Friend in an abusive family needs help?

Question

An online friend who's 24, a single mom (one child) and living with her parents desperately needs to get out. The fights with her parents have gotten physical. She says her mom constantly yells at her about how worthless she is. She's shown me pics of her bruises. She lives in a remote area, has no car and her parents won't loan her money to leave, saying it's her responsibility. I'd like to give her a plan to get her out of there, but everything I've suggested she's rejected or says won't happen (says she's not eligible for public assistance). Short of calling the police myself (which she doesn't want me to do because she's afraid she'll lose custody of her son), I'm totally lost. (I can't loan her money.) She tried to swallow a small amount of sleeping pills last night. Fortunately, she threw them up. Any ideas on what options she has open to her?

To add a couple of things, first, this is not someone I live close to. In fact, we're on opposite sides of the country and have not met in person. Second, I know without a doubt she's a female. We've talked many times, I've seen her picture and I know people who know her.

Answer 1

This is called abuse and you tell her that if they are doing all this in front of her child there is no way that they can get custody because they are abusing their own child and that makes them no good parents and grand parents, just think of what they would do to the child. No judge will give them custody. Suggest to her to call battered women's associates at 1-800-799-7233 They will help her to a safe house and help her to achieve her goals and get her life back on track. They helped me and they will make sure that she get financial help for her and her child.

Answer 2

WEll your on-line friend sounds as though she is running a scam on you. She's trying to get you to loan her $$ which of course she would never repay, and your on-line friend MAY not even BE a woman! You need to stop talking to that person. A big clue is that every option that you have given has been rejected, for whatever reason. Now you KNOW that any single mom can get Public assistance! and there would be other people in their lives, even if they live in a remote area. So don't stress over a situation that doesn't exist and quit wasting your time with this person. ok?

Answer 3

I have to agree with some of the other answers. It sounds as if she's lying to you. And they're right, it may not even be a woman. I've found that it's fairly common for people on here to misrepresent themselves, especially if they think they can get something out of it. You need to step back and tell your "friend" that you've offered all the advice that you can, but since she's unwilling to listen you can no longer offer any kind of help. If she's really a good friend, she'll understand. If she's trying to get something from you, she'll be pissed.

Also, any single mother can get SOME kind of public assistance if they are without income and actually take the time to try. Any way you split that one, she wasn't completely honest with you in that regard.

Answer 4

Well , if you know where she lives. Then why don't you go get, her,and take her home to your house. Then when you get her to your house. Start making phone calls. there are women shelters, who will put her up. till she gets back on her feet. But, the thing i find, is.
What is she doing ,to have her parents treat her like they do? Something, she isn't telling you. In a way, it is her responsabiltiy. because she an adult.
Her parents, don't even have to let her stay with them if they don't want. Ifshe don't wantyou to call thepolice, then maybe its not all that bad.
What is she afraid of? She says shes afraid ,they may take her son away.
Sorry, but something is not right. They won't take her son away, if she is providing for him. The only way they would do that, is if she is neglecting her son.
Or she is showing some form of neglect on her part. The police , will help her find a shelter.
Something is not right. But if you are sure, and you care for your friend. then do what you need to do.
For her, as well as her son. Because, you are allowing her son ,to bein a violent situation. But ,something ,just isn't right. Sorry to say that. But ,something is not right somewhere.
Most people, with common sense, would do what they can ,to get out ofsomething likethat. even if it means, living in the streets.
Apparently, her son is not her priority, She seems, more worried about herself, then her son.
I think ,she using your friendship as an excuse, to load her probelms off on you. Be careful ,what you are letting yourself get into. Like i said ,if you care for her so much. And you know where she lives, then go get her.
I think, she playing games with you.
If she has rejected, everything ,that makes sense, then as i said. Something is not right.
Do what you feel is needed. if it was you daughter, or sister, what would you do? But all in all .I know for a fact, she can get some public assitance. theywill also help her find a place. Heres a suggestion.
Ask her for her address. and where she lives.
Ask her for her phone, number, and tell her you will come and get her.
Now if she refuses, then you know something is not right. thats the best way, you can know for sure.If she says she has no phone, then ask her how she can get online.
Ones need a server from somewhere.
And they need a phoneline to get out on. Unless they are wireless.
If she says using a friends or a public one, then that means she has access, to public places.

Answer 5

She could call a shelter for abused women. They could advise her on what alternatives there are in her area. Some shelters will even come out and pick up the woman and her child. Once I found a shelter for another woman in another state by looking online.

Are you sure she really wants to leave? I've had the experience of offering one suggestion after another and having them all shot down. Often the person is just so exhausted by the situation that any suggestion is overwhelming. Other times, they have conflicting emotions about leaving so they shoot down all ideas. You should point out to her that keeping her child in an abusive situation is wrong and she should leave for the child's sake.

You're a good friend. Good luck.

Answer 6

i am confused as to why she cant get public assistance if she is without funds she should be eligible.she has to think of her baby first and get out of there the police would not take her child for her parents being abusive to her i would call the police and have them do a wellness check at the very least and tell them of the stories you have been told.if they are aware of the problems they will be able to ask the questions they need to ask to help her good luck to both of you and i hope it all works out for the best

Answer 7

Honestly I would wonder if her story is true.. and if it is there are a ton of battered woman's shelters that she can go to with her child and they will let her live there for free and help her get a job and they even will help her get srs assistance to feed her and her child, cash, daycare, etc.. Plus the best thing is no one ever knows where these places are located, just call the police station in her area and ask them the number to a battered woman's shelter... you don't have to be battered by your baby's daddy you can go there if anyone is hurting you. That would help her to get on her feet and get out on her own so she is not suck with dealing with that on a daily bases.. I was there it is not something you want to stay in trust me.. I went to a battered woman's shelter with my son.. we now live on our own, I have a job, a new boyfriend that treats me like a princess, and my son is in daycare. There is hope she will have to step out though.. it is hard but if she can do it, it is worth it.

Answer 8

Why isn't she eligible for public assistance? Does she receive child support? Personally, I would call the Alliance for Family Violence and report what you have just shared, ask if they can help get her out on her own. Also, many churches will assist as well. Good luck and she is very lucky to have you.

Answer 9

Tell her to check with the YWCA or any community outreach program in her area.

A church , goodwill, salvation army st. Vincent society , nova vita , Elizabeth Frye. etc.

Even in remote areas there is usually some sort of out reach society.

If she is taking pills she is now putting herself and her child at risk.
What if she is alone with the child and harms herself?

If you are that concerned for her health, call the authorities already. She is in no position by the sounds of it to refuse help from anyone. Police or no Police.

Make the call.

Answer 10

Don't enable her by feeding in to something you have no proof of ....considering she could be fronting her parents. It happens all the time. She could be seeking approval or preying on your sympathy for doing things you don't see...Can you honestly say her parents don't have bruises...has she broken anything or stolen from them?

There are jobs available to 24-year-olds as well as ways she can communicate with others, including the father and his family in splitting up time to babysit so she can work herself out of that house. For some reason she is refusing to take responsibility for her life and looking for people to feel sorry for her. Which is more important to be doing...fighting with your parents and seeking sympathy or growing forward?

Also consider that it's illegal not to pay child-support. Has she filed for this?