 2

Sounds like the "kids" are enjoying a free ride. Subtle hints fall on deaf ears. She needs to sit down with them and state, in no uncertain terms, that it is time for them to move out on their own. A timetable needs to be set to give the kids an opportunity to find a new place to live (no more than a couple of weeks). If they have not moved out by the set time, the locks need to be changed.

Tell her she MUST stand firm or her kids will continue to walk all over her and use her. They may be upset with her at first, but they will come around and thank her later.

Answer 3

Turn their living space into your hobby room!! My parents had my room cleaned out pretty quick after I turned 18 and turned it into a wonderful room for a grand piano that my mom saved for years and years. Wait until the 20-somethings go on a long vacation and have it all done by the time they get back. Move their items into a public place like the living room and they will get sick of everyone else passing through. Also, stop stocking grab-n-go food. Get rid of all things that take no preparation, and they will get sick of having to cook. I hope these hints help your co-worker!

Answer 4

If I were in that situation, I'd start out by making the kids pay me rent, not based on how much money they make, but on what the going rental rates are in teh area (and maybe even charging a bit more). I would do nothing for them; no cooking, cleaning, laundry, money-lending, message-taking, errand-running, etc., etc. But I would make them follow the rules in my house. If that doesn't work, just kick the little monsters out!

Answer 5

There is no hints. Just straight answers.

"By this summer, you need to have your own apartment"

Set a date. When that date comes and they still haven't budged. There is a thing called moving box's and a front lawn. They will remove it if they don't want their items to be stolen or weather damaged.

In the mean time, help them judge their expense. Gain rent and allow them to place some up for saving. If they don't, that is their own fault, but rent at that age (as myself being 21 paying rent to stay at home), is only selfishly mooching if not paying.

Answer 6

Charging rent doesn't solve the problem of her wanting them to move out and be on their own like they should be. In fact that will compound the problem b/c then if they are paying rent there they are going to use that as an excuse that they can't save up enough money to move out. She (rightfully so) wants her own space...her time for raising her children is done...She is going to have to talk to them and tell them in no uncertain terms that they have to move out by such-and-such date, and then STICK TO HER GUNS!!! The "kids" have jobs and cars so they are not going to be put on the street to live under a bridge. She just has to make sure they KNOW that she will not tolerate them staying past a certain date.

Answer 7

charge rent. Give them chores, don't clean after them. Anything left around the house gets thrown in their rooms. stop cooking for them.
personally I don't see a problem with the kids being at home at that age as long as their respect and they help out. I can't imagine telling my kids to get out but mine are only 8 so i'm far from that

Answer 8

Yes, tell mom to move on and get her an apartment and let the kids have the house, utilities, insurance and other necessities that come with renting or owning a home. That should be a rude awakening!!

Answer 9

1. When they give her the dirty clothes tell her to throw them back in her room. And if they have a dirty room make them clean it. If they don't cook the dinner, don't cook dinner for them. They aren't children anymore.

2. If she bought them their cars, sell them. Sell the cars for money, and save up to buy a house. They can ride bikes, carpool, take a bus, or hitch hike to work. Or you can tell them to go rent an apartment with the car money.


3. Just straight forward tell them, you have 30 days to leave and find your own place. Give them a little money so they can manage, but bug them until they pay your co-worker back.



Hope it works for your co-worker.

Answer 10

most of the issues surrounding adult children who live at home have to do with having no rent, free maid service, personal chef, and in short, a slave to their every whim.

mom needs to begin by assigning household responsibilities and expenses to the freeloaders. (heck - even my MINOR children WORK in our home!)

* they are more than old enough to do their OWN laundry. If they wear it, they can wash it. PERIOD.

* they should either cook for themselves or PAY for the groceries. If they aren't home at the regular, set meal time, they can do like my oldest (who works) and cook whatever they want when they get in. That is why microwave ovens were invented!

* they should be charged rent based on the prevailing rate in the area in which they live. They should also pay part of the utility bill/water bill.

* noise levels and curfew should also be in place. afterall, they want the benefits of a child at home, so the restrictions of a child should ALSO be imposed and expected. (if they don't like it, they are free to go)

* no sleepover guests for sex. children don't rate that sort of adult privilege, neither should these "big kids" (again, if they don't like it, they are free to leave)

basically, they are TOTALLY taking advantage of her.

For a while after college and before marriage, I lived with my parents, but I paid rent, helped with household expenses and did my OWN laundry and chores.

The other alternative is for her to change the locks while they are gone and have their personal possessions packed off to a paid storage facility under the kids names.

If they aren't willing to make real compromise and accept adult responsibility by choice, she must compell them to do it or they will be under her feet FOREVER.

Unless they have illness, or personal circumstances that make it impossible for them to be out on their own, she has every right to encourage them with a BIG OLD SHOVE to leave the nest.